AIBU to think evening-only invites for close family are odd?

[Autumnbreeze84]

AIBU to think that my partners family and their wedding situation is… a bit weird?

Just as the title says really - not sure if this is how “bigger” families operate as I come from a very small immediate family circle so wanted to get thoughts!

My partners cousin (his mums, sisters’ son) is getting married in August in a typical “holiday” destination in the UK. They sent out invitations with a link to RSVP, only to find out that the invites for all of my partners family are for the evening party only??

I just want to stress that this destination is around a 5 hour drive from us as the closest family members to the destination, with many of the family living even further away (some 8+ hours….)

Extra info - partners mum is one of 4 siblings, all of whom have partners / husbands. There are two cousins, my partner and another cousin who has a partner too. Looking at numbers of the what I would call “immediate family” this would be 12 including partners AND kids!

The message in the family group chat to follow the invite was, we have limited space at the reception so only close friends and family are invited. I’m not sure that I completely follow this logic, would his aunties and cousins not be considered close family? Another odd message was then from the grooms MUM asking what time the evening party started?

AIBU to this this is really, really odd to be given no actual explanation to his immediate family as to why they haven’t been invited to the ceremony? It’s at a venue that I can see online hosts up to 200 people, with space for 50 at a wedding ceremony…

A small break-off group has now formed from the family chat discussing how they can’t / won’t be attending just for the party given the distance and costs involved, but they would have really loved to have gone to the actual ceremony!!

We didn’t invite DH cousins to the day do (to be fair he has about 20 maybe more) most had partners and some kids. To invite them all would have been over 40 extra guests. The aunts and uncles were numerous but we did invite to the day (his dad was one of eight and his mum one of four). He didn’t see them regularly and sadly it was a financial decision.

I wouldn’t say cousin is particularly close unless they hang out a lot. My cousins weren’t even invited to my wedding. We don’t live near each other and only really see each other at funerals.

My husband's cousin invited us to their wedding celebration this summer. It's in a Mediterranean country and it's from 6pm. Needless to say we won't be going.

Definitely wouldn’t expect to be invited to a limited numbers ceremony as cousins unless close.

Evening invites are for local people. Expecting people to travel a whole day and you don’t even feed them is taking the piss. DH worked for a big company and we went to loads when we were younger, was a night out.

my ex friend only invited us to her evening do (her choice) but invited our other friends who travelled 5 hours to be there - she never even came to say hello to them and they never saw the groom as he was hiding in a different room. What a waste of other peoples time.

Where is the ceremony? If it’s in a church you may be able to go anyway. How about you all book a family meal at a pub and then go to the evening do?

Couains are not naturally close family.

Space for 50 at wedding ceremony is not a lot if they have close family and friends there. Their wedding, their choice. But I suppose they must know people won't attend just for that.

I'd consider close family to be children, parents and siblings. And probably grandparents.

Cousins, aunts and uncles I would consider to be extended family. And in wedding terms, including these categories of relative can make your numbers spiral.

It sounds like they want to have a small wedding and a larger evening celebration. And are not that fussed about the extended family and it's more of a "duty" invite.

Immediate family is parents, siblings and children, and then spouses. Cousins are not immediate family. If they aren't close and it's a small wedding I think it's fine, not sure if id travel that far for someone in not close to.

Just don’t go, it’s their wedding, their choice. My cousin invited me to evening only in Wales, I live south coast. I declined, they were fine, no drama.

Crikey. They've just gone rogue for the guest list haven't they? Risky. I would expect that a second wave of invitations will be issued to make up numbers.

Yes instead of ‘close’, I think perhaps ‘immediate family’ is a better way to think of it, which would be parents, siblings, grandparents. And then maybe a few close friends. We only had immediate family plus a couple of friends, no cousins or aunts or anything. We didn’t have an evening do but I don’t find them as offensive as many on here. If it’s impractical it’s fine not to go, but I wouldn’t lose sleep or be offended over it.

I have my cousins on fb and exchanged an email with one of them about 15 years ago. I'm early forties and last saw one of them when I was ten, another even younger!

Close is who you feel close to not close as in family relations IMO. I'd not invite my cousins if I got married. They don't know me

I’d say close family is parents, children, siblings, nieces/ nephews, grandparents.
Aunts, uncles cousins are extended family. Fine to invite them but also reasonable to not.

My dd is getting married soon they are planning they are planning 20 people each. Dd has 7 close friends who she will invite so aunts/ uncles/ cousins will not make the cut. Her wedding, her choice.