AIBU for resting when DH took the children to the farm?

[LETMEREST]

I’ll try to keep this brief.

Yesterday DH took our two DS (4 and 2) to the main farm for a couple of hours and told me to rest as I was exhausted.

It’s been a lot recently. Yesterday was my sister’s 11th anniversary, today is my mum’s 12th, so it’s an emotional few days anyway.

On Friday, DS (4) broke his finger – multiple appointments, lots of waiting, and about 4 hours of driving. More follow-up on Saturday, again lots of driving.
Thursday I’d already done a long day driving to the nearest city with my sister to help her find a dress – lovely but full-on.

The weekend before, I’d been away with friends (first time since having DC) and was wiped out until midweek – not drinking, just travel, early starts, late nights.

Yesterday at the farm: SIL had friends visiting (2 adults + 2 DC). Our DC had been invited to see them. DH was there showing the visiting DC bits on the farm, along with our DC, SIL, MIL and FIL.

We live about a mile away from the main farm and stayed home as told to rest.

Today I asked SIL if her friends and their DC enjoyed the farm. She said yes, but then commented they were “a bit short-handed with all the DC” and sort of pulled a face.

If DH had wanted/ needed my help he could have called.

AIBU to have not gone?

YABU - You should have gone and helped.
YANBU - DH said have a rest, so you had a rest!

Why would they be ‘short-handed’? Perfectly normal for one parent to manage two children. In fact there were more adults there than children weren’t there?!

Why are you even making this into an issue for yourself? You should have replied that ‘oh wasn’t dh managing his kids’?

DH was there showing the visiting DC bits on the farm, along with our DC, SIL, MIL and FIL.

Doesn't sound like they were short handed! YANBU

It's a non-issue.

If you need to know more, ask your DH what she meant.

But if DH had told you to stay home and chill out, then it's frankly nothing to do with her.

She sounds jealous that you had a rest and she didn’t. Ignore her.

Yes the 4 visitors were a mum/dad/ dc/dc. Then my 2 DC, DH, SIL, MIL, FIL.

I do often have both DC alone, and DH would have last weekend when I was away, but when on the farm with the age of our children we do tend to have a 1-1 ratio. DH often takes the 4 year old alone, he knows to not move and to do as he is told but still needs constant monitoring. The 2 yr old does need to be held onto!

Yesterday there were 4 DC and 6 adults.

I did say to SIL, that DH was there and could have called me.

Oh she’s a snide one isn’t she? She wanted her brother and parents to herself / her friends, she wanted you to look after your sons while making them available to be shown off as her nephews. People like this are so annoying. They should just say what they think but they don’t because they know they’re in the wrong. Can’t resist getting a dig in, though. Just ignore her. Nothing to do with you.

Don't feed that.
One parent two children is absolutely fine!

I hate this type of thing. My DS has DGC 1 day a week solo, as does DIL. ( both work compressed hours) . Some members of my family seem to think he is some type of saint for parenting his child.

Unless your DH and FiL have form for leaving the majority of the child wrangling to women when they are around, that seems like a bizarre dig, OP. Do you normally get on with SiL?

Are you sure her comment is a dig at you? I’d have taken that as a dig at her brother - Ie DH was doing a shit job of looking after the kids.

Oh just ignore her - she's probably just jealous that you got a couple of hours to yourself!

We do normally get on well. DH said it was all fine yesterday. So I'm just going to put it out of my mind.

I am still really tired and I am always a bit off at my sisters/ mums anniversary.

There were five adults between four children?!

You should've just smiled and said 'oh that's a shame. I regularly take the two children out alone with no issues. I'm really glad I had that rest though. I feel much better.' (thanks for asking 😅)

Short handed with 4 kids and 6 adults 🤣🤣🤣

Pull the other one. I’m a single mum with 2 kids and it’s that way 80% of the time. No one comments on that, funnily enough. I often have their friends over to my house too!!

Sounds like they were the opposite of short handed! They had a surfeit of adults if anything.

Well isn’t SIL ridiculous? If you’d gone without DH, I bet she wouldn’t have made that comment.

DH also said he didn't realise she'd want him to show how some of the farm machinery worked etc. So if she wanted him doing that she'd have to mind my DC.

To be honest she is usually fantastic with out DC and loves them. Just maybe had not been expecting to have to mind them yesterday.

You know its not something you even need to ask.

Your DH told you to rest.
There were more adults than children.

Does she really think your DH is that useless that he can't look after his own children altogether.

Would MIL and FIL not pitch in at all to keep an eye on DC whilst DH showed the equipment? If it was so tricky to keep an eye on two DC whilst this demo was going on.

Honestly sounds an ideal opportunity for you to have a rest . As I read it, your DH was doing SIL a favour by showing the equipment to her visitors, so surely it was fine for her to keep an eye on two children for a bit.