AIBU to think it is fine to judge people in some situations?

[Droffo]

There seems to be a line of reasoning on here that judging other people is wrong. Proponents of that view would never judge anyone.

Clearly there are situations where judgements can be wrong. A snap judgement based on someone’s sex or race isn’t just wrong, it’s unlawful in some situations.

I’m talking about judging someone who wears their pyjamas to the supermarket. Or who swears at their child in public. Or who turns up for a job interview looking like they’ve just climbed out of bed.

I don’t see any issue with judgements in those situations. However, a lot of people just think we shouldn’t because we don’t know their circumstances or their life.

We all make judgements every single day. I used to be very overweight and people judged me; and some of those judgements will have been correct. What we should all do is look beyond those snap judgements to see whether our assumptions are correct.

This holier than thou suggestion that any judgement is wrong just does my head in.

Everyone judges some things and they're lying if they say they don’t. Some things really should be judged.

Of your examples, I’d judge someone who swears at their child, but someone wearing pyjamas at the supermarket, I wouldn’t judge as such. I’d wonder why and wouldn’t do it myself but I wouldn’t judge in terms of being good or bad.

What judgements were made of you that were correct?

I don’t care what you wear to the supermarket, and I once hired a woman who looked dishevelled, to put it mildly — she was an astonishing colleague. If you write a shit book, I’m not going to pretend otherwise, though. And I have no interest in preventing someone from experiencing the consequences of their own poor behaviour.

I think it can depend what you are judging someone on really. To judge on appearance isn’t too kind and reflects more on the person doing the judging. To judge on actions I would say is different - for example if someone is being rude or unpleasant.

We ALL make judgements about other people, all the time. It's voicing them that is the issue

What's the point of it though. Sure I might be having a critical thought about the person dressed in pj's at the supermarket, but who cares? My having a judgemental thought serves no purpose; it comes and goes. My expressing my critical does have a purpose, and it's negative.

There's judgment and judgment though. Everyone judges, the critical thing is whether you're able to acknowledge that your own judgement is fallible and adjust it accordingly.

Judgment is human nature and everyone does it instinctively. Anyone who says they don't is lying: it's a basic animal instinct. And that's an important self-protective mechanism. If I see someone staggering towards me late at night, obviously inebriated, making a decision to swerve them is probably a sensible judgment. It may not reflect who they are as a person but in the moment it's the right decision.

But most people have enough self-knowledge to understand that initial impressions of a person may be wrong and that their own biases might make them unreliable judges. So it's sensible to be able to adjust that judgment when you get to know someone.

I remember there was a thread on here recently about people with blue hair. Some people on the thread said that they initially judged people with blue hair but were often willing to amend that view. Others said that everyone with blue hair was automatically someone to avoid.

The first perspective is reasonable judgment. The second is an example of when your own bias clouds your intelligence to the detriment of yourself and others.

I would def. judge anyone wearing pyjamas to the supermarket, or swearing at their child in public - double that if they’ve got a fag going as well.

And anyone I see dropping litter, or bringing their smelly hot fast food on to public transport.* Especially any buses I happen to be on!

*and so often leaving the smelly, greasy wrappings behind, plus whatever plastic drinks bottle they also had.

Chavs. And no apologies for using the word.
ologies

If we don't make judgments we don't have standards. YANBU at all.

And that it can be absolutely lovely for your negative judgement to be proved wrong on better acquaintance. I disliked someone who later became one of my closest friends when I first met her. Being wrong was one of the nicest experiences of my life. Or discovering a book you disliked in your twenties is actually wonderful, you just weren’t in the right headspace for it.

@SadBoys

And that it can be absolutely lovely for your negative judgement to be proved wrong on better acquaintance. I disliked someone who later became one of my closest friends when I first met her. Being wrong was one of the nicest experiences of my life. Or discovering a book you disliked in your twenties is actually wonderful, you just weren’t in the right headspace for it.

Absolutely. When I first met one of my now oldest friends, in sixth form, I found her very irritating and for a while we had a really awkward relationship. After months we suddenly "clicked" and got one another. We've been friends now for 30+ years. If I'd written her off based on my initial judgment I'd have denied myself a lifelong friend.

Have to agree with this. Pyjamas in the supermarket is borderline and I could cut someone some slack for doing this on a bad day, but anyone who swears at a child in public or smokes in front of their child is rarely going to redeem themselves. Just go without. It's not that hard.

There’s a different between judgment and condemnation. We all judge, all the time. In terms of noticing, assessing and having an opinion. From judging whether or not food in the fridge is off, to whether the person you’ve met is someone you want to spend time with or vote for.

Seems a very reasonable summary?

I have said this before but our capacity for judgment is what has made the human race so successful in surviving - the dodo being a case in point.

There's different levels of judging of course but it's inate, we can't help it.

I’m intrigued what propelled the op to start the thread and then wander off!

We are hardwired to judge. That's what enables the human race to survive.

I'm still not sure that "judgement" is the right response. If someone's in the supermarket in their PJ's I'd tend to think they're living a chaotic life and not coping very well, probably deserving of sympathy more than judgement.

Everybody judges, its just human nature and we all have things we will judge more harshly then others.
Pajamas in supermarket I would def judge and possibly assume somebody had a drug or alcohol problem (quite prevelant in my area). Pjs at the corner shop, not so much.
What I judge might not even bother somebody else....its cars that shoot across the crossing when somebody is already on it and men who hawk up great globs of sputum in public if you are interested!!😆

YANBU, shame was a useful societal tool which stopped people making individualistic decisions at detriment to society. Sad to see it go!

I try really hard not to judge people. The reason why is that I feel it brings my mood down with the constant judgement. I find that the more I judge people the more I feel self conscious and a need to be perfect. It’s actually been quite freeing to try and stop judgement and just get on with my life.

My point is it’s not for high and mighty reasons I try not to judge people it’s for my own benefit.

In all honesty I don’t take that much notice of other people. I’m not a people watcher.
I tend not to notice or judge those going quietly about their business.
Load, obnoxious people I do judge. It’s those people who I then start to exams in more detail and mentally tick off things which I dislike about them.
So a loud, swearing male will draw my attention, then I’m mentally judging his clothes, lack of hair, scruffiness, too big jewellery, rough looking dog, drug dealer car, botoxed, fake tanned girlfriend. You get the picture.