AIBU to discourage shouted conversations from one room to another?

[parakeet]

An older relative is visiting. They have habit of shouting questions or comments to DH or I when we are in another room, making the dinner, say, or when we are bustling about getting ready for work or doing jobs. Personally I dislike having shouted conversations and we "trained" our kids out of yelling to us. If one of kids forgets and yells upstairs to me I would normally ignore or reply "Same room please". But this feels a rude response to an adult, especially an older relative. AIBU to have this preference for someone coming to the same room as me if they want to talk to me, and if so, how can I politely respond to a yelled question? I don't want to have to stop my jobs and walk to the living room to respond either, when I'm in the middle of something.

I think when they shout to you, you either walk over or pretend not to hear. If you don't want to shout back.

I must admit I'm terrible for this though. We're definitely all a shout-through-the-house family except poor dh who'd rather we didn't.

Just don’t answer, let it be assumed you didn’t hear and let the relative come and find you?

Does your older relative have mobility problems? If so, maybe have a bit of patience with it. Both dh and I have had stints of reduced mobility (due to accidents/operations) and yelling for your spouse to bring your phone upstairs please is way easier than trudging for it yourself under those circumstances

You’re not unreasonable to have a preference, obviously. How long is this person staying? And how old are they? What’s their health like?

If it’s a relatively short visit, I’d be tended to just file it under “we’re all different” and suck it up for the duration of their stay.

Shout back "I can't hear you properly, you'll have to come here if you want to speak to me"

Unless the older relative was disabled or had mobility problems I would ignore them. Eventually you’ll train them the same way you’ve trained your children, they’ll come and find you to speak to you.

No mobility problems, no. They are fairly old but very healthy thankfully.

They tend to stay for about 5 days, so yes, I probably should suck it up and be more tolerant! Although pretending not to hear is also tempting. Probably will do mixture of both.

If known to be on different floors, we’ll call or message on WhatsApp 😂 . If on same floor, it’s a shout or walk to person if shouting hasn’t been answered.

@parakeet maybe get them a bell to ding-a-ling to call for your attention. 😂

Same room please lol sorry I've never once heard that in any of our families and ye aslong as manners are used pleases and thankyous nobody cares how they receive a message or ask..
It would peeeee me off running up and downstairs just to be in the same rooms as my kids to make requests lol

Oh god I hate being shouted at from another room. If anyone does it to me I just answer “I’m in the kitchen/lounge/garden/wherever”. They are welcome to come to where I am if they want to talk.

Just ignore them. But what I actually came on this thread to say is ban when my DH calls me ON MY MOBILE from the room upstairs to bring him something. That can fuck right off.

Alexa announce/drop in is your friend here!

failing that I would go with pretending not to hear properly.

Id go in once and say "I cant talk to you from there. If you want to talk to me, then you'll have to come into the kitchen."

I have this with DD. Small terraced house and she shouts conversations to me when I’m on the ground floor. I shout back “No upstairs/downstairs conversations! If you want me, come find me” and don’t reply again. Next door are extremely loud and it fucks me off when they’re screeching and shouting, banging their doors and herds of elephants going up and downstairs. I came from a quiet family. There’s no need to shout, legs are free to use!

I adore this rule and we have the same in our house. The hardest person to train is my Italian partner who grew up with people yelling at each other no matter what room they are in.

I hate the yelling across the house! We do too much of it here (me included) but I do try to respond to someone calling at me "I'm in the kitchen/sitting room etc" without being tetchy about it. Then it's a hint to come and talk to me where I am without telling anyone off (because I'm just as bad).