Aibu I’m at breaking point with my elderly father Should I go no contact?

[Flowersteasandchocolates]

I literally can’t cope anymore. I want to step away for a while, and sometimes I even feel like it should be forever.
This is about my 80-year-old father. He lives in another country, and since my mother passed away 5 years ago he has been driving me to the edge.
I have given him time, trips, patience, and money, and it is never enough. The worst part is that as the eldest daughter everything gets dumped on me, and I’m even blamed for things that were actually between him and my mother.
My siblings are no help at all. One in particular just lives off his money, and if I try to set any boundaries he defends him and excuses everything.

I am exhausted. I organised a lovely birthday day for him and it ended in accusations and demands for money and for the inheritance my mother left me. Everything was legally agreed and signed by him and my siblings, but because he now can’t manage his finances and keeps funding unnecessary things (and supporting that sibling who does nothing for him), he is trying to go back on everything. Thankfully that’s not possible, but the psychological pressure and stress he puts on me is getting unbearable and I genuinely feel like I’m heading towards a breakdown.
I don’t even rely on or need the inheritance my mother left me.
He has properties and a good pension. It’s just never enough because he gives money away constantly or supports that one sibling.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to step away completely and go no contact? My own family (husband and 3 young children) are suffering because of how much this is affecting me, and I honestly can’t take it anymore.
The guilt is overwhelming, but I don’t see why I should keep sacrificing myself for this.

I’ve done therapy, and every time I start to feel stronger and set boundaries, he pulls me back into it and breaks me again.
I’m really sorry for the long post. I’m just very, very sad.

Your father is behaving unreasonably and you are well within your rights to do what you need to protect yourself.

Why do you think you find it so hard to hold your boundaries with your father?

You definitely need to take a step back and leave your siblings to deal with him, at least for a while. Look after yourself and your own mental health!

Because I'm very responsible in general, because I'm afraid people will think I don't take good enough care of him, because I always fall for his lies...it's a good question, I don't know why it's so hard for me. In my culture, it's frowned upon not to take care of your parents or to distance yourself, even when, as a child, you have to endure things that might lead people in other cultures to cut ties and walk away without hesitation. He wasn't a bad father, nor was he exceptional, but he was very hardworking and active. He was always demanding and sometimes absent during our childhood because he worked so much, and my mother did so much for him and for us. Now he feels his absence and his guidance, but I can't and don't want to replace my mother, nor will I. The problem is that he makes people feel a lot of guilt with hurtful words, whether it's true or not, and that's not right. Besides, he changes his mind all the time and allows injustices between siblings. And even so, I haven't abandoned him, but I'm almost there because I can't take it anymore...it's him or my life...