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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but I have been wrong before - Travel

25 replies

Flashman · 19/06/2008 19:53

Hello

I have been asked to go to Germany the first week of July for some meetings by my boss. However the due date for our first born is 23rd July. Which he knows. Earlier today when he first asked I just laughed, but he mentioned it a couple of times in the day. In the end I told him no fucking way - but he would still like me to sound out DW - which I am not going to do as I already know the answer from her.

I know really I should go it is my job - but if I were to miss the birth, my life would not be worth living - and I would never hear the end of it.

Are first babies normally late?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 19/06/2008 19:55

First babies come exactly when they want to come and when you least expect them to - usually if you are miles away {smile]

Is there someone else in the office/etc that can go instead of you?

EffiePerine · 19/06/2008 19:55

Mine was early, so I think it would be pushing it. Can you compromise in some way? Maybe teleconferencing, or arrange to go out earlier? Do they need to be face-to-face meetings?

lisasimpson · 19/06/2008 19:56

can be early, can be late and sometimes on time, but I would have thought you were safe enough in the first week of July - what do you think DW will say?
p.s has she found out about the shoes yet?

Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 19:56

Not really anyone else to go - and it would be something that would be better face to face - teleconference is possible but is never the same

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 19/06/2008 19:58

first babies are normally late - but apart from the possibility of missing the birth, your dw is very likely to need you around that month

this is my second dc, I've 2 weeks to go and if my dp went away for the week now I honestly have no idea how I would cope
I've quite limited mobility and feel absolutely exhausted and in need of lots of support both emotional and practical

I'm not having an overly difficult pg, either - it's just how it goes, often

bergentulip · 19/06/2008 19:58

Mine was 3.5weeks early....

Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 19:59

No I am still safe on the shoes - Ha perhaps that is reason to go - ring her when I have plenty of space between me.

DW is sure that it is coming early - I think I would be safe - but by god if I was not - I would want to be on the other side of the world!

OP posts:
2point4kids · 19/06/2008 20:00

If I was your wife I wouldnt be keen but I would more than likely say ok tbh.
First babies are more usualy late, but of course can be on time or early (my first was 2 weeks early). Although even if they are early it is usually a good few hours before things kick off properly.
How long will it realistically take you to get home from Germany if required?
Will your boss agree in writing for the company to pay for an emergency return flight if your wife were to get any twinges/feel ill etc?

Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 20:01

FZ - Yes i guess that she would need me around - or employ a butler, runner and general gofer!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 20:02

Oh this would be a couple of days in Germany. And I have no idea what it would be like getting back

OP posts:
bergentulip · 19/06/2008 20:02

But, with second my DH went on a business trip for 5days, about 2weeks before due date, and I had no problems with him going. Not worried in the slightest.

Just happy when my father offered to pop over for a few days so that I did not have to run around after DS1 38weeks preggers.... very nice of him.
But, as it's your first born, your DW should not have much to worry about- unless she is the type to fret.

When pregnant first time, I had planned to be at a friend's for the weekend before due.... just did not turn out that way, as little cherub arrived earlier than expected. Depends entirely on how you think she will cope without you.

2point4kids · 19/06/2008 20:02

Of course if you feel sure that your wife will definitely not want you to go then you should say no actually.

Will your boss rearrange the trip a week or two earlier?

Soapbox · 19/06/2008 20:02

First babies even if early tend not to arrive very quickly. Tell him you will go but only if he pays for a fully flexible ticket. That way you could be back from Germany in a couple of hours if things start moving while you are away.

Just make sure the meetings are close to an airport, preferably a big one with several flights to the UK a day

Hulababy · 19/06/2008 20:03

Anytime between 37 and 42 weeks I concerned "term" and within norml expected times.

Is it crucial you go? Can someone else go? What are the consequences of you not going?

Have to say, if I was the DW - not a chance would I want DH to go.

Soapbox · 19/06/2008 20:03

Oh and Germany is a day trip in my view - fly over in the morning back in the evening and repeat a couple of days later if needs be.

FrannyandZooey · 19/06/2008 20:05

well if you DO go, yes, get her some paid help
but it is an emotional time, a real time for nesting, you can have a lot of doubts and fears and in need of a great deal of love and understanding - I think really the WRONG time altogether for a dh to be going away

Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 20:05

I can't make the meeting at an airport - my company is German - it is at head office and we really need SAP.

And as for later dates - we have realised that I would be on perternity leave - and as I come back he is out the country for a couple of weeks

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 19/06/2008 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 20:07

No offical consequences, but there are always consequences

OP posts:
2point4kids · 19/06/2008 20:08

ASk your wife what she thinks about it.

If it was me I honestly would not mind. She may feel the same.

spicemonster · 19/06/2008 20:09

It's only Germany. How long would it take you to get home if she went into labour? Or if she had a show or something?

Due dates in the UK are one week earlier than in France anyway

larkspur · 19/06/2008 20:13

Our son - first baby - was born at 35 weeks after a very uneventful pregnacy with no warning of early arrival. He also arrived after less than 2 hours so there would have been no possibility of DH getting back if he had been working away.

Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 20:17

Well just spoke to her on the phone about it and my boss is apperantly a twat - so thats that question answered!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flashman · 19/06/2008 20:19

Spice - i imagine it would take a while to get back - the company is 1.5 hours from the nearest airport - I remember last time someone else went they thought it quicker to drive and thats 5 hours ish (driving time)

OP posts:
spicemonster · 19/06/2008 20:28

That's quite a long time I suppose. Irrelevant anyway as she's said no. Don't piss off a heavily pregnant woman is my advice (especially if she's carrying your child )

Tell your boss that your wife has a family history of early babies or something

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