To push my autistic demand avoidant child into doing something they don’t want to

[Worrieddancemum]

AIBU to push my 12 year old demand avoidant daughter into trying out a dance class/audition that I suspect she will really enjoy, but is out of her comfort zone.

Shes a mega talented dancer, and has been scouted to audition for an associate training position. She’s always danced at the same school, and this would be with no one she knows, so admittedly scary.

The audition is an hour long and in a group of similar aged kids.

If she would be successful it would really develop her technique and I suspect she would love it. She does compete etc so she’s pretty brave in that regard, but her demand avoidance really presents as a stumbling block in situations such as this.

I don’t know what to do!

My demand avoidant child likes to feel it was his choice to do something and that he can leave if he doesnt like it with no repercussions (being allowed to leave increases participation a lot). He also likes to mull over an idea for a bit before hand. (He has standard asd stuff like pictures of the venue, structure etc to think on)

But a lot of pda chikdren are quite motivated by novelty. Its one of the odd features - even if anxious. Is your daughter responsive to that at all? Invoke the curiosity about the audition

Thank you everyone, some really helpful advice. I’m definitely going to try the carrot on a stick approach. I have booked it, but it’s not for a few weeks yet so I’m going to leave it for a bit and then open the conversion again at a later point.

WRT to the demands of training, again I would say that as long as she gives it a go for a few sessions, if it’s too much for her she wouldn’t have to stay. I honestly think she would be fine though once it started, as she’s naturally really gifted. At one point a couple of years ago she was doing way too much so we have scaled down massively, but now she’s doing hardly anything and I want to get a healthy balance for her.

Yes. You need to think of a strategy that will work. My PDA family member needs to have things framed as his choice.

@Owninterpreter i just need to figure out how to frame it as her choice now! Not sure how to go about it 🤔