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Original poster

Did you find love (and even kids?) after 40? Feeling hopeless

31 replies

Toawond · 23/04/2026 20:23

I am lucky that I have a wonderful 5 year old child already. Unfortunately the man I thought wanted to spend his life with me in actual fact did not.

I have (I guess like most people) always wanted a relationship and a family unit. Of course I know me and my child are a family but I would love a marriage and another child.

I am 40 in October and it all has started to feel quite hopeless. I do try online dating but I’m pretty indifferent about it. I guess I could do more to try and find someone but I’d love to just meet someone ‘organically’ and it feel right. I suppose that’s luck really isn’t it? Did it happen for you?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toawond · Yesterday 20:33

ithinkilikethislittlelife · Yesterday 18:26

I had a child and was separated when I met my now dh when I was 39. I had a baby with him at 40 then another at 45. We are joyously happy and he is the love of my life. I genuinely didn’t know what a proper healthy relationship was until I met him. We have been together 15 years and we have never had a cross word. He’s bloody fabulous.

@ithinkilikethislittlelife where did you meet him?! Sounds wonderful

OP posts:
Original poster
Toawond · Yesterday 20:34

Compsearch · 23/04/2026 20:55

Not recent at all! but my great grandparents got married in their 40s in about 1918 - both considered very old and obviously wouldn’t think of having children - then they had 3 healthy boys in 3 years. I think my great grandmother was 42-44and my grandfather 48-50 when they had their sons. They absolutely doted on them and were all very happy. My great grandmother lived well into her 90s and was adored by my mother.

@Compsearch this is so heartwarming!

OP posts:
Original poster
Toawond · Yesterday 20:34

ARKane · Yesterday 12:15

Sorry OP, but I think you need to put the child you already have first by not bringing anyone you barely know into their life.
Realistically, if you meet someone, you would need time to get to know them, to trust them and be sure they’re the one, on the same page etc
You would have to really rush things along and that’s just not worth the risk.
Dating is one thing, but the idea that you’re going to meet someone (willing to help raise a child from a previous relationship), ttc and all live together in the space of a few years is naive.
I understand if you just want to indulge the fantasy a bit, but it’s a terrible idea if you actually intend to try do it.

@ARKane your post has put a bit of a downer on my budding enthusiasm 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Toawond · Yesterday 20:35

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/04/2026 20:47

Op we should be friends! I have a three year old who I adore but also really yearn for another one(I think he’d love a baby too) and I’m torn because I’m so scared of bringing a bad man in his life and being abandoned while pregnant again. I only have one night free a week. It’s hard as it’s either child free men who want to be spontaneous and don’t get why I don’t actively pursue hobbies (lol) or it’s nice decent guys who have kids but they usually live further out (I’m in London) and are settled with big kids in school so can’t move, as the nice ones often do 5050 or close, and they tend to not want any more children.
my friend at 40 has met a good guy a year ago who seems like a decent coparent with his child’s mum and has one child and wanted more but sods law my friend already has three so won’t have another with him! So they are out there it’s just lots to sift through to find one and it’s hard to find the energy to do all the sifting. Sienna miller and Paloma faith and Kourtney Kardashians and Ellie Goulding are my inspiration at the moment xx

@Unexpectedlysinglemum Oh please DM me! It’s difficult time wise isn’t it. I’d love it to just happen organically but just not sure how it would now. I find online dating just the same old rubbish

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · Yesterday 20:53

I met my bloke online when I was 44. We celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary on Sunday.

ithinkilikethislittlelife · Yesterday 20:54

Toawond · Yesterday 20:33

@ithinkilikethislittlelife where did you meet him?! Sounds wonderful

Show quote history

In a pub with friends. It was lust at first sight then on our first proper date I knew it was love. He told me he loved me two weeks later. It is wonderful. He is wonderful.

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