AIBU to feel broke despite a decent salary as a single mum?

[Wfhsucks]

Serious question? Does everybody with young children never have any money? I never seem to have any even though I earn quite a decent salary. I’m a single mum. Ex seems to have loads of money since we split as he is constantly on holiday. It’s really getting me down as my parents keep saying I should be ok but everything is so expensive!

Everything is very expensive. Is ex paying the correct CMS and contributing to the costs of his child? Are you eligibe for any benefits/help?

I felt the same as I worked up the career ladder (became a mum very young!) I always thought the next promotion would do it, but no 😂

I wish I had budgeting advice or sage words of wisdom, but I just had to keep increasing my earnings until it felt comfortable (and was in a fair amount of CC debt in the meantime)

I used to earn what I thought was a decent salary as a lone parent - I guess it was double what a very average salary was. But then I realised why it never felt like enough:

• paying a lot more tax than two incomes;
• but not eligible for any benefits;
• higher childcare costs than most working couples as I had no one to share the burden if e.g. I needed to work late, etc.

How do you budget? I've raised my ds on my own since he was 2, and have coped OK. Never with much spare but not uncomfortable.

I coped by planning absolutely everything, cooking from scratch (very simple recipes) and just having fun with ds. Keep it basic - freeview, parkrun etc. I shrank our domestic world to fit my purse and then expanded out again when ds went to school and my salary went up a little.

What is he paying in CMS and is it what he should be paying?

Sorry @Wfhsucks but this is the main question that would put into context if you are paying (as is typical) more than you should be

Absolutely how I remember it. Just about covering rent, childcare, car running costs, not smoking or drinking, and living on toast and pasta for 10 days of the month. Others telling me it must be the choices I was making. No, it was just the cost of everything relative to my salary.

I got good at using CC to manage the ups and downs, and pushed myself forward for promotions at work. I could never relax about money till I met my partner and could split housing costs.

One thing I did throughout was a small, and i stress small, regular savings amount into a stocks and shares Isa. A hard discipline at the time but over the decades it grew incredibly well and has given me something to fall back on. I'd recommend any young woman to look into this as your future self will most certainly thank you!

I think sadly even fairly decent salaries don't go far anymore.

If you are only get a fixed percentage of your ex's (static) salary then you are taking the whole hit of the increasing cost of raising your children.

Haven't got much practical advice but wanted to say I don't think it's you.....

Do you pay for nursery? I think the costs are crippling even for couples

You are paying for everything solo You haven’t said if your ex has a partner if he does then that’s the rub isn’t it. My friends DH left her with two teens he moved in with his OW who owned her house outright. He did pay maintenance but he has far more money than she does. Once the split was all settled she had to get another mortgage and will now be paying this off till she is 70. Of course his share of the house proceeds was now just his fun money. Life is as usual unfair.

I recently separated from my husband and looked at the online child maintenance calculator as a guide. It is half what he currently puts into the family pot, and is the difference between me being able to absorb childcare costs, keeping them warm, feeding them well and outings, and struggling.

The maths is a shock.

A lot of our tax system and the way it interacts with entitlement to other things shit on single parent households, so I'm not surprised.

Yes absolutely I’m In the same boat and every month is a worry in case there is an unexpected cost.

I earn circa £85k which on paper sounds great….except I’m a single - well lone - parent - ex husband promptly quit his job and pays zero CMS. I had to remortgage to pay him a divorce settlement so my mortgage has gone up £350 a month and I have 3 kids at primary school incl a set of twins and to be able to work full time I have to have before/after school childminders - the cost of which is more than my mortgage. 75% of my take home pay covers just the mortgage and the childcare bill. My ex got a lump sum quit his job and moved home to his mothers - doesn’t see the kids and takes endless holidays.

Your ex husband is a piece of work, and so is his mother!

@JennyForeigner yup!
i may be cash poor but im a lot richer than him in in the ways that count (that’s what I hold on to when something expensive breaks in the house or on the car!)

Yes I suppose I should hold on to that too.