Ever since I had my Dd, I’ve started to question my own childhood and the difference between myself and my mum as mothers.
Mum was never affectionate, never said she loved us, I knew she did, but no affection. I remember going away for the first time with brownie camp and when all the parents picked their kids up, they all hugged them. I remember looking at the families all around me as my mum just got my coat and we went. She barely spoke on the way home and I always had this feeling i’d done something wrong-but I never knew what. I remember being at my graduation and my dad looking at me with such love in his eyes and my mums face is like thunder in the pictures, I don’t know if they’d rowed about something, but no Well done, nothing.
Fast forward to me now having my own daughter, I adore her, cuddle her all the time, tell her I love her, it’s natural for me, I almost can’t stop doing it, my Dm looks uncomfortable when I do this and sometimes leaves the room. Dm obviously loves my Dd, but I often get the sense she doesn’t like her that much, she rarely engages with her, looks at her disapprovingly sometimes-Dd is energetic and confident and friendly, Dm is quiet and shy and likes kids like that. She has only ever babysat once, whereas has done it numerous times for Dsis. When I left her as a baby, I left a note saying feed times etc, nap times and she was fuming, I don’t understand why. Once when Dd was a baby, they took her in the pram around the block to give me a break (it’s around 40 minutes tops) I suspect I had mild Pnd after Dd was born and was anxious being without her, as they walked off I heard Dmum say to to Ddad ‘She should be grateful we’re taking her for a walk’
One time when Dd had started walking and was everywhere, I needed the toilet and they were staying and I asked could they keep an eye on her when she goes in the front garden near the gate.
When I came downstairs, I heard Dmum complaining about me indignantly to Ddad as though it was cheeky she could help by watching Dd?! I was so upset to hear her bitching about me and confused, so called her out on it and said I just asked you to help me and watch her whilst I went to the toilet, she looked very awkward and embarrassed and couldn’t explain it.
She has low self esteem I think, always talks about how her sister was the favourite one and talked for her. It seems she replicated this in my childhood as I feel she greatly favoured my younger sister over me in many ways.
The most recent thing is she thinks Dd doesn’t really like her (she’s 7!) says she loves Grandad-she does! he talks and plays with her, Dmum doesn’t. It’s like she doesn’t understand that she has to make effort, not the child. She’s always so proud of saying she never pries into for example my Dsis’s life and that if she needed to, she’d come to her, no mum, sometimes mums need to ask how you are, how things are.
I just notice more and more things now I have my own child
What could be her issue/s?