AIBU to complain about safety after violent behaviour in primary class?

[TeutoburgForest]

NC for this and posting here for traffic

My child is in primary school in what has always been a lovely class. Last year a child transferred in who had been removed from his mum’s care so obviously issues going on, now living with a different family member.

The child is extremely violent and threatens other children for telling the teachers. They have been temporarily excluded at least twice - the latest for two days. Yesterday the child attacked my child and gave a death threat. The children in the class do not feel safe and obviously are not safe! I pushed to meet the head and executive head today and asked them at what threshold this behaviour meets the grounds for permanent exclusion. The answer was basically - it won’t. The child will be given extra support and referrals will be made etc but the head said the bar for permanent exclusion is so high it basically won’t happen. I said (because this kid already had a mountain of support) so basically for the next two years the rest of class have to put up with things as they are? Silence. I’m appalled that the majority of kids are used in what feels like a social experiment so that a tiny minority get to be educated ‘in their community’. I’m going to the board of governors/education trust executive team with complaints re safeguarding of the rest of the class - any advice on how to do this effectively welcome.

It’s like that for a big number of school children. Everybody has a right to an education but because of a lack of specialist school places, 29 other kids suffer so that the 30th child gets their education.
The idea that most kids with SEN can be educated in mainstream is a money saving lie.

Thanks for the responses so far. It’s entirely depressing. I have always been against private school but I think we have no other option

How old is your child? Im a great advocate of martial arts/self defence classes. My GC started age 5, working their way through the belts. Now 10 and never has any issues. It builds confidence as well as keeping themselves safe.
If the school is not prepares to protect the children then the children will have to protect themselves.
Kids soon learn when someone gives them a taste of their own medicine. The ones who fight back are usually the ones who are left alone in the future
I'll get my coat.....

I am afraid I agree with you. The only problem is the child that fights back is the one who will get suspended or excluded.

If the child does assault a member of staff then there is a greater chance of the child being excluded.

It was clear today that the suspension was given as my child did not fight back. If they had, the messaging was that the suspension wouldn’t have been so ‘clear cut’ as the other child’s behaviour could have been interpreted as provoked/part of a general fight

when you say this child attacked your child what do you mean? Kicked them? Badly injured them?

your focus should be on their duty of care to keep your child safe for a similar attack, as what they are doing in terms of risk assessment.

You can also have a lot of influence in advising your child to keep safe and away from them . how is your child? Are they ok but cross or genuinely scared to go to school? Where did the attacking happen, eh on a quiet bit of playground? can they stick near teachers ? Walk away when the child approaches them? Etc. be there for your child to talk through their feelings as well - this high energy panic you’re in is understandable but isn’t helping your child feel safe and understood. You making a fuss won’t get this child excluded any faster - but it could get better safe guard protocols put in place.

its a very very bad look for schools who exclude looked after children they’re the most vulnerable in society. If the child is now in a safe home, and therapy is in place, it’s likely they will improve a lot soon.

Well that's very wrong. While I don't encourage a child to fight back unless cornered, an obviously attacked child should be understood and given support and help to use other strategies. A one to one is clearly necessary here. All a suspension is doing is allowing a day or a few days reprieve foe the others. It won't improve this child's behaviour. The idea of removing this child from the play ground - is this where it happened? - and into small focused play groups or emotional support groups would be my approach. Having a one to one where needed would also go along way to reassuring you and the children in the class. School needs to be very clear that no, this dangerous behaviour will not be tolerated. It can be done but is there a will?

OP, please can you answer the questions regarding how old the children are?

If he is over 10 years old it could make a difference if there is an occasion where you want the police involved for example.

The Head is correct, the school will do nothing no matter how much you complain. You either move your child or teach them to defend themselves. Even troubled children will want to avoid a smack in the mouth and find an easier target.

that’s a joke in itself though isn’t it? That the thug gets an education. An education in what exactly? Smashing the place up?!

OP please try and let go of your prejudice towards private schools your child will likely have a MUCH better experience because they don’t have to tolerate behaviour like this. A kid like that wouldn’t even get over the threshold.

My child is 8. Although they are massive, they are a gentle giant and no amount of encouragement will get them to retaliate I think (though I will think about this). I also think with this other child retaliation will likely just escalate things as he absolutely loses control

I agree. Worth role playing with him (unfortunately) tho likely these attacks are impulsive and over in a second. Which increases that sense of panic and vigilance in tbe other children.
Was It in the yard or classroom? Is there a second adult in tbe class? Id be quite prescriptive to this school if they're incapable of coming up with a Safeguarding plan here. I'm very angry for you and all it will do for the new child is lead to him being disliked. If he was one of my target children (Ireland), I'd be increasing his withdrawal hours, working on his emotional support and building a wamr relationship, as well as the other approaches I've outlined above.

Do you know when the violence is happening? During class or during breaks?

Do other parents feel the same as you?

The school has a duty of care to keep the pupils safe and if they will not remove the violent child then they need to put things in place to keep the other children safe.

You can go to the governors if the head is refusing to put any additional measures in place.

Welcome to the (fairly big) group of parents who had to decide between accepting no education for their child, homeschooling or going private.
Schools have no money, councils take years to get funding in place, and TAs are so poorly paid that they won’t find a 1-2-1 for a violent child anyway.

I live in a rough area, so put my son (also naturally gentle) into boxing and jiu jitsu classes. Did wonders for his confidence in defending himself, his possessions, even his friends. You need to escalate further than the bully. Nobody else will help you with this situation and you can't be there to protect your child when they need it. Sadly, they need the skills to do it themselves.

Something needs to be done about this disruptive child, the other pupils including your child have a right to learn without fear.

I would be tempted to say you will keep your child home until they come up with a robust risk management strategy for keeping them safe. They won't want the bad attendance statistics...

So only bad injuries are an issue?
Its the child who being attacked responsibility to stop getting attacked?
its laughable but true that more weight is given to things looking bad for a school for removing a violent child, rather than the damage the violent child is causing to others and property!
but as it goes now.. there is a two tier situation! It’s ok for some children to be constantly assaulted, but an absolute no to the violent child facing consequences as that’s “not kind”…

There are high needs children without adequate support because the process of providing support is evidenced based ie the impact on their own well-being and access to education and the impact on peers and teaching staff of not receiving support beyond that the school normally gives.

It may seem obvious that the child will struggle but there seems to be a belief that the setting in and of itself will be sufficient for all needs to disappear as if by magic. Give it time, more time to collect evidence and apply for support and before you know it years have passed to the detriment of everyone.

Timely access to specialist teaching within mainstream and access to specialist schools produces better outcomes for DC effected and provides better teaching environments for peers not directly affected.

I hoped that parents of NT DC would understand that the fights undertaken by parents of high need DC for appropriate education were also in their interests. It turns out they were not prepared to stand up for better support or alternative placement but now don’t want high needs DC in their mainstream school. What did they expect would happen?

Also a school governor (primary) and agree. We had a permanent exclusion a couple of years ago.

You will be so glad you did op. This type of crap wouldn’t be tolerated. That child will be managed out or expelled. Zero tolerance for any violence regardless of the reason.

Of your child has been physically hit or assaulted , then my advice for you would be to escalate to the police. The head teachers hands really are tied, but they won’t like it being escalated to the police as it’s a lot of work.

If you take your child to martial arts classes they will be taught defences as well as attacks.

my dc found the defences very useful as it wasn’t seen as retaliating, just protecting his body.

There already appear to be a raft of things in place - e.g. the child is separated off at breaks into a supervised ‘lunch club’ etc although he doesn’t have a 1-2-1 which I will put in my Governors letter. The class teacher gave them an extra break yesterday which was not sufficiently supervised which is when he attacked my child. But this child has been grabbing boys testicles in classes/corridors etc, putting grass in kids’ mouths, etc etc. he regularly tells the class teacher to F off. My child came out of school so happy and content today and said it had been so much calmer without the other child there. I have an appointment to view a private school. Changing schools seems inevitable but will financially cripple us

And yes, the class parents I talk to have all had incidents with the child and feel the same. It has been raised with SLT who just say they will do sessions with the class children to let them know it’s safe to speak up