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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended if your adult siblings was invited on a family holiday with nephew but not you?

40 replies

Duv · 28/04/2026 11:18

Going on a family holiday that involves driving aboard and renting a villa and outdoorsy stuff.

We'll have a spare room in the villa (and if we pack efficiently) spare seat in our car so was thinking of inviting one of my adult siblings (let's call them Alex) to join us, as we will enjoy having the adult company and they would probably enjoy spending the time with their nephew and I think the holiday is their kind of vibe too. Also they drive so they could potentially make their own way their if car is too cramped.

My concern is I have another sibling (let's call them Jamie) who is married. Will they be offended when they learn we went away with other siblings without them? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Alex is single so would slot more easily into the holiday without it feeling overcrowded in the villa. Whereas because Jamie would bring his wife (possibly not though as they are quite independent, but we'd definitely invite them as a couple) it could feel too many people in a small space. Jamie and wife don't drive so we could neither offer them a lift nor could they easily make their own way there.

On the one hand I think there are reasonable reasons to invite Alex as it will just mesh better with our plans. On the other hand I think I'd be hurt if the shoe was on the other foot. But then the alternative is just never inviting my siblings on holiday as I can't really invite both and I think it would be a nice bonding experience with nephew.

What do you think
Reasonable: invite Alex
Unreasonable: its rude/exclusionary to invite one

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 28/04/2026 11:20

Oh! I voted YANBU because I thought you were the one being left out and were hurt. Yes, it is hurtful to leave out the other siblings so I do think that YABU, sorry I made a mistake.

I think you should say to Jamie that this is what you’re thinking of doing and you hope he doesn’t feel left out. Much better to say something than when nobody says anything to anybody else and it all just happens. Explain to Jamie!

HoppityBun · 28/04/2026 11:20

Oh! I voted YANBU because I thought you were the one being left out and were hurt. Yes, it is hurtful to leave out the other siblings so I do think that YABU, sorry I made a mistake.

I think you should say to Jamie that this is what you’re thinking of doing and you hope he doesn’t feel left out. Much better to say something than when nobody says anything to anybody else and it all just happens. Explain to Jamie!

ThreeGirl · 28/04/2026 11:21

Impossible to say without knowing the family dynamics!

TheWildZebra · 28/04/2026 11:22

I think if you know you would feel hurt by the actions you would take and the roles are reversed, then don’t take that action.

Unless there is some other reason beyond logistics that you’ve not shared here, then I would invite them. They’re grown up and can find their own way to the accommodation.

Branleuse · 28/04/2026 11:23

I think it's fine in the circumstances, but if you get on well with your siblings, it wouldnt hurt to explain and maybe suggest the possibility of a bigger family holiday together in the future if they all wanted and it went well

LifeOnTheVeg · 28/04/2026 11:23

No, it's fine to have different relationships with different siblings.
I have 5 DC. Two DDs in particular are close and often holiday together; they spend time with other siblings at other times.

titchy · 28/04/2026 11:26

If you want to invite both your siblings surely you’d plan to book somewhere that would accommodate them both?

So on the assumption that this is a last minute invitation as you’ve just realised there’s an extra room in the villa, and you planned just a holiday with your dh and dc, why don’t you extend the invitation to both siblings and the in-law, but don’t offer a space in the car or villa - just say we’re doing this on this date and if you can sort travel and hotel it would be great if you could join us. Obvs if Alex says yes and the other no, then you can offer the spare room.

Tableforjoan · 28/04/2026 11:29

Unless your always doing things with just this sibling then it’s totally and tbh even if you were it would just show you clearly have a good relationship with one and a poor one with the other.

CinnamonEstella · 28/04/2026 11:29

I have three siblings. I usually see one without the others - eg one will come and stay with their family or vice versa. Or I go away on holiday with one and not the others - and others do likewise.
Sometimes I meet up with two and the third isn’t there, again sometimes the other three meet up without me.

I don’t bat an eyelid when the others go off on holiday together, I just enjoy the photos.

Logistically, it’s more tricky for all of us to do things together, and it would be silly for us to not spend time with one another whenever we can just because not everyone can be there.

Just invite Jamie and his wife another time, surely?

CinnamonEstella · 28/04/2026 11:29

I have three siblings. I usually see one without the others - eg one will come and stay with their family or vice versa. Or I go away on holiday with one and not the others - and others do likewise.
Sometimes I meet up with two and the third isn’t there, again sometimes the other three meet up without me.

I don’t bat an eyelid when the others go off on holiday together, I just enjoy the photos.

Logistically, it’s more tricky for all of us to do things together, and it would be silly for us to not spend time with one another whenever we can just because not everyone can be there.

Just invite Jamie and his wife another time, surely?

xOlive · 28/04/2026 11:30

I’d be envious and like “pair of fuckers” if my siblings went on holiday without me but I wouldn’t be hurt as I’d be buzzing they’d be having a nice time. Envious because LET ME JOIN IN 😂
I’m one of 3 and one of my siblings fits Alex’s description so he could come on holiday with either myself or our other sibling (both with kids) but yeah… couldn’t invite our other sibling (like Jamie) as it’s another big family so wouldn’t fit without purposefully planning for larger accommodation.

Go for it but explain to Jamie why and maybe you could plan for a larger family holiday next year/2028?

LimeOrangeLolly · 28/04/2026 11:30

I think they'd likely feel upset to be left out if not discussed and alternate plan to separately spend time with them more local so car space less of an issue.

You could also discuss with the car owning sibling whether they'd want to drive the other sibling + possible wife in order for them all to come along on holiday as perhaps they'd rather that to get to spend time with them too but tbh it sounds like you'd rather not have that sibling stay.

Chewbecca · 28/04/2026 11:31

Slightly confused about the voting but invite him! He is on his own. You don't have to do events a trio of siblings do you?

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 28/04/2026 11:32

We holiday on an island every year. All adult dc are invited.. We then find an accommodation big enough and split the costs fairly.
We would never book a place and negotiate who would fit in.

AgnesX · 28/04/2026 11:32

It depends on the family dynamics and how well you get on.

As much as I love my siblings though it wouldn't be for me and I wouldn't be offended if I wasn't asked.

catipuss · 28/04/2026 11:33

The married couple may have their own arrangements for a holiday, the single sibling might appreciate it more. Do you talk to your siblings frequently? If so you could explain in conversation that the villa only has room for one more and they would have had to make their own way there. Do they invite you or your other sibling to go on holiday with them? If it's a family tradition that you all go on holiday together it might be more difficult.

Bringflowersofthefairest · 28/04/2026 11:34

I think because Alex is single it’s not a problem just inviting him/her.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 28/04/2026 11:40

In the context explained in the opening post it sounds absolutely fine.

If you're close to your married sibling and you think he e might be hurt then explain it before he hears second hand just as you have here.

Two of my siblings share a hobby, and if they went on holiday together I wouldn't think any more of it than I would if they'd gone with a friend. In the past I've lived in different countries and they've visited separately and not an equal number of times each. just ad hoc as fitted into everyone's plans, I would never have had room for all of them at once especially once they had partners and children.

PullTheBricksDown · 28/04/2026 11:41

I don't think it's a problem. Have Jamie and his wife ever organised an extended family holiday?

ArtAngel · 28/04/2026 11:42

I can't make sense of your voting but I think it is fine to invite your single sibling.

Would you really be upset / offended if Jamie and wife invited Alex but not you? Wouldn't it be obvious why?

Have Jamie and wife already organised a summer hol?

Just explain 'we invited Alex to tag along and take the spare seat in the car'

Groundhogday2025 · 28/04/2026 11:42

I think the first posts nail it. Say to the brother with the girlfriend that you have space for a single so wanted to invite other brother (Alex), and before you asked Alex you just wanted to check that’s okay with him (Jamie) and that he doesn’t feel left out by it. Ie. It’s not personal purely logistical, but don’t want to upset him in anyway.
I would be fine with it if asked to me like that as all your points for inviting Alex over Jamie are reasonable. Being told before Alex is invited shows Jamie you do care about his feelings and he’s not an afterthought or being purposely left out. I’m sure he’d be fine about it presented that way.

Daysgo · 28/04/2026 11:43

Duv · 28/04/2026 11:18

Going on a family holiday that involves driving aboard and renting a villa and outdoorsy stuff.

We'll have a spare room in the villa (and if we pack efficiently) spare seat in our car so was thinking of inviting one of my adult siblings (let's call them Alex) to join us, as we will enjoy having the adult company and they would probably enjoy spending the time with their nephew and I think the holiday is their kind of vibe too. Also they drive so they could potentially make their own way their if car is too cramped.

My concern is I have another sibling (let's call them Jamie) who is married. Will they be offended when they learn we went away with other siblings without them? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Alex is single so would slot more easily into the holiday without it feeling overcrowded in the villa. Whereas because Jamie would bring his wife (possibly not though as they are quite independent, but we'd definitely invite them as a couple) it could feel too many people in a small space. Jamie and wife don't drive so we could neither offer them a lift nor could they easily make their own way there.

On the one hand I think there are reasonable reasons to invite Alex as it will just mesh better with our plans. On the other hand I think I'd be hurt if the shoe was on the other foot. But then the alternative is just never inviting my siblings on holiday as I can't really invite both and I think it would be a nice bonding experience with nephew.

What do you think
Reasonable: invite Alex
Unreasonable: its rude/exclusionary to invite one

I think you should arrange a night out with you and your siblings and determine their views there, and act accordingly.

TheOtherBear · 28/04/2026 11:44

There's another option that makes it fairer but likely ends up with the same scenario - you just ask both Alex and Jamie.

If you've got a group chat for them, you say something like...

'Hi both, we've got a holiday coming up to X place with Y activities and it turns out we've got a spare (single bed) room in the villa, plus could also fit one more person in the car. Would either of you like to join us?'

Thundertoast · 28/04/2026 11:46

Surely you just say to your other sibling:
'Hey, wanted to talk to you about something, we've realised on our upcoming trip that we'd have enough room for one additional person in the car, and a spare bedroom, so we were thinking of inviting Alex along, but I just wanted to give you a heads up so you didnt feel like I was leaving you out, obviously if we had the room we'd invite everyone! Hope thats okay, we should try and arrange a trip for us soon'
Or am I missing something?

Original poster
Duv · 28/04/2026 11:46

There's actually some really useful suggestions in these replies, thanks.

To clarify a few things:

I don't want to plan a bigger holiday with them and split costs. Whenever I've done this with friends in the past I find we end up compromising a lot on the kind of holiday we want or spending more than we want. We're the only ones with a kid and have specific ideas of what we think a good holiday is, and a narrow window of dates to go. So basically I want to book the family holiday me, my husband and child would like, and then invite family on a take it of leave it basis rather than a negotiation. We can't afford to book a big enough villa for my family and 3 more adults, but yes I guess we could invite both and say if both want to come they need to arrange their own villa (there are plenty nearby).

In terms of family dynamics: we have no tradition of going on big family holidays. Even as children we didn't really go on holiday together much due to age gaps and parents dislike it travel. We occasionally do a long weekend together (not all 3 siblings at once though), eg visiting them and staying over, but we've never like booked a dedicated place to go holiday together.

As we get older and kids are now in the picture I would like to establish more of this kind of dynamic. Also last year I invited my parents on a similar kind of holiday and when I mentioned it after the fact to my siblings I was surprised they were like (jokingly) 'where was my invite'. Id actually not thought it was their cup of tea.

OP posts: