I've been offline for forever (like a week)
Keir Starmer has had the photo of doom taken (he's in the back of a car, looking absolutely traumatised - its never good once that happens)
Justin Bieber is back and better (i'm a belieber so love him)
Mafs Australia got boring for me but apparently theyre all crazy
Sara Cox has replaced Scott whatshisname on radio2
Russell brand is admitting to being a rapist, but doing so by stealth
I'm a celeb got crazy juicy just now!
Trump reckons he can restart the Falklands war
Britney is finally in rehab
Fucking hell