AIBU to feel like I am failing after my ex moved on

[Ilovewaterbottles]

I’m having a difficult time at the minute and feel like a complete failure. My ex left me for somebody else 2 years ago and I have 2 children 6 and 9. Ex and his new partner seem to be always on holiday and they are buying a house together. I am barely keeping afloat. I am in a council flat, working full time and can’t afford to go on holiday. I just wish I could give the kids everything.

OP that is very hard but remember some things

We are in a cost of living crisis so you are not alone. It's systemic

There are many things you will be giving your children that your ex is not. Quality time, good food every day, input into their education like making sure their homework is done. In the scale of their lives, those "everyday inputs" are more important than a holiday.

Sometimes, doing a small positive thing can make you feel a lot better. If you would like to go on a holiday with your kids, put a small amount like £5 in a new savings account. Even if you can only put tiny amounts in each month, it is there. You can use it one day.

Thank you for your reply. It’s just a difficult pill to swallow and it makes me feel like I have failed. Some days I am ok and some it weighs really heavy on me.

Bottles, I was a single parent too. £5 per week maintenance then down to zero and he was a PGA Golf Pro, not interested in his son. I gave my son, undivided attention and love. He appreciates me as his Mum we have a close bond. Remember your children will remember your love and attention. My son is now 27. x

I wish karma existed!

They are moving in together with her son and he only see’s his own children 4 nights a month. It makes me wonder how somebody could do that.

You are giving your children everything - a safe home with a mum who is there to kiss them goodnight and does everything for them. He is a Disney dad and his contribution doesn't even come close. When they are adults they will look back and know that you were the one who was there for them, day in, day out. Don't compare your life to his - he might be better off financially (or he might be amassing big credit card debts to keep his lady friend happy!) Don't give him headspace and waste your energy thinking about him. Concentrate on your own life and your kids - there are lots of things you can do that don't cost a lot. When our kids were small and we were broke, we had lots of picnics in the park or on the beach and played games. We got an old tent and went camping and toasted marshmallows on the campfire. My adult kids still talk about those happy childhood memories!

When we were together we didn’t have much money either, it doesn’t make any sense to me how much he goes on holiday and how he can buy a new house whilst renting. I feel like I will never get out of this position as I am the one who has to deal with all the childcare.

Even the kids say to me dad takes us for days out all the time, it makes
me feel so rubbish as I do take them out but I can’t afford to do it all the time.

Firstly you are not a failure, he is. He's failed to be a good father to his DC.
I don't know how he sleeps at night

But they seem to prefer him to be honest or is that just standard whe they are young?