AIBU to withdraw year 7 DD and focus on core subjects?

[Imamumgetmeoutofhere2]

DD is year 7, she has complex health needs which have required a lot of time of over the years. Primary school was pretty much part time school part time home schooling. In school attendance probably equated to about 20 percent over 5 years ! We always tried to do catch her up when we could and she is a bright girl - she wants to do well.
she is also autistic and has CP.
the issue is now she is in secondary school, we started with wanting her to go to one of the La maintained Sen schools that was perfect for particular health / disabilities but they just really would not agree they could meet needs. They allowed her to do a session at the school after their initial no to see if it would change their mind but it made them even more adamant that she did not fit the cohort there as she was too academically able.
for reference she got in her sats
107 for reading comp. 99 for spag 98 for maths ( with attendance of 20 percent )
she has ended up in a independent school which is somewhat what specialist but not for her disabilities but offers a mainstream education in a smaller setting but we are not coping and drowning.
she had a really rough start with her health ( which declined to worse it had been in many years ) she missed a lot so far of year 7 but the home schooling doesn’t work as efficiently.
the teachers don’t really take her home work in to consideration. They get offended if I need information and theee is so many more teachers than primary. We focus on English , bio, chem, physics and maths and don’t do any home learning in geography, history , art , Spanish , RS , citizenship.
with catch up work, exams every 6 weeks and then homework home life has become so hard but then if we step back and don’t do the work she would never fit back in to classes. I think she is capable of doing GCSE’s and I reallt didn’t want her illness to effect her entire future but honestly it feels like we are losing a endless battle. She compares her self to the other girls in her class and hates feeling like she is behind but then equally gets frustrated at the work at home. If we stopped the work at home she would never ever catch up with the work in class because in school she has to attend every lesson there is no time despite we know she will never pass geography, history etc
would I be awful if I just pulled her out of school now ?
stick to the core subjects and try to finance it.
from what I can tell this year with overall attendance at 35 percent she is achieving
securing in maths and English. Scored 77 percent and 81 percent on recent chem and physics tests ( not sure what that lands at grade wise as they graded her N/ A. Not doing well in biology.
the rest of subjects she is “ enganging “
AIBU to just pull her out now and focus on the core subjects in her own time ?

The current situation sounds very hard for your DD. I’ve home edded my DC and it sounds like the flexibility would work well for you. But you’ll need to find some local groups for social time etc. Are you in touch/aware of local home Ed groups? And what about your work?

good luck!

I have honestly never been as stressed as I have in the last 9 months since she started secondary school. Feels like we are forever chasing our tails.
the negative side is for the first time in her life she has made friends 😭 my heart just does not know what to do !

in your specific situation I would also see if the lea would fund distance learning/ online school or an education otherwise package instead of current arrangements. The flexibility would probably be better but then try and find a local home Ed group for social reasons

What are your daughter’s feelings about HE? Does the CP impact her mobility or speech? I’m just wondering if a state school might be more accommodating than her independent school? But if she has moderate difficulties with mobility (ie generally doesn’t need a wheelchair, but has significant spasticity in her leg(s) or foot (feet) I can see why there is a bigger risk to her being jostled in the corridors etc. is she at a selective Indy school, could you look at something like a Steiner or Montessori school? (Obviously this will depend on where you live). They tend to have a more flexible approach to learning. I’m just thinking if she enjoys the social aspect of school she might miss out, having said that we have a number of home ed groups in our area for secondary age kids.
In terms of home ed, some LEAs have excellent advice and can make suggestions on home ed groups in your area and advice on the curriculum, some LEAs not so much.
In my experience of Home Ed, it can really, really test the relationship you have with your child, as it’s very intense. If you generally get on well together, if your daughter is motivated/ good at self directed learning / will learn from a tutor (depending on your finances) and really wants to learn / has a career in mind, then it makes it much easier, than trying to teach less than enthusiastic offspring.

Could you ask if she can drop some subjects at school to give her less to catch up and more time in school to spend catching uo the subjects that you are focusing on?
Does she like school? What bits does she enjoy? What are her longer term aims? Uni? What sort of job would she like? Will she manage full time work?

Rather than EHE, have you considered pursuing EOTAS/EOTIS?

If you EHE, can you afford to fund all the support e.g. therapies DD needs?

You may have to appeal, but a good EOTAS/EOTIS package can fund far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund themselves. Not just academics and therapies but all the wider provision too. It would be bespoke to DD’s needs. You would need evidence, but because of DD’s health, it could be across the whole year rather than just academic year.

Does she have an EHCP? Could something like this work?

www.minervavirtual.com/mva-for/send-neurodiverse-learners

In principle it sounds sensible to withdraw so i support you innpronciple.

some things id want to think about are why you are focusing on those core subjects and what your goal is for her future.

She may enjoy humanities more so perhaps include her in those decisions because withdrawing and focusing on less subjects is a deliberate choice to narrow the breadth of her learning so that she can achieve depth (which in itself might be best) but just think about the step after that in the sense that if she achieves her best in the chosen subjects, what's the plan then?

Does your child have a section 19? These are for young people not accessing school for medical reasons. This would allow her to be eligible for hospital school ( many of which also do tutoring and outreach.

Sorry to answer some of your questions.
she has an ehcp and her current school is funded.
she can walk but has significant movement issues if that makes sense. Very limited capability in writing / fine motor skills mainly due to her right arm.
she likes the school but what I find is that unlike primary school when she neither hated or loved it. When she has a good day at this school she absolutely loves it but when having a bad day it’s an absolute disaster on arrival home. She loves her friends despite some issues with a few peers she has made some really good friends. She does However stop her self accessing things she needs like breaks / special seating as she refuses to stand out now in secondary school,which I think is leading to more crisis points on arrival home.
the OT is fab there and been really helpful but I find it hard work with some of the teachers and managing what we are meant to be doing.
she has no interests in humanities which is why when choosing what we focus on is not what we choose.
she likes science and really wants to do well in science. English and maths seems important for her do if moving on to college and seen as she is doing well in those subjects it wouldn’t be the 2 I would choose to drop. She likes performing arts but that’s a bit tricky to keep up with their work at home as it’s usually group work.
art and 3d technology she doesn’t dislike but it’s not accessible for her and she will struggle with the skills needed.