Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my daughter's husband is having an emotional affair?

13 replies

Fran2023 · 19/04/2026 12:46

My daughter is married to a high flying executive in the City. She has her own demanding career and they have (up until now) supported each other and had a very happy and productive life. They also have a child together.
Recently however her husband has been promoted and as a result now does some international travel. Not an issue for my daughter, she has supported and encouraged him all the way, particularly as they both benefit from his income in terms of where they live.
The issue that my daughter now has is that he has a female colleague (also married.) that he is spending a lot of time with and is planning further (non essential) trips away to conferences and client networking events. Again, not an issue until very recently.
The issue is that he returned a month ago from a week long trip to Europe with his colleague and has become secretive (hiding his phone, turning it face down etc) and texting this colleague all day long (including weekends) and into the night (up til midnight). He claims that they are just friends, and he is helping her through her difficult marriage and a disappointment at work. The final straw for my daughter was when they were going to bed last night he had his phone under his pillow! In addition, he has become distant, doesn’t text her as he usually did, doesn’t let her know what time he‘ll be home etc and is just generally ‘absent’ even when he”s in the room.
He is blaming her and saying that she is ‘controlling’, ‘dragging him down’ and ‘paranoid.’ She says she can’t live like this for the rest of her life, and, of course, there is a child involved. She feels abandoned and very depressed and anxious about it all.
AIBU to suggest to my daughter that he is, at the very least, having an emotional affair, and that she needs to prepare for the worst? Does anyone have advice or experience?

OP posts:
DreamyJade · 19/04/2026 12:47

That sounds like a full blown affair to me.

BillieWiper · 19/04/2026 12:49

Yeah he's an arsehole. Calling her controlling and paranoid when he's secretive and texts his colleague constantly.

She needs to tell him she thinks it's crossed a boundary and he can choose his wife and child or a random colleague.

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 19/04/2026 12:49

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But as I say to my mum, keep your beak out!

Createausername1970 · 19/04/2026 12:53

From your description it sounds like there is something going on. I am not sure you need to "tell" your daughter anything. She has obviously been telling you what has been going on with the late night texting with the other woman and the phone under the pillow.

I would suggest you ask your daughter outright what SHE thinks is going on? Could you offer to have the child for a weekend to allow daughter to have time and space to either tackle husband or at least give her some thinking space?

OrigamiOwls · 19/04/2026 13:13

He's likely up to no good, whether an emotional affair or a full blown affair...but I don't think this could be lost on your daughter in the circumstances

Fran2023 · 19/04/2026 13:22

Createausername1970 · 19/04/2026 12:53

From your description it sounds like there is something going on. I am not sure you need to "tell" your daughter anything. She has obviously been telling you what has been going on with the late night texting with the other woman and the phone under the pillow.

I would suggest you ask your daughter outright what SHE thinks is going on? Could you offer to have the child for a weekend to allow daughter to have time and space to either tackle husband or at least give her some thinking space?

That’s a good idea. Thank you.

@NoYouCantComeToTheWedding My daughter is ringing me regularly to talk things through and get my perspective. My position so far is to talk to him, discuss some boundaries, and try to stay calm.

@Createausername1970 She is teetering between feeling that this woman is just a colleague or that she is more than that and her marriage is over.

OP posts:
Hallamule · 19/04/2026 13:28

I don't think you should be "suggesting" to your dd that her husband is having any type of affair. Apart from anything all your evidence would just be recirculation from her.

Rather, support her to reach her own conclusions and decide how to move forward. Ultimately she's not happy in her marriage and needs to deal with that with her husband.

Fran2023 · 19/04/2026 13:46

Hallamule · 19/04/2026 13:28

I don't think you should be "suggesting" to your dd that her husband is having any type of affair. Apart from anything all your evidence would just be recirculation from her.

Rather, support her to reach her own conclusions and decide how to move forward. Ultimately she's not happy in her marriage and needs to deal with that with her husband.

I agree. Thank you.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 19/04/2026 13:59

If I were your daughter, I'd be very suspicious too 😕 not sure what you can suggest as she's tried to talk to him and his response wasn't what it should be (reassuring, showing her the messages so she can see it's nothing to worry about) but instead it sounds like he's gaslighting her. I don't think this will end well. All you can do is be there to support her 💐

thepariscrimefiles · 19/04/2026 14:40

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 19/04/2026 12:49

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But as I say to my mum, keep your beak out!

OP's daughter has obviously turned to her mum for help and support as she has every right to do.

CPNSBH · 19/04/2026 14:46

The only reason would go to the extreme of sleeping with there phone under there pillow is because they are having an affair, at this stage I doubt it hasn’t become physical.

Fiftyandme · 19/04/2026 14:50

He’s having an affair and he’s starting with The Script

Fran2023 · 19/04/2026 18:47

Thank you. It confirms what she fears and what I suspect. Trying to support her through it without being judgemental. I know that marriages do survive these sort of difficulties, and that most marriages go through ups and downs, but it’s so hard to see. But they are both adults, and it is their marriage, not mine.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page