At what age does it stop being acceptable to be smashing a ball against a wall on a quiet Sunday morning in a residential area?

[Watermelonsugar44]

We have lived next door to a family with a son who is obsessed with playing “tennis “ against the wall for about 10 years now.

He hits the ball at about serve level intensity.

It wasn’t too bad when he was younger as it was mainly after school and also our son who is a bit younger also used to play football outside, so although it was a bit annoying, it was understandable.

It got a bit worse around GCSEs and a levels as he obviously had more spare time, so would be thwacking it multiple times a day into the evening and starting about 8am usually.

He is now at uni (hoorah) but seems to be home a lot, still thwacking multiple hours of the day. He must be 19+ by now….

He hits it against his garage wall which is right next to our kitchen and office where my husband works from home and our bedroom above.

He shows no signs of stopping. He doesn’t seem to go out or see friends ever, or work.

We have never said anything because I’ve always presumed it’s just a phase and prefer to keep the peace, but this is ridiculous isn’t it?

Have you spoken to your neighbours. I think after 10 years I might have mentioned something.

It’s not acceptable at any age. I would have spoken to the neighbours years ago.

What have the parents said when previously you've mentioned it to them? Surely you have at some point

No age is acceptable imo. I wouldn't let my kids do it.

We have a kid next door who practices football day in day put noisily- I love it! Mh wise it probably helps him, or maybe he’s a squash player or something! Or maybe he just doesn’t have any friends and this is his outlet, maybe he has mh difficulties- there’s a range of different excuses but at the end of it all just be sure before you make it a thing to your neighbours as maybe he or they need it (I know a young autistic lad that does similar, it’s his outlet)

Can you not say something to him? Come to a compromise?

You have been extremely patient, kind, and understanding op!

Special needs aside (he never goes out?) I think you have more than earned the right to stick your head out of the window and ask politely if he could please practice elsewhere as your dh is trying to make Zoom calls on the other side of the wall!

He is of the age when presumably he can take himself off to the local sports centre?

I’m not sure why age is relevant it is annoying however old the child is. Seems unfair that it was annoying but acceptable when your child was making some of the noise but now they’re not it’s a problem? How often is he home if he is at uni? It’s surprising the parents haven’t said anything because even if that was my own child I wouldn’t let them go all day

Just ask him if he could find somewhere else on Sundays as it’s very noisy and disruptive to his neighbours.

If he was hitting it against a communal wall, I would be all against this but... he isn't. He is practising a sport in his own garden in the daytime.

Don’t be daft.
If he was having loud parties Op would say something. Or the neighbours had a barking dog. Noise nuisance is a thing.

His age isn't relevant to this.

The sound of a ball bouncing or being hit on something really enrages me so I definitely think YANBU

Life is never perfect. Poor boy, this seems his whole world

A phase? For 10 years?

It sounds like it could be a way to manage stress if it increased around exam time. I'd leave him to it. If you could manage when your own DC was making noise, you can manage now.

Yeah I think this as well

once he has somewhere else or something else he would rather be doing

your houses sound quite close

in our present world people make more noise at home because they are just home more - various reasons

upgrade office window to triple glazed sound proof?

Yes, having loud parties would be unacceptable because they are a) loud and b) late. This is neither. It's annoying but it's within perfectly acceptable reasonable enjoyment of his own garden.

Poor boy

Poor adult man?

He is practising a sport in his own garden in the daytime.

If he was practising the drums in his own garden in the daytime, would that be acceptable?

To answer a few questions:

We have never spoken about it. We are on pleasant terms with them but only really say hello. It would have been hypocritical to complain when our son played football in the garden.

When I said just a phase, I presumed it would naturally stop when he got a bit older, but it hasn’t. (My son now he is older goes to the park to play football with friends as the garden is now too small).

There may well be some special needs, i have suspected this. I do also see him walking a lot alone around the village, but obviously he is at uni and attended a secondary local state school.

It would bother me less if it wasn’t so hard, and sometimes if we have friends over for a drink in the garden he does it, even though he can hear we have guests and he plays right next to our table on the other side of the fence. If I was his parent I would tell him not to do it if the neighbours were hosting. (I never let my son out to play football in the garden when our neighbours had guests because to me it was common courtesy.).

Totally agree that regular loud parties would be unacceptable but I think a one-off loud party, when neighbours are given advance warning, is actually easier to cope with than being on the other side of a loud repetitive noise for hours every day. It’s really very intrusive if you have experienced it because you don’t know when it’s going to start or stop and the noise is loud enough to disturb calls but you know that when it does start, it’s going to carry on for ages!

Because obviously a 19 year old hits harder than a 10 year old! Very hard actually! And you sort of expect noise from children.

Uni holidays are quite long and he’s home a lot it feels! It’s not constant, but probably about 6 times per day ranging from 8/9 am to 8/9 pm for 5-10 mins!

So at maximum an hour away day at regular intervals?
I don't really see the issue now

It’s in daytime hours and only 10 minutes or so at a time? Yes. You are being unreasonable if you ask him to stop.

Ball games, any ball games should be prohibited in built up areas. As soon as there’s a bit of sun: thump thump on concrete. Whack whack whack up a fence. I’ll be called a misery but it’s anti social.