To have lost trust in nursery over this?

[overthewire]

DD is 3 in June and has three days home with me in the week. She doesn’t go down for a nap at all; occasionally she might nod off on a longish car journey but apart from that she hasn’t slept in the day for a long time. However she would sleep at nursery and I went along with this even though it caused a certain amount of disruption at bedtime but a couple of months ago I asked if the nap could stop. However … it just hasn’t. Despite my asking they just keep putting her down for a nap. It’s frustrating because nap time is 12-2; she won’t sleep at 12 and often eventually nods off close to 2 which means she won’t wake at 2.

Honestly it’s really making me lose trust in them. This is a perfectly normal age to stop napping. I don’t think I’m overreacting but this and other things have made me more or less decide to withdraw her.

At my dd’s nursery there was a baby room and a toddler room where the napped and a pre-school where they largely didn’t nap. Maybe she needs to move up to the next room?

Have you requested a meeting with the nursery manager to discuss the issue? That should be your next step. It’s not unusual for a 3yr old to still take a daily nap, even moreso at nursery which is very tiring for them. If she is very tired then they will let her sleep for her own wellbeing rather than force her awake. Discuss properly with nursery manager rather than going to phrases like ‘loss of trust’.

She probably does need to go up a room but when I’ve raised that I get a load of waffle about ‘the next cohort.’ I’ve spoken to the manager about it on one occasion where she was asleep until half past three in the afternoon and consequently couldn’t get her to go to sleep until gone ten o clock at night (I was losing my mind by that point!) and since then it hasn’t been that bad but typically she’ll ’fall asleep’ at around half past one and then won’t wake at 2. So it’s still half two when she does which is honestly quite late especially given she doesn’t need an afternoon nap at all.

If she is struggling to stay awake it's fair they let her nap but can't you ask they wake her after 30 mins and/or by 2pm? Mine is 18 months and we've asked they wake her by 2pm, even if less than an hour sleep as mine is very low sleep needs.

The thing is that by the time she’s fallen asleep it’s close to 2 so then she won’t wake up. I think they just spend ages getting her to sleep as honestly she never sleeps at home, ever.

It's probably because all the other kids do sleep and there is likely 1 member of staff in the room doing paperwork while others are on lunch break.
You are right though. With a child of that age it's perfectly normal for them not to sleep. I bet she has to lie on the mat with all the others and be quiet then falls asleep eventually through boredom.
I would move her to a setting where she is engaged and playing and in a pre school room.

Childminder here...
If a child is very tired and needs a nap, then Ofsted say we must ket them sleep.
However......if your child is being put down for a sleep at 12 and isn't falling asleep until nearly 2 then does that mean they're just laying there awake for nearly 2 hours? If so, then I wouldn't be happy about that.....

I would definitely be complaining about this. My son dropped his nap at 2y7m and if nursery had continued putting him down I would have been fuming. I had said to them if he's super tired or asking for a snooze he can have a lie down, but they don't need to be suggesting it or enforcing it. They must have other children who are not napping, she should be put with them while the rest of her room has a nap.

They should be collaborative with you on this. I just had to ask the baby room to cap my other son's nap to wake by 1.30, or max 45mins if he goes down after 1, because bedtime was becoming a nightmare for us. They happily do this, even though he would definitely sleep longer if left to it.

Are they putting her down for a nap or is she falling asleep herself?

If she's falling asleep it's tricky to stop her without making her uncomfortable, which obviously no one wants to do (though I do sympathise with the knock on effect this has at bedtime).

One of mine went through a stage of falling asleep in the late afternoon. Unfortunately he always woke at the same time in the morning regardless of when he went to bed, so this meant he was pretty miserable the next day. Luckily our nursery always ring us about naps that are out of the routine we've given them and like to work with parents where possible. At first I said let him sleep but when it became an issue, they started timing a more active game for when he usually got sleepy. They also tried getting him to nap earlier in the day, but he wouldn't. Could you suggest they try similar methods of preventing the naps without distressing her?

If they are actively trying to put her down for a nap that's unacceptable.

Home and nursery are two completely different environments so even if they don't nap at home they may well nap at nursery because it is full on and some of them fall asleep in the first term of reception.

On that basis she may need the nap. I would be asking specifically if she is falling asleep if she isn't put down for a nap or if they are putting her down and expecting her to sleep.

Once they clarify that then you can ask how many children do not get put down for a nap. This may well be their way of getting a break if all the children are down for a nap.

I’d be outraged at this. It’s easier for nursery staff to have them nap. But it means nights at home can be a nightmare for poor working parents.
my first two children stopped naps at age 2y at home and in nursery. Nursery supported this and had lots of other children not napping in the toddler room.

What is the set up? They are putting her down for a nap and just continually putting her back down/saying she needs to lie down for ~90 mins before she goes to sleep? Or the room is quiet, all the other children are in the next room sleeping, and she naturally winds down and ends up tired and falling asleep?