Fed up of brain being like this, impact on work relationships

[SpideySensesbroken]

I work in a fast paced environment as part of a small team. My brain feels like little lightening bolts zapping all over the place. I don’t know how else to describe it. The positive is that I can work at incredible speed and keep lots of tasks and information in my head at all times.
The downsides are that I lose interest quickly. I also struggle with colleagues. I get frustrated that they don’t react as quickly. So if we discuss an email they are going to send and copy me into, it’s a good day or few days until they do. If it was me I would have sent it during the phone call or right after. They say ‘well I need to think about what I’m going to write’ but in a few days they will have forgotten or need another bloody phone call to recap.

It’s the same with tasks, each meeting is them saying how they’re putting off doing things or how certain things can be parked for a bit whilst they gather more information. I get that more information is always good and this is my flaw, sometimes I act when I don’t have the full information and then I have to change course, but there are no long term implications for doing so.
My biggest concern is that I can’t always pretend I don’t find our different working styles frustrating, and I’m sure they feel similar. I know that they are getting what they need to finished and our manager (who is great) is happy with all of our approaches. I know that I am far from perfect.
I wish I could change and let things slide and not feel so compelled to do things asap. I wish I could relax and have better work friendships. It’s really hard as Ive always been like this (passionate, obsessive, impulsive, always planning the next step, creative, interrupting) and I know I’m bloody exhausting.
It’s just hard to change, to change how I actually think.

You do seem full on. The thing is there's an old military saying prior preparation prevents piss poor performance. The way you work will, often I expect, lead to poor performance.

You need to step back. Perhaps take a couple of days off and consider what you have just said. It's great being speedy gonzales if that's what the job needs:- quick and dirty, but clearly it isn't. You are not going to win any friends by rushing everything and you're inability at times to keep interest will count against you.

You need to stop seeing yourself as the best in the team. You need to actually accept that more information us good.

So if you are waiting for colleagues, get on with something else. You say you can keep information in your head, offer it to others, so you send an email after a conversation " so we agreed that you are going to look at widget production in China. I've got the figures on widgets in India for comparison "
Also perhaps acknowledge to them that you are the way you are and say things like "it would help me/help the project if you came back to me by tomorrow ". Setting expectations from colleagues isn't bad and may help you as you have a time frame to work around.

But it's all down on you. If you're realising that your style isn't always right it's a start. But life is about compromise. And to be blunt, the realisation that you are not the be all and end all of your colleagues lives.

How would your manager react to a suggestion that you all have some time away together to discuss different working styles, preferably with a facilitator?

I'm also in a small team, working at pace, and we spend a fair bit of time talking about these kinds of things and how we can support each other, get the best out of each other etc. We've done the colours insights and whilst our own colours were very obvious, it was helpful to discuss these as a team and give permission to each other to do things we've identical as team weaknesses. For example, there would be a lack of clarity about action points arising from our fairly informal team meetings. I now have permission to say "so who is doing that?".

Its been helpful but we were starting from a good basis of trust, built deliberately over some time.

Understanding different people's working styles may make their actions seem less personal and less stressful.

Do you think any of those qualities such as impulsivity, obsessiveness and relationship difficulties could point in the direction of neurodiversity? If so, could that help you to understand yourself better and give you coping mechanisms?

You need to learn to work as a team. Sometimes your approach will be needed and you obviously have confidence to own mistakes when you rush without all the information but others will not. They could also learn from you that sometimes things need actioning quickly. But you have to let others work in the way that suits them especially if they do a good job. Think about each person in your team, how they work, what is good about it and how your more proactive style might seem to them.

@landlordhelloh yes, I’ve definitely thought about it, but I feel what’s the point now, nothing will change and I’ll still be expected to rub along either way. I’m not sure a bit of paper saying I’m a diagnosed annoyance really helps me win friends.

@CheshireSplati think that would be great!

Are you near 40? Peri makes adhd POP OFF! I used to be hyper organised and a perfectionist. Peri has turned me into an actual moron. Can’t remember convos from two mins ago. My head feels empty when I try to think, forget what I went into a room for, no motivation to start or finish tasks. It’s awful. I’m on hrt, it may be helping. Keeping stress low helps. I might ask for adhd meds to try

No but if it's ADHD, the meds can massively help with the social side. I don't have the same struggles as you with people because I'm inattentive and you sound like you'd be more likely hyperactive if you were diagnosed from the impulsivity so obviously the meds would affect you differently. But for me they massively dial down the frustration of interacting with others at work, especially that impatient feeling of 'ugh, why won't they just deal with this the way I would' 😄it might be worth doing a screening questionnaire. Also diagnosed annoyance 😂 that is 💯 me