to not really enjoy spending time with very young children anymore?

[taaay]

My DCs are all adults now with families of their own, so I do get to see the grandchildren, which is lovely in theory. But if I am honest, I am finding it harder and harder in practice.

I really struggle with the noise, the constant chatter, the tantrums and just the sheer level of attention young children need. It feels relentless. I find myself getting overwhelmed quite quickly.

It wasn’t always like this. When my own DCs were younger, I could handle it all.

I do wonder if it is a sensory thing. I suspect I might be autistic (never diagnosed), and I definitely feel like I hit sensory overload. The noise, the movement, things being touched and moved constantly tips me over the edge.

I have got used to a quiet, clean, tidy house. I like things a certain way now. When they visit, it is chaos within minutes. Toys everywhere, mess, noise. I find myself feeling stressed.

I feel a bit of dread when I know they are coming. Not because I don’t love them, but because I know how overwhelming it is going to feel.

I do love my family and I enjoy seeing my grandchildren, but the reality of spending extended time with very young children is just hard work.

I think it is very normal to feel overstimulated by the noise and chaos of small children when you have got so used to quiet and calm. You are not unreasonable to feel like this. Can you meet them somewhere other than your home? Outside at a park maybe?

That is a good idea. The park would mean they would have more freedom to run around and I could make a picnic which they would love.

I don’t have grandkids yet, but I do have adult children. My siblings had their children much later than me so my nieces and nephews are all young. I too find it overwhelming. The noise, the clutter, the interrupting etc. I don’t think it’s anything to do with being ND, I think it’s being out of the game and having peace and then suddenly getting thrown into the deep end!!

Not unreasonable at all.I am diagnosed AuDHD and am limited to where I can go because the pitch and volume of children’s voices makes my head ache.

Plus they aren’t exactly good company (with the odd exemption)😬

I used to work as a teacher. I got used to the very high levels of noise that you often get in schools.

I’m three years out of teaching now and I’m used to peace and quiet and would struggle back in a school now.

Another grandparent thread?! Has mumsnet been joined with gransnet without announcing it?

How you feel is completely understandable and I don’t know if this is true or not but I read a study that said it’s harder to cope with young children as your fertility lessens.

Apparently hormones make you more nurturing and easier to look past the irritating behaviour and noise to keep you reproducing. As soon as your fertility drops so do the hormones which is why it’s harder to put up with normal children’s behaviour.
Also I find you become less tolerant in general with age!
It could be nonsense but it made sense to me.

I have always struggled with sensory overload around kids though as I’m autistic and that’s definitely got harder as I’ve got older.
I can’t cope with screaming or tantrums at all and find the noise painful. I find loop earplugs help when I’m around boisterous kids and make me less sensitive to the noise.

Go to their house then you won’t have the toys, mess and chaos and can leave when you get too overwhelmed.
I’m sure you want to keep seeing your family and grandchildren but it’ll make things less stressful for you if you visit them.

My in laws are like this. We hardly ever see them because they clearly can’t stand the sensory overload of being with kids. They both suffer from terrible anxiety. Do you think you do too?

Children seem to scream more now! We would not have dared to unless it was an emergency.

Perhaps the sensory overload isn’t entirely down to you!

I don't have anxiety. I just struggle to cope with the noise and mess. When my DC were small. it was fine. They would do messy play, crafts, sports etc It was never an issue. I just find it hard to manage it now.

I’m the same OP I’ve got several young neices/nephews and it’s an endurance test gathering in a group for more than an hour and theyre not bad children.
My tolerance levels have just fallen off a cliff and also a hard agree about screaming being more allowed these days. Grim.

I hate interrupting children I wish more parents would teach kids it’s rude.

I stopped visiting my sister as my niece and nephew constantly interrupted and spoke over us.

They asked what we were talking about and tried to give their opinion or would ask “who is that mummy? Why did she do that? What happened after that?” And my sister would start trying to explain an adult conversation rather than sending them to play.

Even when she did tell them to play they would demand we watch them and get louder and louder with the “watch me! Look what I can do!”

The final straw was when my nephew would stand between us and grab my sisters face to look at him not me.

Kids are annoying but it’s also how they are parented. If they had let me talk to my sister for a little while I’d have gone and played afterwards but I just stopped going round and they don’t come to my house because they trash it.

I remember visiting family or my parents friends houses and being told to go and play with other kids outside or sit and colour and if I kept interrupting I was told off.
Kids don’t seem to be able to do that now or cope without the constant attention on them. Maybe that’s the real reason we find it harder to be around them now?

Absolutely this. DH was chastised for telling his nieces to stop screaming the other day - the noise just goes straight through you. Ours are a similar age and it was nipped in the bud fairly early on. I ended one of my DC’s swimming lessons (he’d learned to swim and was desperate to quit anyway but we’d had an agreement of until the end of the term) as I couldn’t cope with the noise of other people’s screaming children running around the place while their parents sat on their phones ignoring them.

I feel like this too! Oh wait - they’re my kids 😆. I absolutely get it!