AIBU to ask school why my son is having regular chats?

[Logmodey]

Let me start by saying that not once have we ever been called in to DS(16)'s school to discuss behaviour, and his written reports have not highlighted concerns.

(One parents evening, his female science teacher said he messes about a lot - i know the entire class messed about for her, she was unable to cope, and left teaching to go back to research in Hong Kong. I mention her sex as this all boys school has a low number of female teachers.)

I have realised from things DS has said that he has been having 1:1 chats with the second master, who is also deputy Designated Safeguard Lead.

Partly DS said this was because of his low level messing about inside/outside lessons. Now he's in 6th form, apparently its just interesting chats about everyday stuff.

I know schools have a duty to look out for preventing radicalisation, and the manosphere is also on the radar for safeguarding concerns.

I also know of an incident on DofE, where they teamed up with a girls school. DS was forced to apologise to a girl who had pushed him into a hedge - he got angry and made her cry, apparently not directly but by talking about her/complaining about her to his mate, in her earshot. I can fully believe DS might have been a bit belligerent as he can be at home occasionally.

Again, ive only heard about any of the above from DS himself, who doesn't think any of it is a big deal.

WIBU to make an appointment with someone at school to see what the chats are about? Am I just being nosy? I am very torn, also have anxiety disorder, so perhaps I'd just be doing it for me. Should I work on the basis that school will come to me if they have concerns?

Any advice is welcome.

I think the school will contact you, and would've contacted you if there was anything you needed to be aware of behaviour wise. I think you're making leaps in your head. He's 16 and deserves some privacy. I don't think the school should tell you what the chats are about, that should come from your son. But only if he wants to. I'd be checking in that everything's ok with him but otherwise leaving it.

All the pupils at my DSs sixth form have regular chats with a mentor. Are you sure your DS's chats aren't just the standard offer for all pupils?

It will all be logged but they won't share the contents of those discussions with you, even if you request it - he's entitled to his privacy (and legally entitled, under GDPR).

Students often have mentors in school - just because it's a DSL, doesn't mean he's in any sort of trouble. In fact, if he was, they absolutely would have discussed that with you.

Staff also sometimes meet with students at their request, when they want advice or to discuss things they may not feel comfortable discussing with parents. It's a positive thing for him to have a 'trusted adult' to speak with.