DSS ignoring me

[PixieTales]

I’ve been with DH for 10 years and always had a good relationship with DSS, however the last couple of times he’s been round he flat out ignores me when I speak to him. I’m finding this quite upsetting and confusing.

For context DSS is 17.

The first time was two weeks ago when I said “morning how are you?” He didn’t respond and walked out the room.

Today I brought him a meal deal (that he chose) handed him the sandwich and he took it didn’t say thank you and just chucked it on the table.

I also had a conversation with his Nan a week ago and she said he won’t speak to her directly either and only his Grandad.

I just need some guidance if this is ‘normal’ behaviour for his age or has he developed some for of hatred for women that is a concern.

Sounds like his dad needs to have a firm word with him! He’s being rude to both you and his nan

Has he been doing a deep dive into Andrew Tate et al lately @PixieTales?

His attitude is unacceptable.

Your husband is your strongest ally here and he needs to address it directly, with consequences.

eta; he doesn't get to come round until he is, at the bare minimum, courteous to you.

it sounds like something has happened to him personally and like many teens - rather than talking about it, he’s acting up

No, it's not normal, and yes it's a concern. His father and/or grandfather need to have a word.

Yes, this needs addressing firmly and directly. Don’t let him get away with such rude behaviour. Personally, I think you should pull him up on it as well as his dad.

He needs to understand that you’re the boss of him too, not just his dad.

My 17yr old would never be so disrespectful and neither would my two older DSS’s.

There’s a very toxic aggressive relationship between his Mum and his sister which I can understand why he might feel this way towards women….but it’s still concerning.

Obviously something is off. It could be anything from romantic troubles to Andrew Tate or (shudder) worse. I agree with PP that your DH needs to have a word as soon as possible.

Until then I would try to keep the temperature down by minimising contact - sadly that is the only way I see to minimise the rudeness without risking inflaming the situation. Polite but distant.

Please do this without ceding your place in the family, however!

I do mean minimising: I would not be cooking, doing laundry, giving lifts etc to someone who treated me this way. I guess I wouldn’t banish him from family meals on the basis of your description but I would not be giving his preferences any consideration.

If it's you and the grandma, is it a misogynistic thing? If worry her gone down the manosphere route personally.

In any case it's bloody rude and I'd get DH to read the absolute riot act and Id certainly not do anything for him until his ungrateful arse could apologise and use basic manners.

For a decade he’s never behaved like this
suddenly he seems distant and isolating himself off. I’d say something is going in his kid life personally.

Your husband needs to talk to him. Obviously

How often is he over at yours?

EOW which hasn’t changed

The first time it happened, did you not follow him out of the room and ask what was going on and if something you’d done had upset him? That’s what I’d do with a family member I usually had a good relationship with.

This did cross my mind because he was very chatty/fine with DH last night but then couldn’t even say thank you for a sandwich that I gave him today.

I do tend to take things personally and am quite sensitive which is why I wanted others perspective.

His Father needs to sort this out. It’s unacceptable.

So he was rude for the first time two weekends ago. You then didn’t see him for a fortnight. And he was rude the following weekend.

Having never been like this before. Something has happened to him. And he’s acting up. Your husband, his father, needs to talk to him. Take him out for the day, just him and his son.

And your husband just benevolently watched as his son neglected to thank you?

Teens being arseholes is quite common yes but its not ok and hi dad needs to tell him to stop being so bloody rude.