I want to start by saying please no judgment. This is my first time reaching out for advice and I already feel really vulnerable doing so. I am going to make an appointment to start therapy too (private so not waiting list).
I have two DDs, 6 and 5 months old.
I suspect my 6 year old has ADHD and parenting her is so difficult, and exhausting. Every day is a battle and there is no enjoyment, in any day. It has been this way for at least 3 years. She argues and moans about everything. She refused to go to her own birthday party as she didn’t want to get dressed. She will refuse any nice day out I organise. She hits me, kicks me, screams. On the other hand she can be really lovely times.
What throws me over the edge is her hygiene, she goes for a poo and doesn’t wash her hands (Friday she climbed on me in bed in the morning and her hands stank), Sunday I found poo streaks on the outside of the toilet bowl. Monday she had a wee accident (not incontinence, she leaves it too long as she gets embedded in what activity she is doing) and threw her wet shorts on the floor then continued to sit on the sofa with her pants drenched in wee. I was cooking dinner so only realised after). I have told her she has to let me know when she needs a poo so I can supervise. I am sick of the constant cleaning, it really is constant. I hate it.
I hate the school runs. I hate the whinging, for at least an hour a day they are crying at the same time. I hate the constant needs needs needs (which obviously is to be expected with two children), but honestly I hate my life right now. I love them both dearly but I am still waiting for the day this is rewarding? The sad fact is I know my eldest knows how I feel, and we are constant arguing, I am constantly telling her off and I hate it, but even when I organise something nice she will scream and refuse to get ready and go.
My 6 y/o wasn’t this bad when I got pregnant with DD2 but she has progressively got worse. I actually took the morning after pill as I wasn’t planning on having another but DD2 is a really good baby (and I love her so much it hurts) but in another world I wish I never had any kids. I feel so light and free when they are at my mums on the odd weekend day and I feel so so horrid saying that 😢 I am constantly in fight of flight mode and I am starting to have physical signs of stress.
I feel like on the outside I look like I have it all together but I really don’t, I feel maybe I have some situational depression, or PND, but can that happen 5/6 months after birth?
Does anyone else feel the same or has felt the same and no longer feels this way?