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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find toddler bf/gf comments really irritating?

15 replies

Heaintyourboyfriend · 21/04/2026 11:21

I have a toddler son. We've made lots of friends over the past couple of years through various groups/activities/nursery. He happens to be one of very few boys in our groups of friends, I'd say 90% are girls.

I find it really quite weird and annoying that so many of the mums refer to my son as their daughters boyfriend. I know it's mostly lighthearted, etc, and he doesn't understand what a boyfriend/girlfriend is, but some of them are so insistent (and have made repeated remarks almost claiming him from other girls who are also 3 years old!).

I generally never make any comment, but I think I might have upset a friend this morning, who told another mum at drop off that my son was her boyfriend and he's not allowed another gf because she's known him the longest. I can't remember exactly what I said as I was more focussed on handing him over and getting away, but it irked me so I said something along the lines of maybe he'll never want a girlfriend. I don't think she responded.

I just feel a little bit peeved that there has to be this assumption that a little boy can't just enjoy being friends with people. They have to be his girlfriend. I'm sure this happens the other way around too.

AIBU to find this annoying?

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 21/04/2026 11:23

YANBU.
I suggest saying 'yes Tim has lots of friends who are girls', always always reframing 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend' statements. I find them very inappropriate.

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 21/04/2026 11:23

I also find this inappropriate. It's sexualising children.

Nursemumma92 · 21/04/2026 11:26

YANBU although I have it the opposite way where my DD aged 3 is friends with mainly boys in terms of my friends who have little ones the same age (has lots of girls as friends at nursery). It's often the boy mums that do the same and say that she has lots of boyfriends and how she's going to be a 'maneater' when she's older. I find it incredibly grating!

BarnacleBeasley · 21/04/2026 11:28

I agree that it's irritating and inappropriate. Parents don't tend to do it to us, maybe because our DCs have two mums, or maybe because we got lucky and don't know as many annoying people.

On the other hand, though, my polygamous 4yo is married to at least three different girls at nursery. So it's probably no consolation, but the DCs start doing it by themselves soon.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 21/04/2026 11:29

Yeah it’s cringey and yuck.

Heaintyourboyfriend · 21/04/2026 11:36

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 21/04/2026 11:23

I also find this inappropriate. It's sexualising children.

I didn't want to seem dramatic but this is how I feel too.

OP posts:
Heaintyourboyfriend · 21/04/2026 11:40

BarnacleBeasley · 21/04/2026 11:28

I agree that it's irritating and inappropriate. Parents don't tend to do it to us, maybe because our DCs have two mums, or maybe because we got lucky and don't know as many annoying people.

On the other hand, though, my polygamous 4yo is married to at least three different girls at nursery. So it's probably no consolation, but the DCs start doing it by themselves soon.

That's interesting. We have a very close friend couple (same sex) who have a child the same age as us and it has just occurred to me that they have never once referred to the kids and BF/GF. I will ask them next time if they find they get many comments regarding their child in that manor.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/04/2026 11:41

Oh god, yes, massively irritating and inappropriate

Gowlett · 21/04/2026 11:46

Yeah, it’s weird. DS is 5 & talks about the girls as much as the boys. They all muck about together. There is fondness for one or two girls in the same way that he’s best friends with some boys.

Of course kids are fascinated by the opposite sex, as they start to discover the difference. But boyfriend / girlfriend talk is for the future, I think. Won’t be long until it comes up, for real…

Pinkflamingo10 · 21/04/2026 12:07

I’m a mum of 3 boys and I hate this too. Also hate “he’s so handsome he’ll be a heartbreaker” 🤮
no. He’s my son and and he’ll be a gentleman thank you very much.

PruneJuiceAWarriorsDrink · 21/04/2026 12:09

It is insanely odd behaviour for people who's primary motivation should be protecting and safeguarding their children. Why on earth would you want to foist adult sexuality and relationships on a pre-pubescent child? If these people stopped and thought about the underlying message they're sending they'd be righty horrified by themselves.

For anyone that's not paying attention. Children don't have sexuality. Why would a safe adult imply that they do?

PollyBell · 21/04/2026 12:31

Although I dont get comment i really dont think people genuinely think they are boyfriend or girlfriend at this stage it is just one of those expressions some people use that isnt really 100% fact

Wouldn't use it myself but it means nothing i dont think the kids get upset by it

user2848502016 · 21/04/2026 12:53

I hate it too
My friend is always going on about her 7 year old daughter having a “boyfriend”, like is he not just her best friend who happens to be a boy?!
Even in my DDs year 6 class there is a lot of talk about “crushes” and boyfriends, it’s just far too young

user2848502016 · 21/04/2026 12:55

PollyBell · 21/04/2026 12:31

Although I dont get comment i really dont think people genuinely think they are boyfriend or girlfriend at this stage it is just one of those expressions some people use that isnt really 100% fact

Wouldn't use it myself but it means nothing i dont think the kids get upset by it

My DD did get upset about it actually, when she was about 5 she had a little friend who was a boy and she hated it if anyone said he was her boyfriend

IWaffleAlot · 21/04/2026 14:04

I’ve never ever ever experienced this and had two toddlers. These women sound so thick and uneducated to even think like this. Are you sure you want your child there?

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