For context: DP and I have been together for 9 years. First DC due September. Due to be married 2027. DP has a 13 year old DD who was born when he was 18. DP has never had a ‘normal’ relationship with his DD (he has never lived with her) as he worked away when younger and was not in a relationship with the Mother at the time (who was significantly older). He pays maintenance plus ad hoc costs and his parents look after her as GPs would (she stays one night per week at least). Due to moving back to the area, for the last 5 years DP has seen his DD at GPs’ house every week and occasionally takes her and his niece for days out. I am not involved for several reasons, including almost no contact between DP and DD for the first 5 years of our relationship, and the long hours and weekends that I work.
DP owns our current house mortgage free due to an inheritance. I have always paid half of all bills, and half of the odd piece of DIY that has been essential. DP’s Will states that if he dies, 50% of the house would come to me and 50% to his DD. I have never disputed this as it is his inherited money to pass to his DD, and I am grateful that I would also receive 50%.
We have been looking at buying a joint property together for some time now. We agreed in advance that if we were to do this, the money from the sale of the current property would remain separate as DP’s savings, and the new property would be bought with our own savings would be left equally to each other in our Wills. However, once we knew about DC arriving in September, we decided another option (in case a suitable property didn’t come up in time) would be for me to cash buy my share of our current property, and redecorate and get a new bathroom (all cosmetic, we could make do). We would obviously go halves on these costs as it would be half my house.
The issue arises when we were discussing Wills this morning. I used to work in financial planning and so have some understanding. I said that when I buy my share of the current property (or if we found a new property soon), I would need to be added to the house deeds as ‘tenants in common’ rather than ‘joint tenants’. I would then write my Will as a Life Interest Trust ensuring that my share of the property, plus any other assets, would eventually pass to our DC if I were to die first. I suggested DP do something similar to ensure a proportion is guaranteed to go to his DD.
DP immediately said he didn’t like the sound of that, that I was “doing his DD out of money” and that I was being unreasonable. I explained that I am not being unreasonable at all, I would simply be ensuring that my assets eventually return to our DC, and not to his DD as I have no relationship with her and have only seen her a handful of times over the years. I also explained that I can’t really see another option regarding Wills and house deeds. I said if he was not willing to do this, then I would not be buying a joint property with him, nor buying half of the current property from him. If the latter, I would not be contributing to the decoration/new bathroom costs as when DP eventually does sell the property, I would get nothing back. In my previous career, I have seen the implications of Wills not being sorted in advance in situations like this, and children or step-children losing their inheritance, or spouses being left with very little.
Apologies for the long post.
YANBU - I need to forward plan and financially protect myself and our DC.
YABU - I should simply accept that if I were to die first, my assets would join DP’s and would eventually go 50% to his DD.