To think missing them isnt always a bad thing?

[HateItOrLoveItMarmite]

AIBU to feel really annoyed by this? And wonder if people say this to single dads or just mums that are expected to feel this way and want to be with their kids 24/7? So it really annoys me when as a single mum you’re completely overwhelmed, struggling, and just need to vent about how hard parenting alone is and needing a break and people come back with things like “they’re only young for a short time”, “you’ll miss it when they grow up”, or “if your ex had them and you didn’t see them every day you’d miss them”?
Yes, I would miss them. But since when is that a bad thing? I don’t understand why people say it like it should make you feel guilty. It’s completely normal to miss people, and actually quite healthy, you get a break, you recharge, and then you appreciate the time you do have together more.
I genuinely think I’d be a thousand times happier if I had regular breaks. Yes, I’d miss them, but I don’t see that as negative at all.
Right now I’m parenting on my own 24/7 with no break, and I’m exhausted, stressed, and honestly frazzled and grumpy most of the time this isnt going to change. My son said to me the other day, “Mum, you’re always tired,” which really hit me.
I can’t help feeling like if I got regular time to myself like weekends to myself my kids would actually be happier if I wasn’t constantly running on empty. They’d have a mum with more energy, more patience, and who can be more present with them rather than someone who’s just trying to get through the day.
Am I being unreasonable to say missing them wouldnt be a bad thing and could actually be a good thing?

YANBU at all. You deserve regular, consistent breaks. It’s completely healthy to have a bit of distance - humans need space to properly rest and recoup. I think some parents romanticise the time they had with their kids before the routine of school starts and that feeds into the whole “they’re only this little once” bollocks. Routine is good though - and the school hours will be a blessing for you.

I also think it’s really contrived when people bang on about how much you ought to miss your kids, it feels like they’re saying it because it’s what they think should be said, not that they necessarily think it. Like when you’ve had one baby and everyone asks “ooh when will number two be on the way?” It’s disingenuous filler that everyone just mindlessly says because they’re just parroting things they’ve heard others say. And heaven forbid a woman think there’s more to life than motherhood! 🙄

I was struggling when my 3dc were little and admitted it to a friend but then realised she was a single mum and my comment was insensitive, except she pointed out she had her dc 50/50 so got a break whereas I was with them all the time and dh was working long hours/commute.

I think parenting young dc is hard. Parenting them when you’re on your own is a head fuck on a different level. Ignore the comments and do your best while also finding quick wins and give permission for the odd lazy day.

They go to school apart from one but thank you school is not a break in fact I find it even more stressful at times.

Im mainly referring to have every other weekend to yourself etc so proper time to have a rest, school isnt a rest here unfortunately.

I made dh take time off work to come with me when dd2&3 started school as they’re twins and I couldn’t be with both of them walking them into their classrooms. Dh was stunned at the performances on the play ground from mums crying because their babies were going into reception… for a 2 hour session wtf?! We went to a coffee shop and it was lovely but v apparently some mums really missed their dc. I decided I’m clearly a totally heartless bitch as I skipped joyfully away for that 2 hours (and dtds loved it). People are odd. I do have a great relationship with my now older teens so I can’t have been that heartless.

Do you work? Is their dad not in the picture? This sounds terribly difficult, I do feel for you and people do make comments without understanding how life really is, as you’ve described.

I agree. When my kids were young I was pretty jealous of my divorced friends 🤣 because they got BREAKS.

Now I’m divorced too and actually, it’s fine. I think about them and worry about them, but I don’t necessarily miss them. I message or call every day. But miss them? No. I’m living my life and they’re living theirs.

I actually feel a bit guilty that I don’t miss them, but I try to fend that off as I absolutely hate the concept of ‘mum guilt’. That can get fucked.

Disclaimer: they are teens so it’s maybe slightly emotionally easier? Not sure.

Mine are older they are teens and (almost) preteens, im certain the ones that say it have little ones and maybe thats why they can’t bare to be away from them!