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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be thinking of asking for another baby?

15 replies

LissyD · 20/06/2008 14:11

Right, my DP has said he wants to wait till after I graduate but;

Reasons for;
-another baby wouldn't actually cost us much money, as we already have all the stuff and we're just at the age with Dd1 (15months) where we're deciding what to get rid of, so it would be better to decide now to have another
-University will be far more understanding (with extenuating circumstances and that) then work, and once I graduate I'll be able to earn so much more then now it seems daft to leave all the time off till then

-we would actually get a bit more in tax credits and all that, which would easily cover the cost of any extra stuff we'd need

-my mental health is much better now, but I'm still under the care of a specialist team who would give me excellent support through another pregancy and postnatal period. If I leave it a few years I would be back to relying on the much inferior support of my gp and the overworked community mental nurses if I relapsed.

-I'm a bit overweight at the moment, which would mean I would be less likely to get malnutrition from morning sickness like I did last time

-If we time it right, getting pregnant around september or october, the baby would come at the beginning of the long summer break, which would give me 4 months off uni when the new baby comes which I'd be not doing much in anyway. surely better than taking time off the paid job which is my goal eventually anyway.

-I'm pretty sure I want to do a postgrad course after my degree (I'm at the end of first year now) so if we carry on waiting till I finish uni, dd1 will be 5 or 6 before we have another, and I'm really keen on a small age gap.

SHould I have a word with DP, or am I just being broody and daft?

OP posts:
mumblechum · 20/06/2008 14:12

How old are you?

Sounds like you've come up with some very convincing arguments for going for it.

What do you think would be your dp's main worry?

LoveMyGirls · 20/06/2008 14:13

I'd definitly speak to him, he might feel the same as you?

LoveMyGirls · 20/06/2008 14:14

How would you cope with 2 little ones plus a postgrad course?

oregonianabroad · 20/06/2008 14:20

just a word of caution, we went for ds2 when ds1 was the age yours is now. it is much more difficult to finish a thought now there are 2 in the house, and a close age gap has advantages but disadvantages too. To me, the advantages start to add up only as the kids grow older -- it is harder than you might think.
If it were up to me, knowing what I know now, I'd wait a bit and get more settled before I went for a second child.
good luck to you no matter what you decide.

LissyD · 20/06/2008 14:30

mumble-I'm 23, and I think his main worry would be money, although I can't honestly see that being a problem as we are already skint from having one child, another wouldn't actually make that much difference, at least unless it needed its own bedroom and we had to chuck the lodger out. Although, tbh, I think we'd be likely to just find a bigger house to rent with the lodger still involved

Lovemygirls- I've become much more focused since having dd1, I find there is very little problem fitting uni work into babysitted/nursuried or bed time. And my mother is about to go part time partially to help me out with dd1, and she's said she wouldn't mind watching another as well, so thats one day a week of studying free. In term time, theres a childcare grant anyway, so I get plenty of studying time.

Oregoniana-Thats what worries me a bit, as dd1 is in nearly every thought I have and has changed my life completely, with another I might end up just sitting staring into space thinking about babies! I'm a bit obsessed with this one as it is

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 20/06/2008 14:40

Sounds like you have thought it through and have good support. How helpful is your dp?

LissyD · 20/06/2008 16:28

He's strange, he can be really helpful with practical things like if I specifically ask him to do something with the baby, and he does most of the housework and cooking, although he hates having to watch the baby all day and he isn't really interested in things like milestones and sitting playing with blocks for hours. But I suppose he is a man and he definitely loves her to bits. Plus recently we've decided that he is going to work full time so I can concentrate on childcare and uni, so we each have our roles to fulfill.

OP posts:
LissyD · 20/06/2008 16:53

The other thing is, we're engaged but are only getting married in a couple of years and we had planned to wait till after that to have a baby. I wouldn't want to bring the wedding forward as I don't see the point in doing it if we have to scrimp and save. So another illegimate child, which I don't think my family would approve of too much.

OP posts:
Mercy · 20/06/2008 16:58

Tbh, I would wait until you have finished your course.

Going from one to 2 dc is a bigger move than going from none to 1 (ime)

2point4kids · 20/06/2008 17:01

All sounds perfectly reasonable and theres no harm in speaking to him to see what he thinks too.
The only thing I am thinking that might be a drawback is childcare when you find work. You will be paying for 2 childcare places on your first salary. If you waited a few years then your salary will have increased a fair amount I should think allowing you to pay for 2 childcare places more easily...

LissyD · 20/06/2008 17:46

but isn't there a childcare grant as part of tax credits? for something like 85% of the cost? I know I'm fine while I'm at uni for that, but I was pretty sure that tax credits will take over once we're both working over 16 hours.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 20/06/2008 19:57

Plus your eldest would be at school cutting childcare costs even more

LissyD · 20/06/2008 20:07

I asked him...he's gone off to work thinking about it, although he didn't sound keen cos of money. I am pretty sure we wouldn't be worse off though, student support is pretty good.

OP posts:
LissyD · 23/06/2008 20:32

:D He said yes!!! two months to get healthy and off the anti-mental drugs without going mental!

OP posts:
greenelizabeth · 23/06/2008 20:33

Good. Far better to get all the childbearing over and done with in one big hit.

If you have a five year gap, you end up being the parent of a very small child for ten years rather than 5.

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