To ask for maintenance to be calculated?

[Bushwoolie]

I've had an arrangement with my child's father for about 10 years.
He pays 27.70 roughly a week. About a year ago he begun topping up my child's lunch money each week so that bumps us up to 46 (although that extra money goes directly on the lunch account).

Over the years circumstances have changed massively and whilst we used to have a very good relationship, we have very different styles of parenting and I don't believe you should scare your child to the point they are anxious constantly and we've been allocated a special support worker via their consultant at the hospital.

I'm mid separation (from my husband ) and I need to get all my ducks in a row. With that in mind I want to make sure I'm getting the correct amount for my child as being on my own will be stretching finances and I don't want to be worrying about making sure I can cover what my child needs.

That's being said, this is no longer a conversation I can have with my child's father. If I approach him, he'll kick off. So I want to just go ahead and request the calculation and deal with it via a third party so to speak.

Am I in the wrong to do it this way? I don't think I'll bother if I have to speak to him directly. My anxiety won't let me.

TIA

Not unreasonable at all. But be prepared incase he’s legally allowed to pay less than the £46ish he’s currently paying per week because if he is he definitely will I’m sure. It’s one of those things where you weigh up how much better off you will be.

Of course not.

The only thing to consider is if this will make you worse off.

If he is self employed he can effectively pay nothing. Same on benefits.

Also applying for CM can trigger some men into further unreasonable behaviour. Leaving their job, attempting to get more overnights with the child etc just out of spite.

None of these are reasons not to do it but just be aware that some people are shit and it's worth considering if formalising things will make a bad situation worse.

If you have a rough idea of his earnings you should put this through the CMS calculator to see how £46 a week compares. If you think he's having you on then you should put a claim through official channels for your DC sake. Once you're separated it might be wise to ask him if his earnings are declared up to date as you are having a financial review yourself. If he objects, do it the official way. Will you be eligible for UC as a solo parent? Quite likely!

How often does he have his child? Or more importantly how many overnights per week?

Sorry I didn't mean to leave important info out.
So he's not self employed and is in a well paying job. He has been for a good few years but I've not felt it necessary to ask for anymore.

He only has our child a max of 4 weeks a year.
Looking at the calculator it's the difference of about £40 per week.

Gosh so nowhere near equal or ‘shared care’. Definitely put a claim in with CMS, especially if you should be receiving pretty much double what he is paying at the moment!

Not at all unreasonable. £27 a week?! What a joke!

It should be 15% of his net salary.

Have you checked the gov.uk website. They’ll make the calculation for you if you know or have a rough idea of his salary.

Well overnight things have swayed me to just put in the claim.

He's no longer paying lunches over our child being late to school. It's something we're working hard on due to ADHD (which dad doesn't believe in and refuses to take into account).