I don’t even really know what I’m asking here tbh but I need to get this out somewhere as I’ve had one of those days and I’m going round in circles in my own head.
I’m on my own with my son (14, 15 in a few months). His mum hasn’t been involved for a long time, won’t go into all that as it’s a whole other thing and not really helpful here, but it’s just been me and him for years now. We’ve always been quite close or I thought we were anyway, but the last couple of years it’s like he’s turned into someone I don’t recognise half the time.
He’s always been a bit mouthy but lately it’s more than that. The way he talks about girls especially just isn’t right. I do pull him up on it every time, I’m not just letting it slide, but it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. He’ll either laugh it off or double down and say I’m overreacting or that it’s “just how people talk now” which I don’t buy for a second.
There’s also the temper. He goes from 0 to 100 over nothing and once he’s there it’s very hard to get him back down. I’m not saying he’s going round attacking people constantly but he can be aggressive, slamming doors, getting in people’s faces, that sort of thing. I’ll be honest I don’t always handle it perfectly myself, I work full time and by the time we get into it I’m already knackered and probably not as patient as I should be. I’ve shouted, I’ve taken his phone, grounded him, all the usual stuff. Nothing seems to stick for more than a day or two.
Today has kind of tipped me over hence this post. He got into a lot of trouble at school. From what I’ve been told there was a girl in his class “winding him up” (his words) and it ended up with him losing it, shouting at her and having to be pulled away. School are taking it seriously, I’ve had the phone call, meeting booked, the usual tone of it being my responsibility to sort him out. I do get that to a point but it’s not like I’m sat at home encouraging it.
What worries me more than the incident itself is how he talks about it. No real remorse, just keeps saying she started it and that she deserved to be put in her place. That’s the bit I can’t seem to get through on at all. I’ve tried explaining how it sounds, how it comes across, what it leads to, all of that. He just shrugs or argues back.
I know teenagers can be difficult and I’m not expecting him to be perfect, I certainly wasn’t at that age, but this feels like more than just normal pushing boundaries. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is just what boys are like now and I’m out of touch, I don’t know.
There’s probably loads I’ve missed out and this is already longer than I meant it to be. I’m just tired if I’m honest. Feels like whatever I say or do makes no difference and I’m the one getting the looks from school like I’ve failed somewhere along the line.
At what point do you accept you’re not getting through and what are you actually supposed to do then.