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to put my dc in nursery for a morning rather than have Mum look after him?

17 replies

onthepier · 20/06/2008 11:12

Basically my mum is very good with my ds. I work part-time though, 3 mornings a week, 2 of which he is in nursery.

However, Mum offered to help out the other morning, she feels 3 times a week in nursery is too much for him.

I'm grateful, to be honest it saves me the running up + down to the nursery that day as she looks after him at my house.

However, as soon as I'm back from work she starts, "You've got so many toys in this house, seems chaotic everywhere, I've cleaned your bathroom windows, when were they last done?!"

I go through the house thoroughly every week, clearing up daily, (admittedly a high volume of toys with 2 young dc's!), but they all get played with, are neatly stacked at the end of each day + then come out again!

My ds is a fussy eater although his overall diet is good. When Mum's there though, he'll never eat what I've left for him, she then gets stressed + I have all that when I get back as well!

It's getting to the stage that the night before she looks after him I'm up until a ridiculous time clearing the decks, feeling v. tired the next day.

Have offered several times to have him in nursery for this one day but that upsets her, "Oh no I love spending time with him", etc.

Am I being unreasonable to just book him in + suggest she sees my children at other times, comes out with us weekends etc?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 20/06/2008 11:14

I could have written this
"When he's asleep I could clean the dining room, you're just not getting organised"
from the woman who gave me a "the dust can wait" sticker when DS was born

StealthPolarBear · 20/06/2008 11:16

"let me hang your washing on the airer"
follwed by telling me how I overload the machine, shouldn't wash this with that

Yes I am being very ungrateful but I say "No thank you" politely and then she sulks.
Also do the manic cleaning the night before, sometimes up till 11 but I'm sure she will notice the one thing I miss.

belgo · 20/06/2008 11:16

An extre day at nursery sounds like the best solution.

I'm sure there'll be plenty of times when you ask your mum to look after him when he's ill.

jojosmaman · 20/06/2008 11:22

Nursery. My MIL offered/ told us[hmmm] that she would look after ds full time when she retired. We declined the offer as ds was already settled in nursery 3 days a week and tbh, i couldnt be bothered with the hassle of all the MIL stuff that would have come with it even though we would have saved huge amounts of money each month.

jojosmaman · 20/06/2008 11:23

not [hmmm]

AMumInScotland · 20/06/2008 11:23

I'd say your options really are the extra day at nursery, but making sure you still give your mum a chance to spend time with DS. Or else could she have him at her house? It sounds like the problem is more having her spending a morning in your house every week, as much as the childcare issue.

HiddenIcon · 20/06/2008 11:25

Yikes my mother is the same. I like it best when my Dc go the the child-minder. She does not complain about my lackof ironing.

Mothers...who'd ave em?

Saymyname · 20/06/2008 12:06

If you thought three days in nursery was too much for him then that would be different, but it sounds like that's your mother's idea and not yours.

If she wants to see more of him couldn't you keep him in nursery and get her to come round on Saturday or Sunday afternoons while you go out for a nice lunch?

MsDemeanor · 20/06/2008 12:08

Couldn't she look after him at her house? Or just talk to her, say you know she is only trying to help, but when she says things like X and Y, you feel criticised and it makes it stressful for you and that it makes you think it would be better for you if your child was in nursery.

LittleMyDancing · 20/06/2008 12:10

Have you tried talking to her about her comments? She might not realise she's upsetting you.

Rather than put him in nursery, might be worth saying 'look, we really appreciate you looking after DS and he loves spending time with you, but you're making me really stressed out with your comments about our house etc, so could you stop'

Or could she have him at her house instead?

LittleMyDancing · 20/06/2008 12:10

x posts MsDemeanor - we do seem to think alike recently!

MsDemeanor · 20/06/2008 12:11

Ooer, snap indeed !

Booboobedoo · 20/06/2008 12:13

Is there any way you can detatch from the critism? My Mum is similar (and looks after DS 2 afternoons a week), but I'm grateful that she does it, I know she loves him and looks after him beautifully, and I ignore her 'helpful comments'.

If your Mum wants to wash the windows, let her! Wish someone would wash mine.

I don't remember our house being particularly perfect when I was little, so I try and bring that to mind whenever Mum mentions the skirting boards not having been painted, and certainly don't clear up 'specially for her. (I do make her cakes, though).

cat64 · 20/06/2008 12:20

This reply has been deleted

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2boys2 · 20/06/2008 13:46

i have experienced the same thing and my ds2 now goes to nursery. Afterall when my mother is doing all the "jobs" that i so lack doing - who is playing with my boy??

I do however have BIG issues with my parents anyway over the lack of boundries with comments like what your experiencing and also the fact that they will go in our bedroom as they "need something" from it. (plus other stuff too)

I also have the problem though that my parents will constanly remind me and my husband that they have done stuff and we have to thank them over and over and over and over etc.......

sitdownpleasegeorge · 20/06/2008 13:59


for this very reason for babysitting purposes I prefer the dc to go to grandma's house.

onthepier · 20/06/2008 14:03

Thanks for all your posts, some of your mums sound very similar to mine, their generation obviously think differently!

Must admit my housework gets done "in between" other things, if it's a lovely sunny day my priority is to take the dc's somewhere nice + tackle household chores later , when we were small I think my mum did the opposite!

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