AIBU to think that children don’t necessarily cost less to feed on holiday?

[CookieDoughJoe]

I’m asking after a discussion with a friend who has been asked to subsidise relative’s children on holiday. She’s declined to go away on a group holiday because she isn’t happy to cover their food. There’ll be 10 children aged between 5 and 14 and her family want to split the food costs between the adults only.

I had a similar situation a few years ago and declined for the same reason plus deciding that group holidays with multiple children are no longer for me.

Last time I was on a family holiday most of the kids ate far more than I did. I don’t eat breakfast and often only eat 1 meal a day. I also don’t drink alcohol and I’m happy with water 99% of the time. Obviously children don’t either but they often look for constant snacks and understandably want regular meals and more expensive drinks like smoothies and slushy drinks plus some of the older children in my family can eat bigger portions than I do.

AIBU to think that it isn’t necessarily cheaper to feed children on holiday and that splitting by adults only isn’t necessarily fair?

The relative won’t be missed

Completely unfair to be expected to subsidise other people’s kids.

Yanbu.
Everyone should pay for their own (nuclear) family costs.

I agree with you and your friend. I find kids are also more wasteful when it comes to food. If it was 1-2 kids- I wouldn’t mind but 10 is taking the piss.
I have a child in the age range indicated and spending my time with 10 kids isn’t a holiday! I wouldn’t go even without the food cost issue.

Why would anyone expect others to subsidise their kids?!

As a family we've always split by adults only but the adults who have children are fully aware it isn't actually 'fair' and is being done to support them to be able to afford the holiday and as a way of the other adults treating the children.

This is only in our very close family group though. If it was more extended family or friends etc I don't think we would.

Sounds to me like they were trying to make the holiday unappealing to the relative so the wouldn’t come

I don’t eat breakfast and often only eat 1 meal a day. I also don’t drink alcohol and I’m happy with water 99% of the time

Shared catering costs probably aren’t for you, no matter who is on the trip really.

Whatever happens you’re going to feel like you’re subsidising others.

Honestly it's probably a relatively small amount, and if it's family and the children are nieces and nephews, just split the bill.

I think people who point out they only drink water and want to nitpick down to the last cream cracker, well tedious.

Food, especially with a group away, should be communal, enjoyable not another opportunity to roll out the troupe "you had them you pay for them" yes we know we know we do.

No I wouldn't care I would just pay what people asked but if I didn't have kids I would definitely try and get out of the actual grocery shopping "I have no idea how much of what to get" and pay up to enjoy the lack of chore.

But if it's really insulting and a bridge you cannot get over not going because of it is an option. Hopefully they will have a nice week at home, or elsewhere, quiet with their own food and drink and happy in the knowledge not a penny of their money went into someone else's mouth.

It’s one thing not including a 1yo, but a 14yo?! Especially boys will eat continuously at that age.

Yes 14 year old boys do eat and eat, but they also run to the shop, find remotes, carry bags upstairs, bring, fetch and carry, are great fun at board games, have brilliant stories from school and sports clubs. They are worth every Pringle.

Yanbu. A 14 year old boy is going to be way more expensive to feed than a adult woman, for example.

I'd be okay to split by adults for self catering. But eating out is expectbeach family unit to cover their own costs. The family should be insisting they cover their own costs though and not expecting others to pay more for them.

I think it’s fine when there’s 1 or 2 very young children in a whole group of adults but not 10 kids, that’s way too many

I think it's really odd to book a holiday and not be expected to feed your own kids.

I've always fed mine on holidays and whilst not expected to, other family members have always treated them to ice creams etc, or given them a bit of pocket money.

But I wouldn't expect anyone else to stump up for their meals.

I’m generally happy to split the bill in restaurants unless there’s very large disparity but I did draw the line at paying for food costs for my cousins’ children. And I have religious family on one side so 4-5 + kids is common on that side and there’s 20+ cousins. I’m happy to buy them some sweets, an ice cream or a drink but not all meals especially when some of the kids eat adult portions and want steak and expensive desserts.

There would have been far more than 10 if I’d gone so between the noise and expense I decided that it wouldn’t be much of a holiday for me.

Did they try to tempt you to reconsider?

That's how my family split costs on a large holiday. 2 didn't have children, 1 had 1 child, I had 2, another had 4. No one complained. I really couldn't get worked up over splitting costs for a child, especially one I'm related to. Are you and your friends the type who'd ask for £2 back if you bought someone a drink?

They did but it didn’t work and I’ve decided that extended family holidays really aren’t for me now.

So they said - ok you pay less for food?

Yes of course food costs much more. Unless it’s a MN ‘cheap as chips’ kind of place.
what type of holiday is this. Is it one where everyone stays together (sounds like hell anyway) and splits groceries?
or is it all meals out and it’s just the same whether you’re here or there?

No. Well I’m not, friend isn’t mean either but I don’t want to be taken advantage of either especially with kids eating from the adult menu complete with starters and desserts. Personally unless the children are very young and there are only a fewI think it’s entitled to assume that other people should pay for your children.

I feel the only way extended family/friends holidays work is really going to work is going to a hotel - all inclusive and everyone pays for themselves and their own immediate families so if people have 5 kids they pay foe them and if they have none they pay for themselves!

Exactly. A child orders a full meal whether it comes from a child’s menu or adult. It still needs to be paid for. Why should someone else pay for that??

Im trying to understand here. A few families go out to Pizza express. One has 4 kids , one has 2 and 1 have no kids. do you all just divide one big bill of pay per family?? Surely everyone pays for their own kids

Easier perhaps to have a kitty to pay in? So you can vary the amount so adults pay a set amount, teens a bit less and small kids nothing or very little.

Why on earth should anyone be expected to pay for others food. I have 4 kids if I went on holiday with a single friend or relative i wouldn't be saying let's go 50/50 thats a massive pisstake