To question my ability to work full time

[Boxoffluffyducks]

I currently work PT, two days a week, on a contract that is finishing soon.

The same workplace would like to offer me a full-time role. I am hesitant to accept it because I don’t think I will be able to manage very well. My DDs are 7 and 11, and the younger one is already not very happy in wraparound care.

We can manage on one income (just!), but no room for many extras. I already feel stressed, so can only imagine this will multiple tenfold with FT work.

help!!!

I couldn’t do it. I’ve moved from 3 short days to 4 and that feels enough. Two teen boys. No cleaner. Lots of sport to ing and fro ing. I would die of stress with any more work

Can you do 4 longer days, 1 day off and use the extra money to outsource cleaning/childminder and still have money left over
If you’re not able to/money isn’t enough to make your life easier and still have some left over then I wouldn’t.
Id rather be poorer and happy with my children content then have more money and be miserable if as a family you can live on one wage

Having to work full time would break me as well!! I have a 10, 8 and 6 year old for context. I don’t want them in wrap around care before and after school. My hours will be upped when they are a bit more “launched”, maybe teenage years. I know not everyone has this choice financially though. Just wanted to say don’t feel ashamed for feeling this way, I think it’s completely normal. In fact I think the newish trend of both parents working full time is a little dysfunctional from a human being perspective tbh. But unfortunately necessary from a economic perspective (or so we are led to believe)

I think your question is possibly wrong. Unless you have disabilities or health issues which you haven't mentioned in your posts so far, then it presumably isn't a question of whether or not you are able to work full time? It's simply a question of whether or not you want to work full time.

Don't do it. It doesn't matter what anyone else does, it's how you feel. It'll benefit your family more with you being there, than it will feeling constantly worried, exhausted and stressed. You can always increase your hours in the future, but it's not the right time now.

But the option she has right now is not to work and things will be tight for the family or work 4-5 days a week and they would be better off financially. So it's not a question of staying as she is or increasing the hours. Of course something with less hours might come up but in today's climate who knows when.

Get a cleaner
Get shopping delivered
Apply for and take 4 weeks' parental leave every year

Just a few ideas above to help you cope

So very true!

Mrs Bennett, I fear you are making many, many presumptions here! There are so many things that materially affect a woman’s ability to work full time , which cannot be directly attributed to ill health or disability.
Fear your post tends to make OP feel inadequate, quite baselessly.
Please rethink!

Consider a childminder instead of wrap around?

Be wary of 0.8 contracts - can end up being same work in shorter hours (my situation!)

How is your health otherwise OP? Obviously there might not be anything wrong, and you might make the changes you need, but its important to listen to your body, and you might feel a bit less knackered by making changes at work, but its 100% worth just having a bit of a review of your diet/water/exercise/sleep/screen time etc and seeing if there's maybe something else there that might not be the main cause, but could do with a boost. Easier said than done but its easy to point to one thing thats causing tiredness and if you feel a bit better going 'job done' when there might be other factors at play, looking after yourself is just as important as your children - you deserve care too.

So why not tell us what the other reasons are, then?

You have mentioned that you get exhausted, which suggests poor health, then fair enough, but you seem to be saying that it isn't that?

You've mentioned that one of your dc may be ND and doesn't like childcare because of the noise and number of kids, but there is nothing that you've said that suggests they wouldn't be able to cope with a different type of childcare. So it doesn't sound like it's that.

I'm not saying you should work full time at all. Just don't understand your framing it as "can't", when there doesn't appear to be any reason for that. If you don't want to work FT and your partner (if you have one) is happy with that, then that's a valid choice. But I think it probably is a choice, unless there is another massive drip feed that you haven't bothered to mention.

I waited until my youngest was in secondary school before I went full-time. More hours would have meant more childcare, wrap around and holiday clubs would have left us with no more money. They also would have been in school from 7:30am until 5:30pm 5 days/week which just wouldn’t have worked. I did feel stuck career wise but I’m picking that back up now.

I do between 30-35 hours a week and my husband does 55-60 and I absolutely could not do anymore than what I do without being totally burnt out. I really don’t know how people manage to do 40 hours a week.

A few people have asked about my health. I don’t have any specific conditions, but I am perimenopausal. I am on HRT, but still struggle with energy, mood etc.

Honestly if you can afford not to don't. Reducing my hours and going part time was the best thing I ever did

I feel inspired to defend OP here, Mrs Bennett.
I don't know how old you are, but when I had my children, working full time when there were three youngish children at home was virtually unheard of, and generally considered impossible.

There are many people today saying that two full time employed parents is too much for a healthy lifestyle and I mostly agree.
It's okay if you have a particular temperament and circumstances but many people have family who need great time/energy input.
Not everyone has help near at hand, can afford conveniences. Travel may be involved, perhaps a spouse works away a lot.
If you're both out at work full time, it seems to me that a little spanner in the works like a broken down washing machine or car can become quite difficult to deal with.
Perhaps it suits you to work full-time, Mrs B., or you choose not to. This does not explain your tone, which sounds to me quite accusatory (perhaps you didn't intend to come across as such).
For me, it doesn't need to be explained why somebody can't work full time, nor are they obliged to defend themselves about it.

Thank you ❤️

Agree with @SixtySomething , @MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack . Like the OP, I have said I can't work full time. Bully for you if you can, and can raise two or three kids, be nice to your spouse, run a marathon and keep in touch with your friends and family and can cook meals and keep house, work a full time high powered job, do yoga, gardening, walk the dog, and no doubt volunteer in the food bank as well. You crack on and good for you. However, if FOR WHATEVER REASON that is not in your energy make-up then it is what it is. I have in the last year or so realised I am probably ASC which is why I struggle so much with energy management but this only provides an explanation for people like you to back off when I say I can't: whether it's ASC, or anything else if I can't I can't. The OP is saying she is struggling with working full time and challenging her on WHY she can't work full time (as though she is deficient, or lazy or simply plain wrong) is out of line.

A quick read of @ Mrs Bennett’s posts reveals she has one adult daughter and she has admitted life’s easier with one child.
So I don’t quite understand the tone of her post.
People come to MN for support and help. Unfortunately, it comes as a shock to realise that many post on MN to show how much more rational/ successful etcetera they are.
Reading your posts last night Mrs B, I understand just how successful you are. Please spare a thought for ordinary mortals and try not to make us feel bad. 🙂

I totally get you op. Ours are only 7 and 3 but I ended up quitting completely after trying to go back full time when the youngest started nursery. I'm not saying it's not possible, I know many people do it, but it wasn't an enjoyable lifestyle for us and I'd personally rather have less money and more time at this point in our lives.

Maybe try to negotiate down to 0.8, get a cleaner and see if you can juggle between you and DH to make sure no extra wraparound is needed. If not, then I think you'd be entirely reasonable to decline if you don't need the extra money.

I do think though that if OP was in an equal relationship where her and the dad shared the responsiblities equally she would have the energy to put into her own career. You never hear of men/fathers who can't cope with working more than 2 days a week and being exhausted from that, and that's because they are not pulling their weight in other places. That's the issue I would fix, the equality within my relationship, before I started to shrink my own career even further.

Agree!
In fact the reason I am able to work full time despite disability that causes serious fatigue is because DH does basically all the housework and cooking etc. (He works full time too- our roles are very similar in pay and seniority)

Also I do think that it almost always makes sense to outsource housework etc rather than work part time in order to find the energy for housework. Even if using a cleaner meant i wasn't making any money for that day of work, by the time you factor in pension contributions and career progression it's normally worth it

I don't think a cleaner, shopping deliveries and equal housework would be enough to balance out a potentially ND 7yr old who struggles with after school and holiday clubs.

Mine never did after school club (but I was lucky enough to be allowed to make up the hours when the children were in bed)