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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my husband to consider moving for our son?

42 replies

ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 14:23

to ask husband to consider moving to a family orientated estate with friends for our son to play with? We live on a street with elderly people when we moved here I said I would give it a try and if I didn’t feel settled we should consider moving we have been here over 18 months and I still feel the same but he completely refuses saying he has done work on the house and is not prepared and son will have to be happy where he is.

OP posts:
Thingcanonlygetbetter · 21/04/2026 14:35

This is my personal experience - We moved from an estate with loads of kids to the countryside with no neighbours. I felt I got my small kids back under my control. They were not looking out the window at bedtime at other kids being let loose to all hours. The door bell wasn’t constantly going - can Jimmy come out to play. There used to be more rows and upset with the kids when we lived in an estate. Let him find his own friends at school and organise a few play dates.

randomchap · 21/04/2026 14:36

How old is your son? Are you settled?

What are the pros and cons of moving?

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 21/04/2026 14:38

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 21/04/2026 14:35

This is my personal experience - We moved from an estate with loads of kids to the countryside with no neighbours. I felt I got my small kids back under my control. They were not looking out the window at bedtime at other kids being let loose to all hours. The door bell wasn’t constantly going - can Jimmy come out to play. There used to be more rows and upset with the kids when we lived in an estate. Let him find his own friends at school and organise a few play dates.

This

I totally agree with this.

Having lots of other kids in the same road, or on the same estate is not always a good thing.

Our children grew up on a street where none of their friends lived and it was great. We would organise play dates, and when they were older would have friends round after school, or go to theirs after school or at weekends. There is still fun to be had without having them right on the same street.

PygmyOwl · 21/04/2026 14:41

We live on a road with no kids, it does mean you have to make a bit more of an effort to facilitate their social lives (play dates, trips to the park etc).

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 21/04/2026 14:43

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 21/04/2026 14:38

This

I totally agree with this.

Having lots of other kids in the same road, or on the same estate is not always a good thing.

Our children grew up on a street where none of their friends lived and it was great. We would organise play dates, and when they were older would have friends round after school, or go to theirs after school or at weekends. There is still fun to be had without having them right on the same street.

Show quote history

Even thinking back to that time has given me a shudder today. I could have everyone settled and then next thing the doorbell would go. Then there would be the doorbell going twenty minutes later with some child telling me that my child had done something. Then the house would be full of other people’s kids needing drinks and snacks. I was living on my last nerve! I am 13 years out of it! 🎉

AttentionPlease · 21/04/2026 14:44

We live somewhere with no children, and just made more of an effort with play dates etc and, when older, encouraging DS to bring friends over.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 21/04/2026 14:46

I assume you mean still in the same general area ie you’re not moving schools?

It seems a bit of a waste of money in fees and stamp duty to move for this reason tbh

Periperi2025 · 21/04/2026 14:49

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 21/04/2026 14:38

This

I totally agree with this.

Having lots of other kids in the same road, or on the same estate is not always a good thing.

Our children grew up on a street where none of their friends lived and it was great. We would organise play dates, and when they were older would have friends round after school, or go to theirs after school or at weekends. There is still fun to be had without having them right on the same street.

Show quote history

"kids" plural. OP only has the one child, so i don't think it is comparable.
I've recently divorced and used the opportunity to move from a remote rural location to a large village with a play park next to the house as i have an only child and could see that the isolation was already becoming an issue for her.
She is only 8, so we are working together on learning the walking routes between our house and various friends houses so that in a few years she has a degree independence that she can never have at her dad's house.

pinkdelight · 21/04/2026 14:50

Sounds pretty drastic. It's not at all necessary to live on the same street/estate as DC's friends in order for them to socialise. They see friends at school and can go to each other's houses after school and at weekends or to the park or clubs etc. Moving house including all those costs makes no sense to me for such a small reason that will be fleeting anyway as they make their own friends.

WallaceinAnderland · 21/04/2026 14:50

Moving twice in 18 months is very expensive.

katgab · 21/04/2026 14:51

My children have never lived near their friends or had kids near enough to just play out. Yes we had to make an effort but it worked fine. My eldest and his mates are all at different unis now and still see each other when around, easier now he drives. All lovely youngsters. I didn’t live near other kids growing up, neither did dh so this is quite normal for us.

Original poster
ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 15:43

7 years old with an older daughter of 16 who also wants to move to be closer to her school and her friends

OP posts:
randomchap · 21/04/2026 15:45

Have written down the pros and cons?

Had a calm and productive conversation?

Original poster
ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 15:48

I’ve wrote down the pros and cons he just shouts screams n swears when I try to discuss, he is controlling and has been aggressive. He controls most of the spending, he pressured me into moving away from family. I’m a fool.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 21/04/2026 15:53

ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 15:48

I’ve wrote down the pros and cons he just shouts screams n swears when I try to discuss, he is controlling and has been aggressive. He controls most of the spending, he pressured me into moving away from family. I’m a fool.

In that case you have a bigger problem than your son not living near other children.

pinkdelight · 21/04/2026 15:57

ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 15:48

I’ve wrote down the pros and cons he just shouts screams n swears when I try to discuss, he is controlling and has been aggressive. He controls most of the spending, he pressured me into moving away from family. I’m a fool.

Sorry about this. The answer then isn't moving house to an estate for your DC. Wherever you live this problem will persist. You need to think about your future, not just who your DC can play out with. Talk to your family and figure out a plan.

randomchap · 21/04/2026 15:58

It sounds like you're in an abusive relationship. Have you considered contacting women's aid? Or other domestic abuse charity. They can help

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/04/2026 16:01

ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 15:48

I’ve wrote down the pros and cons he just shouts screams n swears when I try to discuss, he is controlling and has been aggressive. He controls most of the spending, he pressured me into moving away from family. I’m a fool.

You have bigger issues then

abusive behaviour verbal emontional

you want a diff house ? Divorce and you and kids can live where you want in a smaller property

LazyTiger26 · 21/04/2026 16:09

Nope we moved away from an estate with loads of kids and now all ours are happy bunnies being in the country. Nothing but noise, bullying, groups standing around late at night from age 7 etc best move we did

Mosaiccup · 21/04/2026 16:12

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 21/04/2026 14:35

This is my personal experience - We moved from an estate with loads of kids to the countryside with no neighbours. I felt I got my small kids back under my control. They were not looking out the window at bedtime at other kids being let loose to all hours. The door bell wasn’t constantly going - can Jimmy come out to play. There used to be more rows and upset with the kids when we lived in an estate. Let him find his own friends at school and organise a few play dates.

Yes, I agree with this too. It's also my experience from when I was a child. It was awful having to go in to bed while "everyone" else was still out.

Original poster
ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 16:25

Thank you everyone, think I needed to read this from strangers been feeling very confused and not knowing what to do for the best for my kids and myself.

OP posts:
Rocky6 · 21/04/2026 16:36

I think you are asking the wrong question. Are YOU happy where you are, and if not, what can you do about it?

Gymnopedie · 21/04/2026 17:08

ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 15:48

I’ve wrote down the pros and cons he just shouts screams n swears when I try to discuss, he is controlling and has been aggressive. He controls most of the spending, he pressured me into moving away from family. I’m a fool.

From that, clearly you could talk to him, ask him to consider, until you're blue in the face and all it will get you is aggression and verbal abuse.

I don't ask lightly and I'm not rushing to ltb but why are you still with him? What keeps you there?

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 21/04/2026 17:57

ByRedBiscuit · 21/04/2026 15:48

I’ve wrote down the pros and cons he just shouts screams n swears when I try to discuss, he is controlling and has been aggressive. He controls most of the spending, he pressured me into moving away from family. I’m a fool.

Well I wish you had put all this in your OP and my reply would have been very different.

You have more problems than wanting to move so the kids have friends nearby.

Make plans to leave and don't look back.

Tryagain26 · 21/04/2026 18:03

Do you like where you are?
If the area is nice and convenient for work and school I don't see the issue.
None of my children's friends lived on our street and non of my grandchildren's friends live on the same street as them.
Their friends came from nursery/school /activities etc not from the neighbours.
Unless you are very unhappy where you are I can see your husband's point it's expensive to move and 18 months isn't very long