How common is it for friends/family not to repay loans?

[rainershine22]

I posted earlier in the week asking if I as BU for saying 'no' to an old friend who asked me for £4k. Still have no idea what it was for - guess I'll never know. Glad I said 'no' and stuck to my guns.

However, it did get me thinking about how often do you think people shaft friends/family members etc..? Is it more common than we think?

We've all heard horror stories about loaning friends money - and these 'friends' never paying the lender back and thus is causes issues etc...

Why do some people think they don't need to pay friends back? Are they hoping it gets written off as a gift? Do you think 9 times out of 10, people never see their money back - or the friendship is changed forever?

Just curious.

My husbands brother and wife have borrowed thousands of us and never paid any back. We are better of than them but they aren’t skint. Some of the money was for their wedding and it was actually from my bank account and they just didn’t bother paying any of it back. Unfortunately my husband doesn’t want to fall out with his brother so won’t do anything about it.
some people really don’t have any shame. I’d never do that.

God, I don’t know how people can live with themselves. My multi millionaire friend lent me £20k when I was leaving my marriage with no job & so I could secure a new house, furnish it from scratch etc. I paid him £5k back in the first year. Then he suddenly and unexpectedly died. I did consider briefly if this meant I didn’t have to pay it back. But morally I couldn’t do that. I contacted his mother and made arrangements to pay it back to his estate which was all being left to his mother. He was a good friend who helped me in a tricky time. Yes he could have afforded to lose the money, his mother inherited millions, £20k wouldn’t have made much difference to her but it wasn’t my money to keep. Anyone who doesn’t pay back these loans are disgusting and devoid of morals.

I have lent money a few times to friends, from a few hundred to £3k (quite a decent % of my savings at the time but it was a serious situation for the borrower), and it's always been paid back. (Family have never asked.)

I never lend without thinking about how it would affect me if it weren't repaid. I have known these people well enough to know that if they didnt repay me it would be because they couldn't. Or laziness in which case nagging them would be fine 😂

@rainershine22 it comes down to morals and self entitlement.

I've borrowed money before and always paid it back exactly as arranged. Not paying it back is exceptionally rude.

I think some people just seem to think they deserve stuff more than someone else and think its OK not to pay them back.

Very common. There is a saying, paraphrasing, about giving money to family and friends and not expecting it back even if called a 'loan'.

If you can't afford to lose it, don't 'lend' it and that goes for the money and the relationship.

Don’t lend what you can’t afford to lose. Sadly there’s a reason some people can’t get bank loans etc. It makes sense to me that you could lend to family/ friends and then they pay you back with interest higher than saving but lower than borrowing, which would mean that everyone benefits. It’s a bit like when people expect mates rates from small businesses though - because it’s a real person instead of a faceless conglomerate there seems to be some expectation that they should do things for you out of the goodness of their heart instead of it being a financial transaction.

I think there are probably not many genuine reasons to borrow money from a friend/family.

Forty years ago, I lent my sister money. Obviously, I never got it back but it did teach me if someone very close will not pay back their debt then friends are definitely unlikely to.

I’ve only ever borrowed once (with my husband of the time, from his mother). A legal document was drawn up and a standing order set up. We borrowed £5,000 for a house deposit and I paid back £8,400. That taught me a lesson as well.

I’d never lend money now. If I love someone enough (like my adult children) then I’ll give them the money if they need it.

Very common.
My in laws used as a free cash machine always on the promise they would repay, never did and of course it was us being awkward when we refused to do it anymore.

Its not a case of seeing money differently, or even of being a spender vs a saver or desperate - its a case of character. Decent human beings have a code they live by, and one of the tenets of decency is that just as you return things you borrow, you repay money. In fact you should go a step further and repay not just the actual sum but some interest, as the kindness of the lender will have cost them.