AIBU to want to go private

[YourRubyShaker]

My son has been having problems with his foreskin since November. He is 9. He been able to retract the foreskin for a few years and I’ve taught he that he needs to clean it in the bath gently. This November he got an infection. Went to the gp, he gave us some cream. Then the skin would no longer retract. We were given a steroid cream to help loosen the skin. It worked for a while, but he got another infection. His foreskin has become very tight over the last few months until we are now at the point it won’t retract at all. And if he does gently try, the skin with split slightly. He’s also had repeated infections and is starting to spray with deviated urine stream. Son isn’t in pain, but is getting frustrated with the constant infections now.

Son’s dad (we are not together) has been putting a lot of pressure on me to get this sorted. GP sent off referral to the urologist in January. I spoke to the hospital and they thought we would be waiting for another 4/5 months, but we have now had an appointment come through for end of May.

in the meantime, I’ve spoken to a private consultant. He has recommended circumcision, and he can do this 2 days after our appointment at NHS in May. For a fee of course! Around £4500. Son’s dad initially said he’d go halves with me. But he’s just called me now telling me how nhs just want to get people out the door and will fob them off and it’s them to blame that our son is in this situation now because of the steroid creams and the long wait, so we should go to this nhs appointment and make sure he has the procedure done within 3 weeks. He has also said he is concerned our son will have a micropenis if we don’t circumcise him. (He doesn’t have a micropenis) He wants to come to the appointment with the nhs with us, but I think he will be verbally aggressive. I’m now filled with anxiety over it all. I really wish I could just pay for him to have it done privately (it would be a huge stretch, financially) and get my son sorted and his dad off my back. I’ve told him repeatedly that right foreskin doesn’t stunt the growth. I even asked the GP and he said definitely not. But son’s dad isn’t accepting it at all.

So AIBU to just go ahead and have the procedure done privately so I can put all this behind me and get rid of this anxiety?

Until the next time he finds something to control you with?
Don't get into debt for this
Start working on boundaries with the ex, starting with no phone calls. Anything he wants to say he can put it in an email and reduce contact with him (with you) to absolute essentials

Why isn't the ex manning up and taking HIS son to GP and hospital appointments if he thinks it's so easy to get consultants and treatments expedited. I'd be telling him to F Off unless he's willing to step up and start doing things himself. It's easy for him to heckle you from the sidelines. Stop putting up with it and start to stand your ground.

Personally I'd wait for the NHS appointment and see what they recommend and we have private healthcare.

DD had a procedure last year privately, she got a slight infection. Each dressing check was another £80 (there were 3), each private prescription for antibiotics were about £25 (again two). NHS would not see her or treat her and said we had to go back to the hospital/consultant who we'd paid. I get this and have good healthcare so it was all covered.

We later found they did a different anaesthetic to planned so that changed the cost too.

What I'm trying to say is the 4500 might turn out to be much more. Waiting another few weeks to get a second free opinion isn't long.

1. steroid cream is the correct first line treatment for this rather than rushing in with surgery. That's not "fobbing off," that's good medical practice.
2. you can't make someone have a micropenis in this way.
3. you are totally reasonable to wait till after the NHS appt before deciding what you do. Your ex is a dickhead.

Yes, I feel under pressure because he is putting me under pressure because of his misinformation and anxieties. In reality, yes my boy needs to be seen and will probably need the procedure, but it isn't an emergency. The anxiety is to do with the ex, not the actual issue my son has, as i know it'll be sorted. I need to find a way to manage how he makes me feel. He is so aggressive, watches these weird documentaries and believes conspiracy theories, but doesnt really listen to facts. Plus my son has autism and doesn't like going there. It's really difficult.

Can you mute or filter his messages so you only read them at set times? It's very triggering I found to read messages when they were sent and you put yourself under pressure to reply etc.
If you can sit down with a cuppa and go "right let's see what ex has sent over the past 24 hrs" it puts you in control and you don't feel under pressure to reply immediately. You can breathe and plan the reply and then mute/filter until the next planned reading time.
He's being a twat of course. I would also put money on him not actually being like this in the Drs so if he comes along remember it's not your job to handle him. And if he does kick off the Dr will be experienced at how to deal with it.
Sorry OP it sounds stressful enough without him to add to it

Thank you. Yes, that's a good idea about hiding his messages and allocating time to read. Seeing his name flash up always makes my stomach turn.