AIBU to feel isolated after being left out by my friends

[Bluelights9999]

AIBU to feel very down and isolated ? In the last year one of my friends whom I’ve been friends with for years and was very close to decided to ignore/ be very dry towards me, I see the rest of of the group online all doing things whilst I am constantly left out. At the time this originally started after a night in their house, purposely talking over me disagreeing with things they had previously agreed with me on etc. in this time I have recently had my second baby - one of said group hasn’t even made any effort to come and see dc (feel
this is her way of saying she’s has no interest) which is fine but I just cannot understand why? And they aren’t the type of
people you could have a constructive conversation with. I’m just feeling very low and isolated/lonely and left out and don’t know where you would even make new friends now at this age? Everyone seems to have established friendships. I suppose I’m just venting. Any advice welcome.

If they’re not the type of people to have reasonable conversations with they are not the type of people you should be friends with. I would pull way back and simply stop seeking them out or communicating with them, and focus on making genuine friendships.

This is not the type of friendship you need and not what you want to model for your children.

Making friends as an adult can feel overwhelming and difficult but it is possible. Are you going to any baby or toddler groups? Could you ask someone if they fancied a coffee one day or to go a walk?

They sound vile. Why are you upset over losing them?

Some women never ever grow out of the mean girl phase, its really a bit sad. Personally I would rather have no friends at all than friends who treat me like this, I cannot be doing with bitchiness in any context, or at any stage of life tbh.

If you've just had a baby there will be tons of opportunities to make new friends. Go to a couple of baby groups, library sessions, etc. You'll make friends with other parents when they go to nursery, then primary school, extra curricular stuff.

Don't fall out with them, just rise above, stop making the effort and let them come to you if they want.

Are there any baby/toddler groups or activities in your area? A lot of people feel isolated when they have a baby so you are likely to meet others looking for new friends. Also, if your children are similar ages, you'll be seeing these parents for several years at nursery and school.

Is there anyone in your old group that you would want to contact and maybe arrange to meet up, just one to one? Sometimes the dynamics of a group changes over time but a smaller get together still works.

Yes toddler groups are good. Op let them off. Find grown women can be nasty at times. I joined walking met a few that way. Met one for coffee last week.

I think you need to take control of the situation by letting them get on with it and fading them out of your life. If that means muting them on Facebook so you can’t see their posts or ignoring their texts then so be it.

Without knowing the full story it sounds like something has happened and one of your “friends” for some reason no longer likes you / outgrown you and the others have followed like sheep hence the evening where they talked over you and disagreed with everything you said and made you feel uncomfortable.

Although I believe it is fine to meet up with friends and not always invite everyone, if they are ALL meeting other than you then I think the right thing to do is to forget this friendship group.

Although you might have to fake it until you make it right now, taking control of the situation yourself is going to make you feel better in the long run. You can leave the friendship with your head held high knowing that you were the one that walked away from these horrible friends.

Making friends is incredibly hard, I’m 31 and it can be a struggle but it is better to have no friends right now then six fake ones or however many of them are there.

Make an effort to join baby groups and get chatting to other parents, I do yoga once a week without my child and get talking to other people there. Perhaps there is a hobby that you could take up that will get you out around other people.

Don’t feel silly making conversation first, a simple hi I’m new here and I don’t know anyone, what’s your name? Could spark a friendship.

I’m not sure it’s entirely helpful on these posts to jump immediately to ‘they’re vile’ when all the op actually says is that they don’t want to be friends with her any more. You don’t know anything about either them or the op.
it’s time to make new friends op.

Do they have kids? If they do, do they have multiple and are they the same age? If not it does really change friendships.

Not in all cases. Some of my friends have kids, some don’t. We all hang out together as a group and some individually.

Impossible to say without more information or examples of how they have left you out.

Is one of them failing to get pregnant when she wants to?
is one of them failing to find a partner (presumably you do have one)
are all their DCs teenagers and babies are boring?
do the others want more children but can’t afford them?
it seems to coincide with the new baby’s arrival so is there a connection?

Has anyone successfully made new friends in their 30’s?. Very recently been very left out by a group of woman I thought I was very good friends with 20 plus years and I’m wondering if anyone has successfully made new friendships in their 30’s, I look on in sadness when I see groups of woman out here and there with friends, have people that support them and vice versa, going on holidays etc That genuine friendship which I know can be hard to find. I suppose I’m just look for some advice/reassurance , it’s really began to take a massive toll on my mental health as the loneliness has just completely consumed me, being at home with two small children all day and not really having anyone is really hard. Sorry for venting I suppose I’m just looking to see if there’s anyone else out there in the predicament? And just to clarify no there was no falling out etc , one just decided to completely blank and ignore me and the rest just followed suit sadly but there you go, life I suppose ……

Most my friends I've met since I was 30!

Friends come and go. That's life.

Life changes. Interests change. Schedules change. So friendships change.

Go join some clubs or activities and meet people doing stuff you enjoy.

Thank you this is reassuring xx

I have just had a very similar experience with my friendship groups. One has seemed to have had an issue with me for a while, Queen Bee type and I refused to comply like the rest. I decided to walk away last week as it was making me anxious so have just stopped engaging in the group chat and I’m out. I am 58. Life is too short to play into these toxic group dynamics and mean girls don’t change, you will meet your people and have some good advice on here about how to make friends.

Yes I suspect one these - none of which are the OP’s fault.

Thank you for this! Yes mines is very the same queen bee no one wants to saying anything back to her and I’m sick of the passive aggressive comments! Hopefully I can find my people soon! And you yours!x

From what I’ve read, if you quietly withdraw from the group, the queen bee won’t get her power fix from being mean to you, and it’s only a question of time before she starts on someone else in the group, and over time it’s no longer the group of friends that you hoped it would remain.

Hopefully by then you’ll have struck up new contacts - but these mean girls are such a waste of everyone’s time & emotional energy!