To take a few days off work?

[BikingBadger]

MIL sadly passed away 2 weeks ago during the Easter break. We were on holiday from work at the time but she was very unwell for a few months before this- and we had to help with care, supporting upset children, FIL, then organising the funeral etc.
Kids are back at school now and I am completely exhausted. Would it be unreasonable to take a few days off work? I am very rarely off sick (once in the last 4 years, but it was before Christmas so fairly recent) but feel guilty about taking time off now that the 'hard part' ie juggling care, organising funeral etc are all over. Our Bereavement leave policy only applies to immediate family, not in-laws. WWYD?

Can you take annual leave or are you in a role where that doesn't apply e.g. teacher?

I'd probably do it but I'd try to take annual leave instead if that's an option

When my MIL died I like you was told bereavement leave was for immediate family. I went to the gp and got signed off work for 2 weeks. I couldn't work when my dh needed me.

You need to take annual leave. Or agree unpaid leave, you aren’t actually sick

it’s sensible to rest and recover. Grief impacts us physically and mentally. You are allowed to take time to recover just as you would with a cold or other virus. I also believe it’s better to do it now to prevent.more serious impact on your health rather than pushing through until you burn out. Really sorry for your loss.

I doubt A/L would get approved at short notice, unfortunately. My diary is pretty full on for the next month or so which isn't helping, and my work isn't covered while I'm on leave so I'd have to cancel meetings.

I'd take a week off sick without thinking twice. Put yourself first if you got hit by a bus tomorrow your job would be advertised within a week in most places.

Same!

A woman I used to work with died and all her worked was sorted within 2 weeks. Employers don’t give a shit about people.

Take the time off to recover OP. Sorry foryour loss. My MiL has been in hospital and it really brought back memories from when my dad passed away so it has been hard. MIL is ok, thankfully

Not relevent at all in this situation … pulling a sicky against a member of staff dying so need to replace.

Personally no I wouldn’t go off sick in this situation, but your choice obviously.

Genuinely sorry for your loss.

talk to work and see what you can figure out.

i would hope they would be understanding if they are decent people.

I wouldn't think twice about it. You're not mentally well enough to work, you need to recover. Take the time, don't feel guilty. Look after yourself. Grief and caring takes it's toll.

Absolutely you should. Take a few days now to stabilise yourself rather than pushing through and needing a sick note later for even longer because you have reached burnout. I’d let any of my team do this in your situation

If you're feeling too unwell (physically or mentally) to do your job, then you need to be off sick. You don't want to burn out if you force yourself to keep going! Your health comes first, work will work around it. I don't believe in the 'going to work at any cost' mindset. Your job isnt worth sacrificing your health.

It’s not pulling a sickie. It’s looking after your mental health so you don’t end up burnt out and needing a lot longer off work.

I think you should ask for unpaid leave

Ehh- no she doesn’t. Are you the boss of her?!

Yeah do it 💜

This was an interesting mental exercise for me. I have my own business so work a ridiculous amount of hours but have always gone above and beyond in paid roles. But I’ve never had a workplace that has ever reciprocated so….I’m inclined to follow the example of the younger generations and say it’s only work. Take the time you need.

I’m retired now, but in my days as an employer I would absolutely have understood someone taking sick
leave in this situation. Compassionate leave for blood relatives only makes no sense - blood really doesn’t define the depth of a relationship.

Thanks for all the replies and advice.
I feel a bit better about asking for some time off. I'm feeling very fragile and genuinely don't feel well enough to work just now but I expect I will pull myself together in a few days.

Take some time off.

Being unwell doesn’t have to mean physically unwell.

I have to say, my first thought was annual leave, but if you actually feel unwell -
whether mentally or physically- you should take time off.

This wouldn’t be any different for sick leave though? Those things would still need to rearranged.

i agree it’s more of an annual leave situation. It’s not sickness.

You are a very, very devoted wife, good for you girl.

Take sick leave. Bereavement leave is defined in a certain way to keep reasonable limits but it doesn't mean that you should feel guilty about taking sick leave to get over your MIL's death if you need to - which it sounds like you absolutely do.