To feel like life is really bloody unfair?

[bringonyourwreckingball]

When I married my exh we were both doing the same job, relatively high earners but stressful, long hours. Dd1 came along, I took a step,back career wise (still working 4 days a week in a high stress job and still earning quite a high salary just not nearly as much as exh). I did everything, he was useless, never home before 8pm, I organized all childcare and holidays and household stuff, did all the cooking etc. 3 years ago I discovered he’d been cheating for years with prostitutes and was having a long term affair with a sugar daddy arrangement spending thousands of our money on his kinks. 3 months after he moved out I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Dealt with that through the very nasty divorce and both kids doing exams.
‘he has a girlfriend, a lovely house and the kids still have a relationship with him but he has no responsibility for them. I have nothing. How is this remotely fair?

I'm so sorry. Life really is terribly unfair.

But remember this. He will always be the despicable person he is. Therefore, does he really have anything?

You're not despicable and can hold your head high

what is the split of the children between you and him?

Op posted almost identical thread a year ago.

I think you need therapy op. You’re not moving on at all. It will help you and your children.

Life is absolutely not fair. But he's rotten and he has to live with himself. You don't anymore.

I would place money it will turn around. It always does. Life is a funny thing

It really really doesn’t “always”.

A silly thing to say

Life can be unfair but I imagine his life looks cooshy from the outside but its actually misrable being the person he is. He is not capable of a meaningful relationship by the sounds of it and im sure his girlfriend will find out in time. Not much to be jelous of.

I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time op. However there were options in your life. When you realised he was useless with your first child, you could have left and changed things way back then. It’s done now, you can only move forward. He sounds so useless so well rid of him.

Life is not fair. Of course it is not.

How did you end up with nothing if you were married and are both high earners?

I have just over 50% of the assets but that won’t enable me to house me and my kids in the same area because my income, although relatively high, is half his because I looked after the kids.

Because a good moral compass is better than having good health and being able to afford to live. No one is buying that and if you truly believe it, I guarantee one day of hardship would change your view.

Not what I said...

Op you need to move on.
You are as bitter today as you weee when you started almost identical thread a year ago.
Your adult kids presumably intend to move out soonish? How often do they see their dad?

It's a tale as old as time and it keeps on repeating itself.
No, it's not fair that men get to more or less walk away, shirk responsibility and then revert to their 20 something selves with a new woman.
But all you can do is try your best to improve your own life now.

Also you say your children "still have a relationship with him" which of course they should but they aren't daft, they know who does the most for them, who has their backs & who they can rely on. Enjoy the closer relationship you have with your children & know that this is the important stuff.

Op, bloody well done for getting through the whole shitty mess. You sound amazing. Life is disgustingly unfair and deeply disappointing.

I don’t think your ex is miserable being the person he is at all. I think he probably is really happy and thinks he’s ‘winning’ at life.

However, don’t dwell on him at all. Focus on building building building.

You’re powerful.

Life feels shitty because you’re only focusing on the shitty stuff.
Just from the info you have given I can see you have survived breast cancer, you have 2 wonderful children and have exited an unhappy marriage with dignity!
What about family and friends? Your job? Where do you live now? Pets? Even small stuff like flowers in your garden and beautiful bed sheets are positives! That’s what you need to focus on!!

Yep life is unfair. That's just true.

There's the accident of which country you are born in, health etc. Lots of variables.

Bit you can't change the past, you can move forward.

Is he paying the correct maintenance?

And you need to get a property, it won't be as big or nice as your old one, but you will have a home.

And you have your children.

Then you rebuild your life. Ignore him and what he's doing