Basically what the title says. im just fed up.
I have 2 children that isn’t my partners 1 with extra needs. We had to have a TFMR last year my mum hasn’t been supportive or even asked how I am until I had a go at her because it has been 11days since she had last spoke to me , people have made judgemental comments and even nasty comments towards me (people who have also had TFMR) so I don’t get it these ‘people’ were meant to be my family🤣.
Me and my partner have been great the last 6yrs , he’s great with my children. we want to try again but it took us 4yrs to have our baby last year and it’s nearly been a year since we lost him and still … nothing. I haven’t got 4yrs in me again so went to gp and we are being transferred to fertility clinic.
in 2024 I had a break down out of the blue didn’t know what I was happening to me I loved my life then all of a sudden 1 day I woke up and for a week I had a headache and just depressed feeling then had a breakdown then had to sort myself out for the sake of my kids my partner was so great during it he really helped me and pushed me to get better. Now I have crippling anxiety and panic attacks. I’m so scared to go back to that mental state. When I was pregnant last year nothing else mattered literally I was so focused on the baby and sorting my other children out I was fine. Since my TFMR , grief has hit me so hard. I wish I didn’t do it but I know whatever way he would have suffered. I blame my partner deep down because I didnt want to have an abortion I would of kept him and looked after him but I know deep down that’s just silly because our baby would of suffered tremendously but now I’m stuck with what ifs and I regret it and I miss him every single day. I’m a SAHM as my eldest needs extra care etc I do all the cleaning , cooking etc I’m just fed up of it. Every single day doing the same thing I’m bored of it but I have no motivation either. I’ve been on setraline nearly 2yrs and I think the last few months it’s not been helping I want to come off it but when I have days like this I don’t want to. I have no real support. I’ve just had enough I don’t want anything from this post tbh just a rant 🙈🤣 sorry