AIBU to think I've been catfished?

[WeCantBoardYouFromACoffeeShop]

I'm relatively new to the dating scene after coming out of a pretty horrid relationship. I've been separated for coming up 2 years now and recently started online dating.

I matched with a guy, and as everyone knows it's slim pickings on online dating. His profile read well, he was very funny and kind and we hit it off straight away. He was also incredibly attractive in his photos. Tall, dark and handsome. I am 30 years old just for context.

Weve been talking for a few days and have a date booked for next weekend. He has sent various photos of himself -all tame, I'd never send a nude or ever want one back. Just selfies of him going about his day. He was fun and cheeky.

I asked for a FaceTime last night and he was a bit resistant. He kept saying he doesn't look good from his phone camera but I probed with the fact he looked fine in the selfies he'd taken that very day. Anyway eventually we FaceTimed. I was quite shocked when I saw him. He is missing various front teeth and the other teeth look brown / black and rotten. They are missing to the extent his lips scrunch up when he's talking. He is also a good 5 stone heavier than his photos. I feel gutted to be honest as we really got on well, but he looks absolutely nothing like his photos and I'm unsure whether he is AI'ing his selfies or he's using very old photos. The thing is, with his mouth closed he's still really attractive but when he speaks or smiles the teeth, or lack of, really change his face. Good oral hygiene is very important to me, any bad breath I genuinely get offended by. i really cannot stand it and it puts me on edge. I'm also not attracted to overweight men. Why do men do this, or anyone for that matter? Change themselves SO much to the point of being ridiculous when there's no comparison, and expect the woman they're dating to either put up and shut up, or not notice?

I am going to message him this evening and cancel the date. What would you do, could you kiss someone with missing and rotten teeth? AIBU to cancel the date? One friend says I'm being harsh (but she hasn't seen the 'real' him) and one friend said run a mile!
Also what do I say to him, I think honesty is the best policy but I don't want to point out the obvious as he evidently knows he looks different hence the resistance to FaceTime. Help!

Absolutely you should cancel. You owe this man nothing, particularly as he's been dishonest.

Disappointing, OP, but I'm afraid this is a non-starter. For many reasons.

Just be brief and polite and say something like "On second thoughts, I feel this is not a good match." And leave it at that.

I think i’d be inclined to tell him why - not only to call him out on his dishonesty but to do him a favour. He might genuinely not know that his looks are off putting (giving him the benefit of the doubt).

Oh gawd. How would I word it?
In his defence (and even this is a bit of a reach) he didn't show teeth or smile in any of his photos at all. It did make me wonder if he had awful teeth. I knew there'd be a catch ugggh

You owe him nothing- cancelling is perfectly fine. You don’t even owe an explanation. If you don't want to meet.him, don't.

It's interesting that you said he'd taken selfies earlier that day, did they not show that he was fat OP?

I also think you should tell him that if he wants someone to fancy him he needs to get his teeth fixed, after all, you don't intend to see him, so while it may seem cruel, you'd actually be doing him a kindness, if he chose to take it onboard.

Do not meet him, you owe him nothing. He's misrepresented himself. If you don't want to tell him why just say you've changed your mind or you're not feeling it anymore. How frustrating. No I absolutely could not kiss someone with bad teeth, that's a deal breaker for me. Cast your net back out there and move on. Bad luck.

No not at all, quite the opposite! Toned with nice arms and a chiselled face. On FaceTime you literally couldn't see his chin from his neck. It's a complete misrepresentation. He still had a handsome face but the resemblance is too sparse.

If you'd shown me a picture of him and then the catfish photos I wouldn't have said it's the same person at all.

Better to cancel now than make excuses after date. He is prob using decade old photos best be honest ( that you have changed your mind about date) wish him luck and block then move on.

Yes I'm going to cancel. Do you think I should tell him why? I think he ought to know he can't go round catfishing people but maybe ill just cut my losses!

Actions speak louder than words. The fact that you're cancelling after the FaceTime should tell him something. Cut your losses and move on - in OLD you can't get hung up on something that doesn't work out.

Good luck on the next one!

Yes, you should tell him. He’s misrepresenting himself and he knows it. Say that the numerous photos he used to show how he looks now don’t actually look like him.