To question my ability to work full time

[Boxoffluffyducks]

I currently work PT, two days a week, on a contract that is finishing soon.

The same workplace would like to offer me a full-time role. I am hesitant to accept it because I don’t think I will be able to manage very well. My DDs are 7 and 11, and the younger one is already not very happy in wraparound care.

We can manage on one income (just!), but no room for many extras. I already feel stressed, so can only imagine this will multiple tenfold with FT work.

help!!!

im about to start ft after time off and feel your fear 😬 my dc also 11 and 7

can you do compressed hours or other adjustment to make it work better. Do you wfh? Or hybrid? What is commute like? Is company flexible? My new role seems quite flex from outside so hoping I can patch together

do you have any other options for wrap around that DD would prefer?

Thanks. 🌸 I have some flexibility with working a few hours from home, but there is a face-to-face service element to the job that means I need to be at work for most of the hours.

i get home exhausted and am only coping atm because i have other days of the week to take things at a slower pace.

OP, you'll get loads of people coming in here to say they work 100 hour weeks and it's easy and their kids are 'thriving in wraparound' etc etc etc, but only you can say what is right for you and your kids. I'd talk to your DH and your kids and make the decision either way with them. What randoms on the internet think you should be doing or shouldn't be doing is largely irrelevant because they don't have your job, your temperament, your family or your particular financial set up.

Is there an overlap between the 2 jobs skills wise? If so why can't you continue PT and then offer someone else the other 3 days. Or if you know anyone who you could recommend?
Obviously a compliment that they want to keep you on but tricky to go from 2 to 5 days.
Could give it a try......then either request to change hours or hunt for something else more suitable and leave.....

I think based on this, I wouldn't go full time in this role. Perhaps try applying for other jobs that offer more wfh or flexible hours.

Is there another reason for the exhaustion ie is your health ok? Thyroid etc hrt?

You can always give it a go and think about whether you can find something else that suits you better and is 3/4 days (would current work consider this, have you negotiated?)

and is there anything you can set up now to make life easier - meal planning and other routines?

I wouldn’t in your place. I work in a senior role in the city and I worked part time when my DC were in primary. Can you do school hours?

I haven’t really worked ft since dd was born and I’m lucky that I don’t have to as I earn enough. My dd also hated wraparound care and holiday clubs (I know some kids love these) so it would’ve been detrimental to send her.

I think you're right - I work 4-6 hours per day (in theory - am also on-call and often thinking about my job even when I'm not techincally working) and I couldn't do a 'proper' full time role and survive - I just don't have enough hours in the day.

I think it's good that you acknowledge that now, rather than struggle and burn out - I do think the suggestions above about a job share would be worth exploring if they are open to it.

I wouldn’t go full time based on this if you don’t need to.

But I would maybe see a Dr because I think the level of exhaustion is more than normal.

I don’t mean see a dr with a view to you then being able to work full time btw. I mean to get you away from a point of barely feeling like you’re coping as is.

In what way wouldn’t you cope ?

I mean if you can afford to work pt without benefits as a family and you don’t want to work ft then great.

Can you knock them down to 0.8? It really makes a difference.

Is there any room for negotiating them down from full time? Have you asked directly? I have never been able to work full time for long periods, and have been extremely lucky that employers have valued me and been able to flex round my ability to work. I can do 0.6 sustainably, 0.8 at a push.

@Boxoffluffyducks decades ago now, I went back to work part-time when my youngest was settled in reception. Ot was hard, part-time meant being all things to everyone and feeling sub-contracting domestic grunt work was not justified.

I found going back full-time much easier, initially all the extra salary went on childcare (I had an au-pair but appreciate that's more difficult nowadays with Brexit, but cpuld you find someone to do 3.30 to 6 in your own home - cooking tea, sorting play-dates, etc?).

Working fulltime meant no hesitation is having a cleaner/ironer, shopping delivered, a bit of help with the garden, etc, and lunchtimes were a genuine break where I could do admin, shop for birthday gifts, etc, or read in the park.

Huge benefits down the road in the context of financial independence, pension and promotions.

Also, the dc always saw a work ethic and quickly learnt that if they forgot their instrument/PE kit/homework, etc, there would be a consequence because I wasn't available to take it in. They stopped forgetting.

How long has the seven year old been in wraparound? It may just be taking time to settle into the change.

What is your partner doing? How much of the general load/child chasing/household stuff are they doing? If you are both to work full time then they will need to pull their full weight or you will end up doing the double shift.

I actually found it harder to work FT once DC were in junior/early secindary school than when they wwre small. As they got older, they need you when the need you, not when you get home, and there seems to be a lot mpre.running around.

Obviously many people do manage it and manage it well, but if you're alread finding things hard, and don't need to, I don't know why you would.

Is there some scope for a middle ground ? They might agree to 4 days a week and you take the Wednesday off?

I've always worked full time despite a disability that gives me severe fatigue but I that's largely because I love my job and would prefer to do that and outsource the cleaning /DH does the cooking.and shopping and garden. I was lucky to be able to work flexibly though so didn't have to use after school clubs as I did the extra work once the kids were in bed. I don't think I would want mine in wraparound 5 days a week unless I really needed the money.

It sounds like you are imagining taking on the same amount you do now at home even if you worked full-time. You would have to split everything 50-50 with your partner in that case of course so that you wouldn't do everything you do now + additional days working if that's what scares you. Like a PP has also said, I also found working FT easier than PT because the balance at home was better. I didn't feel like the default parent, cook, cleaner, gardener etc. anymore and it definitely made the kids more independent and responsible as they had to sort more of their own things out and plan better.

I would try it if I were you. Finding a job is hard in this climate and living without much money is tough too when you are responsible for children.

If you worked more hours, even if not full-time, could you use the extra income to outsource some of the things you are currently finding difficult? Get a cleaner, use a laundry or ironing service, use a childminder for afterschool childcare, pay a babysitter to take your DC to an activity they would enjoy, your DH reduce their working hours? A health check sounds like a good idea too. Are you concerned that turning down this full-time offer means you will be out of work completely?

As you work more hours, your fitness will improve and you will find it gets easier.

What aspect of wrap around care is your 7yo not happy with?

Thanks for all the supportive replies. There may be a bit of wiggle room to go 0.8 or 0.9, but definitely no less than that. And it would be the same job, but just less hours to do it.

I am going to look into getting a cleaner etc. I wouldn’t need wraparound care every day, because DP works from home 2-3 days per week. But would be increasing to one more day of wraparound care.

I suspect DD7 is ND, so finds the noise and number of kids overwhelming.

If you can do 0.8 then you could have one day off, that combined with the 2-3 days your DH can pick up would mean that she'd only go to ASC 1 or 2 days a week.

Sure, you’ll need to outsource cleaning, ironing, housekeeping, gardening the lot…..

alternatively you( and partner) do all that and work full time and take kids to all their clubs etc 🙄

I mean, you would cope, lots of people do, but it's perfectly reasonable to choose to work less hours.

For me, it would depend on how much pressure that choice puts on your family. If you can comfortably work pt then I don't see why you'd accept the inconvenience of ft work. If you're scraping by and worrying about bills then it's probably worth doing it.