AIBU to be concerned about a sudden nursery room move?

[FireHorse29]

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice on nursery room moves.

My 2.5 year old daughter goes back to nursery tomorrow (today technically) after them being closed for Easter the past 2 weeks. I've just received a newsletter from the nursery, sent out on Monday evening when they were closed, saying that they've changed the layout of their setting over the break. Instead of just having a toddler group and a preschool group as they did before, they've created a third group in the middle for children that are between 2 and 3. My daughter has evidently moved into that group, and will now share a space with the preschoolers instead of the younger children.

I don't object to this on paper, as my daughter is getting to an age where she's outgrowing toddler things a bit. However, from the wording on the newsletter it really does seem like this is effective immediately. This is the first time I am hearing of any of this, despite it all seeming very planned on their end (they've renovated and moved the whole space around). We have already apparently moved groups on their app, my daughter's keyworker has been removed from her profile - in the letter it says the lady she had is staying with the toddlers, so evidently this will be something else that is changing.

She will apparently be moving into a different physical space as well as having new children in her room and the new keyworker - not that I know who it will be. That seems like a lot to find out about in a newsletter the day before she goes back? I don't object in theory, so maybe it's being facetious, as it's not like we would have said no. But I'm really feeling like I should have been talked to before this decision was made. Under their previous arrangement she wouldn't be moving rooms until late August. We have just started potty training, which we informed them about before the Easter break, and I wouldn't have started that now if I'd known she would be going through another big transition.

Before anyone says, obviously I am going to talk to the nursery first thing and get as many answers as possible. I know there's no point reacting until I have all the facts. But I just feel like whatever they say now, I'm still going to be annoyed. I've read about this for the first time in a mass newsletter. Even if she doesn't actually move for 2 weeks, for example (which is really not how it seems from the letter, as all the wording is very immediate) I'm still going to feel like they've blindsided me a bit. Nobody said a peep at drop off or pick up before we broke up. They gave me their thumbs up to potty train!

She's our first child but she went to a different nursery from 9 months to about 18 months old, and had one room transition while there which was all very discussed, probably 2 months in advance, and happened in stages to help her adjust. Maybe it's wrong to compare between 2 nurseries or I got used to a more communicative style before. My daughter is an adaptive child and bright for her age (biased I know) so I know she will do well, but I'm definitely really questioning how things have been handled. Does anyone have any experience of this? Am I being unreasonable to be concerned, or is this standard?

At two and a half she's going to be right in the middle of the 2-3 year age group so what do you mean about her being with preschoolers?

You could let the nursery know how cross you are and see how that goes, or you could, you know, just relax.

Sounds like it will be so much better than your 2 and a half year old stuck with babies. They’ll be able to do more age appropriate activities. Give it a few days and you will love it. I can understand your worried as it’s been thrown at you, but this is probably why. If you had been talked with first you’d still be worried, they’re doing the best for the kids

This new group they've made that she's going into (2-3) is sharing a space with the preschoolers group (3+). Previously she was in with the toddlers, which is in a different room.

I appreciate the advice - I think just relax is probably easier said than done when it comes to big decisions about your child. However, for all I know, how they've done it is standard which is why I've asked. As for letting them know I'm cross, I'm not really a guns blazing parent and I'm not going to say anything regardless until I've got more information. I just wanted to know if this is normal 🙂

I think it will be beneficial but could have been communicated better and managed a bit more slowly. Finding out that her key worker is no longer going to be with her is quite major. This is a key relationship.

I think transition could have been managed better too eg. Time spent with different staff and kids even if the room changes hadn't happened. I would check whether that took place because it is a lot for a 2 year old, after a break, to take in. Almost like starting in a new place. It seems strangely thought out, not for the child's benefit.

You never just relax as a parent. But we all jump to the worst possible outcome in our heads. It’s normal to be worried you wouldn’t be a good mum if you didn’t . That’s your job. But it will be fine you just need to give it time and you will be happy. If you really thought it was a bad idea you wouldn’t send your child back. It’s just new and scary and you don’t have all the info x

This is the element that's bothering me because I do agree with the above comments that it will be better for her long term. Currently she's with kids from about 15 months old to 3 years and developmentally that is a big gap. But we would never have started potty training now if I'd have known she was changing key workers or going in with new kids. It's just a lot! I will definitely check if they did do the transition with her and just didn't tell me, because I would feel a lot better then.

I never had to potty train my kids at nursery so I can’t comment on that. If you were relying on the previous key worker and that’s why she was ready for that then that wouldn’t be nice for you. Hopefully the new one will be alright x

They said sharing space but they will still be separate. And I’m guessing she is already with other 2-3 year olds m, so still with kids she knows?!? I’m not sure I see what the issue is to be honest.

Yes, she's already with some 2 and 3 year olds now, and they will all be moving into the room with the 3 and 4 year olds. So, some new kids and definitely some she knows. I don't have an issue with any of that itself. My objection was finding out on the Monday that all of these changes are happening on the Tuesday, i.e the key worker, the room, and some new faces for her too. It feels a lot to be happening overnight, but as I said for all I know this is how most places do it! I may have just got used to how the old nursery did it with all the talking and planning, and overreacted. 🙂

I think you’re massively overreacting. Yes it would have been nice to be told in advance since they obviously knew. But sounds really positive. I don’t see why you’d have not potty trained because of this!! It’s hardly a big transition, she’s still at the same nursery and presumably with the same kids and the same routine. I really don’t think who a child’s key worker is is that important, it’s not like they only interact with that staff member. I think there is a touch of PFB about this… I guarantee you wouldn’t be worrying as much if she was your second, and you will look back and see it’s really not a big deal. I hope it goes well for her though!

I agree with @PrincessOfPreschool
Transitions to new rooms and/or KWs should be discussed well in advance and managed over a period of time - spending time in the new room before belong formally moved. The new KW being introduced etc.
We’d expect that for ourselves if there was a similar change in our own personal or work environment.
I bet they have loads of blurb about children feeling settled and gently moved from one room to another.

Thanks for your well wishes ❤️ I totally could be overreacting, and I do appreciate all the different takes on this. My daughter got on with all the staff in her old room but does have a lovely bond with her keyworker, who she presumably won't be seeing much now. I wouldn't have potty trained if I'd known similarly because it will be 3 out of 4 staff that are new to her in the new room, and I don't know if she will feel confident yet asking unfamiliar adults to help her in the toilet. Plus, it's a lot of change right as we're coming back over break. But, what's done is done and I do think she's resilient enough to cope, but I just feel unsettled by it. I'm also pregnant so who knows what reasonable is anymore! 😁 She is probably my PFB but I'm also a worrier by nature.

I think they could have given you a bit more notice, a week would have been reasonable .

It will be fine - in fact far more fun for them . The key worker is a fairly nominal thing , they have care from all the staff. The older ones will be good peers for potty training, actually a positive thing for them to role model using the toilet/ potty.

I think you are probably worrying more than you need to. Hope it all goes well.

I think the lack of notice is really poor. I do think you can take comfort in her sort of staying with the same kids, who have presumably also had this transition sprung on them.

I’d ask some questions, maybe there are planning a transition for the group? Will there be a gradual mixing with the preschoolers? Is there any chance the keyworker could spend time on the room later in the day? Lots of things could still be done to ease this transition.

I do wonder if this has been a quick decision following an accident/incident or near miss. 15 months-rising 3 is quite an extreme age gap worth quite conflicting toys and activities from a safety perspective.

I think this is pretty standard, I don’t remember being given notice as such, we just knew there were different rooms for different agea and that the children would move through as and when. Sounds like she is moving with others and she may well have met the key workers in the room before (ours all had lunch together or outside play together).

You must always be comfortable in raising a genuine concern and ask for notice next time but maybe use this as an opportunity to try and let things roll?

She'll be absolutely fine. Not sure what the problem is tbh

It does sound like an over-reaction but I undoubtedly would have felt the same in your place.

I don't think asking you all what you wanted before they made the decision is realistic for a business. They should, of course, base decisions on general feedback, but they are providing a service that has to work for a lot of children, not a personal, individualised service that gives each parents what they specifically want. It would give you expectations about what they were prepared to do.

But I do agree they should have communicated it better and told you at the start of the break so you could prepare your DD for the change.

I think you are over reacting, but understand we often over react as parents, particularly with our first.

This was one of the reasons I opted for a childminder instead of a nursery for DS. Friends with older kids had grumbled about this sort of thing a lot - key workers changing every year or even few months (which defeats the point of having a key person, ideally they have the same one throughout). Nurseries also tend to be very tight on staffing/ratios and I always got the impression room changes etc were focussed more on what suited staff/enabled them to max the ratios, than on what was best for the child.

I personally prefer kids to be in a family style mixed aged group than with others all the same age who have competing needs.

I do agree with others that you’re way over thinking this. This is not a ‘big decision’ and I absolutely promise you you’ll look back at this post in a few years and wonder what all the fuss was about! But I also remember how everything with my first felt like a big deal!

Whilst I agree some notice would have been helpful, I don’t think it means you needed to not potty train or do anything differently. Don’t underestimate how resilient children are at a young age, and helping them cope with changes is a really good thing. My oldest DS was in the same room with the same children and same key worker throughout nursery (very small one) and found the move to school quite overwhelming. My youngest is in a much larger nursery and has moved rooms 3 times and several key workers. He is much more robust with change.

The main thing this morning is to get your DD excited about going back and starting in a new room-don’t let on you’re nervous for her.

And I agree with others that the set up of a 2-3 room sounds ideal so probably a worthwhile change for the nursery to make

This. We've all been there with the first one. It'll be fine. Total non-event. And don't stop the potty training if it's going OK - changing rooms in a nursery she is already used to is not a major life change. She may not even notice much difference apart from "wow, cool, new room!" for 2 minutes.

I think you’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum. Your previous nursery doing 2 months of preparation for a room change seems like massive overkill to me. This nursery I’d agree should have communicated it a bit earlier. But either way, they’d never have not given you the thumbs up to potty train.

You are overthinking everything. Even if the nursery told you in advance, how it would impact your DC? I mean, apart from telling her that she will be changing rooms, which she might not even understand, how would you ‘prepare’ her? And potty training at the same time- is not here or there. Children are much more resilient and can learn lots of things at the same time.
Relax, nursery doesn’t owe you an apology for not informing you ‘on time’.

Normal to have a room between toddlers and pre-school in my experience. Your daughter may already be used to the space as they may have already been showing them before Easter.

As for changing key worker, also normal and in my opinion it’s good for them
to not get too attached to one or two people, this will set her up better for school setting too where normally it’s a different teacher every year.

As you’ve said she’d ready for some more advanced things and this will be a positive move. It’s also good for them to be with the older kids to learn from and helps their development.

I have 3 kids so am a lot more nonchalant with the third than I was with the first so a lot of my view is hindsight. I’d say this is business as usual