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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel uneasy about his close friendship with an ex-FWB?

5 replies

Chrosley · 24/04/2026 16:41

Hi all, so I’ve been seeing a man for about 3 months. We were recently talking about friendships etc, and he mentioned to me that one of his closest friends was someone he had a friends with benefits set up with for a few years.
He told me he met her through his flat mates a few years ago before he lived alone, they went on 3 dates before deciding they were better as just friends, but they did occasionally have sex.
Of all his friends she lives the nearest to him and they work in a similar area so they often meet for drinks, play tennis together or similar.

He told me they haven’t had sex since August and she has been in a new relationship since November and they would never get in the way of each others dating life’s but they do still meet for drinks sometimes. He claims she is one of his closest friends but doesn’t want their history to make me uncomfortable and felt honesty was the best approach before we make this anything serious.

I don’t know how I feel about this, they seem to meet up about once a week, which does feel like a lot for an adult friendship when they don’t work together or have lots of mutuals.

AIBU to be uncomfortable with this? Would this make you uncomfortable?

OP posts:
Itsalwayslocation · 24/04/2026 16:54

How old is everyone involved? As in, are you hoping to marry and have kids and this FWB is either going to fade away or be a long term problem where you’re left with the kids and he’s meeting her once a week at the pub…

I would have a problem with this. I’m not anti “men and women as friends” but it’s too close for my comfort. I wouldn’t make any ultimatums, I’d move on and look for someone truly available - not someone who is emotionally invested in another woman.

Chrosley · 24/04/2026 16:56

Itsalwayslocation · 24/04/2026 16:54

How old is everyone involved? As in, are you hoping to marry and have kids and this FWB is either going to fade away or be a long term problem where you’re left with the kids and he’s meeting her once a week at the pub…

I would have a problem with this. I’m not anti “men and women as friends” but it’s too close for my comfort. I wouldn’t make any ultimatums, I’d move on and look for someone truly available - not someone who is emotionally invested in another woman.

I’m 30, I already have a son who is 6.
He is 28, she is 25.

I would prefer something serious of course but I’m in no hurry, I wouldn’t introduce my son for at least a year anyway etc.

OP posts:
Backawayfromthesausage · 24/04/2026 16:57

Meh if they wished to be together they would be not in new relationships. I mean why would they start with you and the new bloke. They were single. They clearly don’t want to be together.

what do you think he’s a cheat or in love with here? If so bin him off.

Bristolandlazy · 24/04/2026 16:58

You can be friends with an ex FWB , be pleased for them that they're dating and maintain boundaries. If they were that great they'd be an item.

Beachwalker66 · 24/04/2026 18:20

I would steer well clear of this situation

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