I’m really pretty low on the friends front

[spellingbeequeen]

Hi everyone and hope you’re having a good Sunday.
I’m 51, a single mum of 3 and I work full-time, plus some hours on the weekends for extra money. I am well-liked by my colleagues and those that I meet generally. But honestly, I have embarrassingly few friends.
I’ve recently distanced myself from my ‘closest’ friend, as she’s incredibly self-absorbed. I’ve known for a while that the friendship wasn’t working, but was in denial. Lack of options, I guess!
Don’t get me wrong, a big part of me is happy enough with things. I’m menopausal and actually enjoy my own company. I’m fairly introverted. So I actually don’t know what I’m moaning about. It just doesn’t sit right with me and I feel a bit sad about it. There would be no-one to call on an emergency, nobody to ask to the cinema or for dinner. Life just seems to be passing me by.
Maybe one day I’ll give online dating another try. But how do you explain having no friends to someone? Some might even see it as a red flag. What does it say about me? 🥺
I suppose you could also say that I’m lazy. I work hard and like to be alone at the weekends. I’m too much in my comfort zone. I honestly would make a good friend and make the effort for somebody already present in my life, if that makes sense. But I’m not sure I can be arsed to get out there and meet new people. Jesus, what a mass of contradictions!
I have a great family, but they have to be there! Friends are there because they want to be, because they’ve chosen you. Well, I seem to have missed the boat on that one!
Can anyone relate?
Thanks for reading.

I think is more normal than you realise. It's easy to prioritise the kids and work and running a household and then there is not much energy or time left to invest in a social life, and also difficult when so many other women your age are busy with work and kids and keep a small social group. Maybe join a hobby group to have a social outlet.

Thanks for your reply 🙂

I am a few year older than you and feel similar. I have friends but we are a distance away and my every day life is often a bit lonely.

I posted a similar thread about a year ago and got chatting to a lovely woman here (hi you know who you are) and we text a few times a week and she makes me smile every time a text comes through.

I have tried to make a bit more effort with hobbies and such but not had much luck and I dont know the answer. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I am 54 and have 3 friends. I had 4 but one died last year. I have a DH and 2 adult sons. I don’t need any more friends.

There are people I call friends but never see them as they don’t live locally and we don’t really stay in touch that much. Mostly friends we had when DH was in the army.

I have different friends for different things. If you were liked by former colleagues, why don’t you message one and ask if they’d ever fancy going to the cinema?

Or join a walking group and have friends within that. (Other groups are available!).

Then cultivate those friendships by checking in occasionally.

Modern friendships are difficult because they are less about shared circumstances and more about deliberate selection. People used to be friends with the people they saw in their daily activities. Now our lives are much less connected you have to make deliberate efforts. Plus there's so little time!

The first step is usually to join something - club, society, group, charity - and go regularly enough to just gradually get to know people. Don't even think about friendships at first, just enjoy doing something with other people.

I understand and I’m similar! I feel a bit sad watching tv programmes with close friends or hearing of people who tell their best friends everything and do fun things together.

So I get it! Not sure what solution is as I’m also introverted and it’s a lot of effort making friends I agree!