AIBU to consider leaving DH to escape abusive in-laws?

[Sunatlast1]

Has anyone been in the position where they feel their only option to be free from abusive in-laws was to leave DH? I am in a situation where total NC with them is near enough impossible due to DH working on the family business and live right next to them! The lies and slander is never ending from them and its taking a huge toll on my wellbeing. DH is low contact but is so very complacent when it comes to them, will not correct any lie, allows them to bad mouth me and just tells me to “let them Gods watching” I dont care if gods watching or not tbh they are making my life a living nightmare …

Can you elaborate on the types of lies and bad mouthing they’ve said?

Absolutely get a divorce ASAP. Your situation is untenable.

Can't you move to another area within commuting distance so you aren't right next to them. Also, I'd be having it out with them directly,

If your DH won't get another job and move away then yes I would leave

Do you have children with DH?

If you don’t then leaving is a good move. DH works for them, lives next to them, he’s not going to be independent from them until they die. (If you have dcs with dh you have to accept he will be part of your life even after divorce and so they may well be still.)

I hope you don’t have any DC to consider.

Have toy told your DH you are thinking of leaving him because of this? And if so, what was his reaction?

Can’t you move away and your DH get a new job? Why would he want to keep working in a family business if he’s low contact with them? How can that ever work?

You are not being unreasonable at all but your DH is. He's spouting religious platitudes to shut you up and to minimise the shitty behaviour of his horrible parents towards you.

If he is unwilling to tell them to stop, you have no choice but to leave him. He is the disloyal one, not you.

we have 2 wonderful DC to consider. Unfortunately asking DH to turn his back on the place is something I know will not happen.

Just go.

What’s stopping you getting your house valued, looking at new properties further away, seeing a mortgage dealer.

He doesn't have your back - he allows them to make you miserable,and sees nothing wrong in that.

Time to have a blunt conversation, maybe even an ultimatum.

It sounds awful. I’m very low contact with my in-laws, mainly because MIL is poison.

I would find your situation very difficult

Yeah, I’d leave; If he doesn’t support, defend or protect you from this abuse, and won’t confront or correct them, then he’s a pretty shit husband anyway.

His parents abuse you. He doesn’t defend you. He doesn’t take steps to reduce the impact of this abuse. Therefore, he is inadvertently complicit in their abuse of you.

He is not to blame for their behaviour. But his primary responsibility is to you and your shared dc. “God is watching” is weak and useless.

Is this a farming family by any chance?

Thank you, yes, which is why its so difficult.

I’ve seen this a few times in the farming community. I know one DIL who moved off the farm to a house in the nearby town and her DH went up every day to work but it’s not always as easy as that with the hours needed. Is that an option for you? Some of the stories I hear are awful OP, I was very fortunate in that my PIL were absolutely wonderful people and the extended family was very very welcoming to me. It must be hell living in such close proximity to people making your life a misery.

Mumsnet is always black and white about these things and it's never that easy. Just here to say I am in the same position except not farming. I hear you. Solidarity. X

Sending you lots of strength !

As the classic saying goes, you have a DH problem.

Yes from the sounds of it your inlaws are horrible but your DH needs to stand up for you and push back. If he is working in the family business then my guess is he is somehow beholden to them even through he is LC. Unfortunately it's very difficult to go LC or NC if you're still working in the same family business is either you accept it or you give him an ultimatum to the up for you or you leave and mean it

Life is too short to spend it dealing with people like that.

Can you share some examples of what they are doing to give more context?