Why is EBSA more common nowadays?

[HotLikePapaJohns]

Why is EBSA more common nowadays?

I have read on other threads that it's always been an issue but I don't remember it as a child. Yes, there was some truancy in secondary but not in primary.

Is it that kids are more able to express their feelings? Or that school has become harder? What can be done about it?

And to add, I tried everything to get her into school. I spent hours coaxing, telling, encouraging, disciplining (now to my shame). I lost it sometimes (I’m a single parent also trying to work full time).

As to PP who mentioned hitting with a slipper. You could have beaten my daughter and she wouldn’t have gone in. She used to cry because she wanted to go and couldn’t. If you haven’t experienced it, it’s easy to judge. I used to be a teacher and I know I raised my eyebrows at “school refuser” and thought surely you just tell them to go to school. It’s isn’t that simple.

Every time there's a thread like this, i enter it wanting to make a sensible contribution using our own experience, but quickly realise that many just want to pile on and call me and parents like me shit parents. This is particularly crushing because what starts as ebsa can often end up impacting every aspect of that child/ their family's life. During dd's most recent shutdown, she didn't leave the house at all for several weeks. Do people think that's a life that we're choosing to live?!

I've been a heavy critic of a failing SEN system, but thank goodness that camhs and local authorities recognise ebsa for what it is. The overwhelming majority of those not attending school (around 90%) are autistic.

If people want to genuinely understand the reasons behind this, I suggest they read the Michael Gove thread.

Its always been a thing. It was just dealt with differently, with the approach being to force children. An early 'feel the fear and do it anyway', accidental aversion therapy/flooding I suppose.
What would be interesting is a study on adults who were treated this way as children so we can properly understand the long term impact.

Im sure there are genuine cases. But I don’t believe that some of the rise cannot be down to permissive parenting. There is a kid in my youngest’s class who says he doesn’t want to go to school, so he doesn’t. This is from his mum. Middle class, well educated area.

My personal observation is that children are given far more opportunity to call the shots. When I was a kid (70’s) you did what your parents told you and whilst some teachers were kind you were a bit scared of some of them, school was really ordered and you did what you were told. Absenteeism wasn’t an issue, parents couldn’t afford fancy holidays anyway, by the time my dc were in school (2000’s) parenting was getting laxer, it was obvious for all to see, and parents definitely didn’t back up the teacher as much but school refusal wasn’t a huge issue through primary school, by secondary there was as truancy but more that they couldn’t be bothered to attend and parents wanted them at home to help with other children. Today I see children completely calling the shots, parents don’t say no, children aren’t given the firm boundaries from tiny and for some this means they stop going to school, once the mindset changes it’s hard to revert. We haven’t changed biologically in 50 years therefore there’s something in the upbringing of very small children that’s changed!

A significant proportion of my friends get all worked up about their kids trying anything new and pass their anxiety onto them. I don’t recall as much of this when I was a child. Therefore the kid starts to think these things are a problem, rather than a challenge. It might be easier in the short term to pander to them, but surely they can see long term it’s making it difficult for themselves and their kids?

Here is Chris Coghlan MP talking in parliament about the SEND crisis. It sounds very familiar to me

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1Ad8DaZg3N/?mibextid=wwXIfr

There wasn’t a choice back then.
I really disliked primary and junior school, but my parents sent me. They also worked 9-5 jobs so could not have home educated me either.
Rightly or wrongly people are more of the opinion that rules don’t apply to them. This happens in all walks of life. Only the other day I had to tell a customer to stop their telephone conversation if they wanted their appointment with me to continue.
By all means make random phone calls but don’t expect me to have to sit and wait for you and make my other appointments run late.
Now the world is all about individuals. That is what young people see day in day out. The likes of Trump, Putin, Netanyahu, Andrew Tate etc etc did not get where they are by caring about those around them or adhering to rules.

I don’t think it’s as black & white as that, but I do think it’s definitely a contributory factor.

I completely disagree with this blame narrative. Parenting is superior now. Families are objectively more affluent and secure, employment is higher quality and physical violence against children is less socially acceptable. Children are physically safer and parents really care about their thoughts, feelings and emotions. Yes we are “softer”- we are a privileged society which for 3 generations has been free of war or natural disaster and that has impacts. But I disagree that parents are worse at parenting

Yes, there was a choice - it just often looked like truancy and the risks that followed.

My ds is struggling with school. He's been unable to attend over a handful of days as he moved from primary, where he was fine, to secondary, where he is overwhelmed.

We are getting there. He has two older brothers who never had a day off. He's not allowed to game and watch tv because I think that makes for a poor precedent.

It's certainly not lack of effort. I've been able to frogmarch him through the whole morning only for him to refuse to leave the car at school. There's always the option of dragging him through the door, but that's generally frowned upon.

It does seem to, touch wood, be getting easier. But, fuck me, it has been a nightmare. For every day he hasn't actually gone to school, there's been about ten where he almost didn't get to school and all the stress, battling and comforting that entails.

I can't tell you why swathes of kids are in this position. And I don't feel inclined to apologise for him or to defend my parenting. But I can tell you that if this was thirty years ago, this would have all happened under the radar. He could have taken those days off, without the grave letters about attendance or the kind of oversight that starts from the premise that I must be doing something wrong.

The trouble is that as a society we talk about 'school' as if it's a fixed entity. The reality is that the 'school' we experienced as adults isn't the same as it is now.

I went to the same school as my DDs. We were lectured about makeup, but I don't remember much pressure at all about my GCSEs. I just did them. DDs got huge pressure from year 9, with teachers saying that unless they did x, y, z they would fail. The rules are crazy. Low level disruption? name on the board. Ask why your name is on the board? Red card and one full day in the hub, copying text from a random textbook. Now imagine your anxious, inattentive child who really doesn't know why their name was on a board.

Toilets locked in class time. 30 minutes lunch break for 1300 pupils to get through the lunch queue and use the toilet. DDs school HT even wrote an email to parents saying 'We've looked at the school day and they should have 4 minutes to use the toilet which is plenty....'

The soul of teaching has been lost and targets have become the purpose. Individual teachers can't do anything to change the system.

I’m not an anxious person at all. I’m fact I’m known amongst friends as someone who doesn’t worry about stuff, even with my dc.

And I’ve sent them to school with colds, and once a big and my dd was sick at school as I thought he was fine. I don’t worry about illness, take them to A&E alll the time. I don’t win a thermometer.

Another factor is waiting times for services. Where I live there is a 10 year wait for autism assessment So many children are struggling while they wait.

I can tell as a teacher that qualified 20 years ago that the education system has become more and more SEND unfriendly in that time.

Anyway I probably will leave this thread now or soon as I won’t be able to contain my rage at the “lazy parent”, “just tell them to go” brigade.

My dd didn’t “dislike” school. My ds dislikes school, but he goes, hardly any absence.

She was unable. She was crying at her own inability to go in. It’s not about disliking.

Totally agree. There was a parent moaning on the local FB page about how the school was insisting her child wore proper school uniform. Her child was self conscious about some scarring following surgery and refused to wear a skirt. Despite the school offering various options the child wasn’t happy. The upshot was the parent saying ”She’s 13. You can’t force her to do something she doesn’t want to do”. The amount of parents agreeing was unbelievable. That’s what you’re up against. Call me old fashioned, but it seems some parents don’t want to parent and will take the easy option and schools and society are getting the brunt.

You can “stand by it” all you like. You are provably wrong and simply making a judgement. Opinions are not facts.

It's this.
If school is bleak, there's now a 24/7 online fantasy world to escape to in every bedroom.

The school my family member works in has classes half that size, no strict uniform policy, low sensory environment, no frequent testing etc yet there is still a big issue of very low or non-attendance. Which shows it’s not just about making the adaptations to the environment. My hunch as I said upthread is that it’s more demand avoidant than ‘just’ Autism or other needs. If a child has a massive ‘need’ to control their environment, the people around them etc then no matter what adaptations are made, they will push Back and try to avoid.

im not saying there are simple answers and the whole picture is complex. As others have said, factors like in the past, if you didn’t go into school, you would not get any interaction (no mobiles, gaming etc) and there wasn’t even anything on telly during school hours! There are a lot more factors which make it more entertaining now if a child isn’t in school during the day.

But ultimately when PDA is involved it’s very difficult. Life for all of us involves hundreds of things we cannot control and learning the resilience to accept that is essential to emotional wellbeing.

Mainstream high school that was originally selected for my dd (despite the Senco from that school stating in writing for EHCP that they couldn’t meet needs) refuses to make adjustments to uniform for sensory issues. At the time my daughter only wore black joggers. They refused to allow that, and my daughter didn’t want to stand out.

If we relaxed uniforms a bit then more autistic children could attend because they wear comfortable clothes and not stand out.

Same school a friends child who uses a laptop for lessons got called a “sp**tic by other pupils. That’s why teenagers want to fit in. You can punish it, but it doesn’t go away nor the feeelings associated with being made to

And what clothes you wear makes fuck all difference to learning. My dd school now has no uniform. Guess what- no issues

And you know the full story there?

Well, I feel your pain
I was ill a lot as a child
I mostly read books though because the TV was terrible, I mean it really wasn't worth watching

that's a really good point you made about data. That genuinely hadn't occurred to me, not that this is a topic I think of much but it has obviously caught my attention a tiny bit, being on this website

If it wasn't for MN, I probably wouldn't know what it was.

Without the data obsession, and without all the teams linked up to sorting school admin, I wonder how noticeable it would be to outsiders

There probably were a couple of kids in each year who weren't at school much? I don't think anything was done beyond a discreet welfare check. Certainly as teenagers, I can tell you the teachers would've said it doesn't really affect their ability to get a job, so does it matter? That's for kids who were not around maybe once a week though. I don't know what the figures are like now.

I remember actually discussing it with teachers. That discussion certainly wouldn't be allowed now.

Are they children who have been out of school? My dd school does have some high absence rates. Some children only do a few hours a week. Because those children struggle, the recognise that. And many have been traumatised by their experience in mainstream and it takes a long time to recover.

My dd does 4 days as she has a rest day. She can’t do 5 days in a row of interaction. Her school understand that over data

I started school in 1960. There was no set homework in either of my primary schools, but you could take reading books home if you wanted.

I thought it was well known that there are less SEN schools now due to some of them closing and the push for inclusivity that we've had in the education system for a while now?

My son doesn't have EBSA but he has missed a lot of school due to medical reasons and he hates it. I wish he enjoyed school.

I'd long left school by the time daytime tv started. Apart from the lunchtime news and "Watch with Mother", which was about 15 minutes long, there was nothing to watch if you were off school.

I had a phase of getting repeated tonsillitis and the boredom was worse than the feeling ill after the first day or so, especially if I'd read all my library books.