If you only see me every two months pre-baby don’t expect to see me every week post baby

[Clipclopclogs]

I am really struggling with my family expectations post baby. I live quite close to my family, but they very rarely came to my house, maybe every 18 months or so. I’d see them at theirs or for a day out every 2 months roughly. I would have wanted to see them more, but they would be too busy. But that’s life.

Where I am now struggling is the sudden increase in interest post baby. The pressure and expectation now that we see each other several times a week is overwhelming, and I’m a bit annoyed they weren’t there during my pregnancy, it is just now there is a lovely baby.

No doubt you'd be moaning if they weren't showing an interest now that your baby's here...

No, I really wouldn’t.

Were you working ft before the baby and are now on mat leave?

Who I saw and the frequency of seeing them completely changed after having a baby.

I think it’s a bit normal if you’re suddenly home all day and so are they, when you weren’t before. Some people treat mat leave like you’re on holiday.

But start as you intend to go on. You can say no. Set boundaries now.

Fwiw, my mum used to come visit me before I had dc. She would have absolutely zero interest in seeing me now unless dc were with me. It’s like I stopped existing as a person. (We are NC now for totally unrelated reasons)

I just feel over the last few years I have built a life and routine of people I see. I still feel busy and like I have a lot on- it’s just they want to see baby and I am expected to now accommodate that.

I am not saying no for no sake, we have other people to see and things to do. We’ve established a lot of these whilst they weren’t interested

Oh I hear this. My parents weren’t all that interested through my 20s. I saw them a few times a year but they were often busy. Then I had a baby at 30 and suddenly they wanted to be weekly visiting family. It was a huge shift.

But if you are busy you are busy. Don’t cut them off, just allow the level of time you feel comfortable with. It might be an opportunity to rebuild that relationship, (I did manage to build a pretty good adult relationship with mine) or they might get bored when it’s no longer cute tiny baby cuddles.

What you shouldn’t do is cut off those who were there for you to prioritise “blood” relationships that might not be as healthy or beneficial long term.

@Clipclopclogs the novelty usually wears off pretty quickly.