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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be concerned about new perfect man?!

12 replies

AuburnStar · Yesterday 00:20

My younger sister is a single mum of 2 young boys, one of which is severely autistic. Both their dads are useless. Our parents have both passed away. She has been financially abused in the past by her ex (not either of the boys dads) and I would say she is vulnerable - she struggles with her mental health and is quite alone in the world really.
I help as much as I can but I have young kids myself and work full time, and I live around 45 mins away. She will also go through periods where she doesn’t respond to anyone and shuts us all out.

She has met a new man in the last month who is separated and has children. On paper he seems great - good job, own home, sees his kids 2/3 nights a week. I just can’t shake the feeling something is off. Things like - He told her how much he earns almost straight away and wanted to buy her an engraved necklace after a few weeks. He has given her a key to his home. She said he treats her like a princess. She hasn’t met his kids but he’s already said he wants to marry her and has been saving himself for a love like theirs?
Honestly - I would love her to meet someone nice, so why can’t I be happy for her with this guy? it just all seems too much. But when I see it written down I feel silly 😂

Also - just in case anyone thinks it - I’m absolutely not jealous - I’m in a happy and stable relationship.

OP posts:
TheWildZebra · Yesterday 00:23

spidey senses usually kick in for a reason.

I’d worry about love-bombing with the necklace and keys etc. not normal behaviour after one month!!!

mumofoneAloneandwell · Yesterday 00:26

Ooo yanbu but i'd be careful with the approach so as not to isolate her

Can you meet him?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · Yesterday 00:26

Sounds like he is love bombing her. Too much too soon. Yanbu to be concerned but she may not listen to you. Can you do a Claire's law request on her behalf?

FlamingoFloss · Yesterday 00:31

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · Yesterday 00:26

Sounds like he is love bombing her. Too much too soon. Yanbu to be concerned but she may not listen to you. Can you do a Claire's law request on her behalf?

This is a good shout

PollyBell · Yesterday 04:23

I would be telling her if she is mature and intelligent enough to be in a relationship she is mature and intelligent enough to open her eyes, princess? That would have me running for the hills alone

Why do women fall for this?

LivingTheDreamish · Yesterday 04:29

So he's separated not divorced? So potentially not that long out of his marriage? I would feel concerned too. She's vulnerable and I agree he's love bombing her. I would tell her how you feel OP. She'll be mad but you might make her just take a small step back and be a bit wary. Also try to meet him if you haven't already.

PollyBell · Yesterday 04:31

LivingTheDreamish · Yesterday 04:29

So he's separated not divorced? So potentially not that long out of his marriage? I would feel concerned too. She's vulnerable and I agree he's love bombing her. I would tell her how you feel OP. She'll be mad but you might make her just take a small step back and be a bit wary. Also try to meet him if you haven't already.

How is she vulnerable? Making bad choices does not automatically make someone vulnerable

JMSA · Yesterday 05:46

PollyBell · Yesterday 04:31

How is she vulnerable? Making bad choices does not automatically make someone vulnerable

She is vulnerable because of the bad choices she has made.

Loulou4022 · Yesterday 09:14

The key thing could have a valid reason, hubs gave me a key to our now home after a couple of weeks (although we’d been chatting for 6 weeks before that due to covid lockdown so seemed longer) as I left much later than him for work so needed to be able to lock up and he didn’t want to kick me out of bed at 6 when I could lie in till 8.
the necklace seems rather early.

DanaScullysLegoHair · Yesterday 09:43

Oh god no. As others have said - he appears to be totally lovebombing her. I would also be concerned for her.

You might have to tread really carefully here as she may not want to hear it, it depends what he has already told her/promised her.

Brightbluesomething · Yesterday 11:05

Yes he’s love bombing her and if he’s recently separated that’s no surprise. There are plenty of women on here who’ve separated and ex insists on 50/50 childcare so they don’t pay maintenance, then they quickly ‘fall in love’ and move in another woman to look after the kids and them so they also get their physical needs met.
And plenty of these women who post saying the veil has dropped and how do they get out when there’s now a joint DC in the mix.
You’re right to be cautious. How much you can change her choices is another matter. You’re just going to have to be there for her when it all falls apart.

TonTonMacoute · Yesterday 11:15

Oh no OP, I fear you are right, but I doubt there is anything you can do.

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