To hate it when people I know ask how my job search is going?

[WryJadeWren]

I know this usually comes from a good place and people are trying to be supportive. But when you’re in the middle of a job search, I sometimes find the question stressful rather than helpful, especially when there’s nothing new to report or when it’s not going particularly well. It can feel like having to relive the same uncertainty over and over, even though I know no harm is meant.

AIBU to feel this way? Am I being oversensitive?

Do lots of people know?

I'm with you!! I've been out of work for 9 months and my parents and sister seem to ask me nearly every day! I hate telling them I have an interview because I feel like it jinxes it!

As you recognise, it’s coming from a good place. If you don’t want to discuss it I’d just say; “Ok, but not much to report.”

Don't tell them.

You are being over sensitive. Are you out of work?

It is coming from a good place but if you’re struggling to find work, it’s going to be exhausting constantly saying there’s nothing to report.

It is a coming from a good place but you can also just say you’re finding it tough and don’t want to keep going over it, would people mind not asking you but you will tell them all the details when you find something.

I don't feel comfortable lying.

Or… tell them how you’re feeling

tell em to bore off. They will know it's going ok when you get a job.

I’ve been job hunting for a year and I hate that question.

Ive stopped telling people about interviews because it makes me feels worse to have to tell them when I didn’t get it. I’ve started avoiding people.

Well it's difficult. I have serious heart problems and the first thing people say when we meet is "How are you?" and I have to think what to say ... do I lie ("Oh much better thanks"? .... do I tell the truth ("Getting worse")?

I do remind myself that the question comes from genuine concern, but I do get fed up with being the "sick person" as you must with being the "unemployed person."

You're blaming their friendly question for your internal discomfort about your situation.

If you don't want people to ask, you have to keep your business private. But do you really want people not to care enough to ask? They're asking to signal they are interested in you and your wellbeing.

Have you tried being honest but brief? 'It's a slog, I'm feeling nervous but just keeping going because I know something will turn up. I appreciate you asking, but please can we talk about something else?'

Dealing with uncertainty is hard, but the question is not the cause of the difficult feelings - so learning how to manage that uncertainty will help more than trying to avoid being asked normal questions.

Can you come up with a stick response?
“Nothing yet but lots of applications in and feeling positive! So tell me about x”
basically immediately deflect to move convo on?

Just tell them you will let them know when you have news

Tell them to lay off, it's not helpful and adding to your stress - of course you'll let them know as soon as you have anything to report.

I wouldn’t be able to refrain from being rude and saying “Well, if it was going well I’d have a job by now.” The other person would swiftly move the conversation to another topic.

That is rude because surely someone’s response could be - I got a job!

I totally get it. Just answer briefly and uninformatively and change the subject asap. Any normal polite person will follow your lead. One thing I find though, when someone has an overwhelming issue (like needing a job), it often really dominates their thoughts and they can lack other conversation. So the conversation naturally gravitates back to ‘the job hunting’. Which they also don’t want to talk about. Which makes conversation super difficult. So be ready with lots of alternative random chit chat to steer everyone away from the thing you don’t want to talk about.

"I don't feel comfortable lying."
Then you should be ok to tell them that you find the question uncomfortable.

Personally I would use their interest as an excuse for a rant about job adverts. Like why is 'customer service' and ' passion' so closely linked?

How annoying it is when you login to finally send off your completed application to discover the deadline was bought forward 5 days due to weight of applications. etc etc.

If they are anything like most of my friends or acquaintances just express the merest suggestion of emotionally honesty and the conversation will turn like lightening

"The market is terrible. I'm finding it incredibly draining and demoralising"
Would 💯 do the trick woth people i know.

Having moved jobs in q1 this year. I know how hard it is.
I think people who havent changed jobs don't really understand it
I would say try and tap your network. Speak to old colleagues and see if theres anything open/opening.