Feeling really down

[ThatGoldDuck]

I’m feeling really down at the moment, and i’m not sure what to do with myself.

My ex broke up with me a few months ago. For me, it kind of came out of nowhere. We’d had ups and downs like most relationships but he ended it, decisively no room for conversation, moved on very quickly and hasn’t spoken to me since, just removed me from his world. It’s been a few months and I can see it wasn’t a perfect relationship, he wasn’t the most amazing man I thought he was, but it still hurts, to spend time and life with someone, for them to make a decision without speaking to you first, end it and cut you off like you never existed. If I’m honest, I just feel like i’m floating through each day. The whole future we were discussing and plans we had made, just stopped, with no discussion. No follow up. Just gone. I wish I could say, a few months later, I understand it - but I really don’t.

On top of that, it’s my birthday this week. Birthdays have always been a big thing for me. A sore spot I guess. I think there’s only ever been one birthday I genuinely felt happy, as an adult. As much as I love to celebrate them, I planned to just let the day pass, although its a significant birthday, because I knew i’d feel emotional that I wasn’t spending it with him as I usually would. My friends were keen to do something and said I had to celebrate so I agreed to. We planned something and I was honestly kind of looking forward to it. But then they cancelled and I haven’t really heard from them. They said other things had come up and they were sorry.

I’m never really the person to just sit around and feel sorry for myself, but I’m genuinely really struggling to pick myself up and shake myself off.
I start a new job this week as I lost my job when my ex left, as I had to move back home. I’m dreading it. I feel like all I do is put on a brave face and crack in private.

I genuinely cannot remember the last time I felt genuinely happy, which isn’t like me, i’m such a happy person. Something people always tell me, they love how happy and optimistic I am.
but honestly, at this moment I feel like I’m struggling to even get up every day.
Usually you have even fleeting moments of happiness, but I just have this constant ache in my chest and sinking feeling in my stomach. It just kind of feels like rejection after rejection.

Part of me wishing I could press a button and go into hibernation and wake up when life isn’t like this anymore. Maybe I sound dramatic, so I apologise for the depressing nature of this post.
I guess I just don’t know what to do anymore.

With all kindness, he is allowed to end a relationship; he doesn't have to consult you first or discuss it. Its also not unusual when ending a relationship to totally block and remove the person from your life, space and orbit. He obviously was in a different head space than you were, he got to the point he was done, and that was it. You can't change that. Its no use keep going over it or putting a black cloud over future events because you wont be with him at them. You need to accept its done, theres nothing you can do, you are gaining nothing from going over it in your head. I think thats key to you understanding to move on.

When you start to think about it, say a mental and verbal STOP, I can't change it, I wont solve it. Its done. And then go do something else to take your mind off it. Keep doing it, every time. Your brain needs to catch up.

You wont be happy whilst youre concentrating on negative things. You've got a lot of negativity in your life that you need to tackle each one. The dread of the new job, stop that, you dont know what the future brings, it might be ok. And if it isnt, yoy will tackle that if it come to it.

Start by giving yourself 5 small tasks to do each day, then after each is done, say out loud thats done, what's next. I mean small things, make the bed, have a shower, have a cup of tea - small things, achievable. Each verbal spoken one is a positive, and you'll get little hits of dopamine. Positivity builds everything, get out and take a walk in the park, look at the sky, say its a beating day, blue skies and green trees, look at the beautiful flowers, look at the gorgeous pooches. All the positive things you can, it starts small but it builds. You have to start small.

And be kind to yourself. Stop apologising, you've done nothing wrong but again it psychologically damaging your spirit.

I’m so sorry. You must feel adrift and like your heart is breaking. I KNOW it’s a cliche, but time really is a healer. It will get better, I promise you that. You will feel happy again, even if it does take ages. Next time though, try not to put all your happiness in someone else’s hands.
All the best 💐